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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 319617"><p>The other day I heard something interesting...</p><p></p><p>Tough love and boundary setting is not just about the other guy's benefit, it's more about your benefit.</p><p></p><p>So, although in the end it would be good for this young adult to understand that you are expecting him to be accountable for actions, it is also good for you to set boundaries, to detach and to expect that those around you will pull their own weight.</p><p></p><p>Sure, as parents we may want to give a little extra for "the cause." This is okay, especially if we are talking about a young adult who is appreciative, is growing from the extra input and who understands that this is a temporary situation. But where does it end? </p><p></p><p>It ends when that extra hurts us. And it sounds like it is hurting you and putting a strain on your marriage.</p><p></p><p>So, perhaps as best as you are able, set up some boundaries...draw a line...talk with- your husband about setting up some expectations/rules for his 27 yo living in the basement. At the very least, he should be polite to you and the rest of the family, providing some help as well and diligently looking for employment (perhaps training for future work). Glad you are seeing a therapist to get some support in all of this. I would consider couples counseling if husband refuses to see your point of view or compromise to any extent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 319617"] The other day I heard something interesting... Tough love and boundary setting is not just about the other guy's benefit, it's more about your benefit. So, although in the end it would be good for this young adult to understand that you are expecting him to be accountable for actions, it is also good for you to set boundaries, to detach and to expect that those around you will pull their own weight. Sure, as parents we may want to give a little extra for "the cause." This is okay, especially if we are talking about a young adult who is appreciative, is growing from the extra input and who understands that this is a temporary situation. But where does it end? It ends when that extra hurts us. And it sounds like it is hurting you and putting a strain on your marriage. So, perhaps as best as you are able, set up some boundaries...draw a line...talk with- your husband about setting up some expectations/rules for his 27 yo living in the basement. At the very least, he should be polite to you and the rest of the family, providing some help as well and diligently looking for employment (perhaps training for future work). Glad you are seeing a therapist to get some support in all of this. I would consider couples counseling if husband refuses to see your point of view or compromise to any extent. [/QUOTE]
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