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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 419646" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>I know exactly what you are talking about with ASPies. With difficult child 2 it was not a matter of getting social cues wrong. I know several ASPie kids/adults and the ones I know just looked confused or they may get mad if they are told/figure out that they've chosen the "wrong" response. But for them it's about fitting in and getting along.</p><p></p><p>Yesterday with difficult child 2 it had a sly, self-satisfied quality to it that makes it hard not to imagine lots of jail time in his future. If anything it is the opposite of an ASPie who is just trying to fit in and can't figure it out. That's what was so upsetting to me really. That superior smile/smirk sends the message "I am in control. I am smiling because I know I'm in control and all the adults are dancing to my tune. I smile because it will make you squirm but if you call me on it I can deflect you by pointing out that everyone is smiling therefore you are picking on me." </p><p></p><p>Even though it's completely clear that it's inappropriate for him to smile - he's doing it because he is at the center of his universe and he can't take another person's perspective to understand why his interpretation and reaction are wrong. The behavior has the same cognitive basis (lack of perspective taking) but the purpose of the behavior and the emotional response to feedback are very different.</p><p></p><p>That response is one I am seeing more and more from him. I think it is often in response to feeling very powerless because his limited attempts to negotiate, etc. are unsuccessful and he gives up and resorts to aggression/anger/intimidation. Then he interprets everything that happens as undeserved punishment.</p><p></p><p>Is that the way things are with your ASPie kids?</p><p></p><p>P</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 419646, member: 7948"] I know exactly what you are talking about with ASPies. With difficult child 2 it was not a matter of getting social cues wrong. I know several ASPie kids/adults and the ones I know just looked confused or they may get mad if they are told/figure out that they've chosen the "wrong" response. But for them it's about fitting in and getting along. Yesterday with difficult child 2 it had a sly, self-satisfied quality to it that makes it hard not to imagine lots of jail time in his future. If anything it is the opposite of an ASPie who is just trying to fit in and can't figure it out. That's what was so upsetting to me really. That superior smile/smirk sends the message "I am in control. I am smiling because I know I'm in control and all the adults are dancing to my tune. I smile because it will make you squirm but if you call me on it I can deflect you by pointing out that everyone is smiling therefore you are picking on me." Even though it's completely clear that it's inappropriate for him to smile - he's doing it because he is at the center of his universe and he can't take another person's perspective to understand why his interpretation and reaction are wrong. The behavior has the same cognitive basis (lack of perspective taking) but the purpose of the behavior and the emotional response to feedback are very different. That response is one I am seeing more and more from him. I think it is often in response to feeling very powerless because his limited attempts to negotiate, etc. are unsuccessful and he gives up and resorts to aggression/anger/intimidation. Then he interprets everything that happens as undeserved punishment. Is that the way things are with your ASPie kids? P [/QUOTE]
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