Back from regional CHADD conference

[gcvmom]

I was the lucky recipient of a scholarship to attend a regional CHADD conference this weekend I wasn't going to go, since spending the extra money right now would not be prudent with husband unemployed, but there was a last-minute email that went out about a half-dozen or so scholarships being offered for the event, so I applied.

This was a very good wake-up/reminder for me, because lately I've been feeling like I want to just let go of the reins and set the difficult child's loose. I realize now that they still very much need my support and will for quite some time. That's not to say that I have to take responsibility for everything -- just that there are things I still need to put in place to help them continue to learn the skills they need, because they won't very easily learn these things on their own. And husband is a shining example

I also came away with some good strategies for setting up visual cues for many of the things I seem to endlessly nag about around here, and enlisting difficult child input and help in getting those supports created.

And I got some reminders of things I need to do before school starts, and things to think about in the next few years as difficult child 1 gets closer to the college years.

Probably the best thing I came away with is the understanding that my life will NEVER be the same as my friends and family with the PCs. And that this is O.K. I don't need to kill myself trying to live up to these standards. I DO need to think outside the box, though. Sometimes the zanier, the better for coming up with strategies that will work with my family.

So I've got some more digesting to do with the stuff I heard and read, and then I need to get busy implementing some new tactics. And hopefully that will help all of us down the road.

I'll keep you posted...

 

[smallworld]

OK, give. We need those strategies, too . . .

Glad you enjoyed a productive weekend.

 

[wakeupcall]

It's refreshing to hear this.....refreshing? I guess that's the word I want. I, like you, have felt recently that I wanted to give up. I get so frustrated that he hasn't seemed to have learned a single thing since he's been old enough to talk and walk. He's terribly disrespectful and no matter the consequence, I can't get it curbed. It's mostly to me and some to his father. EVERYthing is a battle and I get soooo tired. SO, if you have some new tricks, please share. I'm glad it was so productive for you.

 

[Wiped Out]

Sounds like a good conference! I'm with SW, please share!

 

[gcvmom]

One of the tips was for using checklists and providing visual cues for your difficult child to help get you out of the nag rut for daily routines.

Since difficult child 1 has developed 6 cavities despite my nagging him about brushing, I created a bedtime routine checklist for him as well as the other two (who don't have the same issues) because it was said that it doesn't hurt to have the others do it, that way they get credit for doing something right! I had to enlist difficult child 1's input about what should be on it, how it would work, where to put it, etc. So we'll be trying that the next two weeks to see if it helps. My goal for the first month is to simply announce the time in order to set the ball in motion. There will be some kind of reward tied to successfully following the checklist (we're still discussing), too.

It's all about creating external prompts since my difficult child's lack the internal "voice" to do these things on their own. Initiation is a big hurdle for them.

Another important point I learned is that progress is success. If things improve even the slightest, then we've succeeded. I should NOT be focusing on perfection. Period.

Another important point is that there should not be too many "rules" in our family, and the ones we have should be simple and easy to remember. For stealing problems, the rule in one presenter's house is "If I did not give it to you, or I did not see you buy it, you do not own it." I suppose in the case of a teenager, you'd have to substitute "and if you don't not have a receipt for it" for actually witnessing the purchase. For physical contact issues, the rule is simply "Keep your hands and feet to yourself."

They should also be involved in advocating for themselves and understand what having their disorder means to what they need at school. So this year I'm having both difficult child's help write their "Dear Teacher" letter that I usually do for the beginning of the year. It will go over what works for them and what doesn't, as well as some personal get-to-know-me things. They'll hand these out the first week of school.

There's more... but that's all I've got time for this morning!

 

[compassion]

Thnaks for sharing!!! I have a 19 year old who is in his fifth semeter of college. Iuse many of these strategies still. Like you said, encourment and suppport is vital. He has come a long way but sitll needs me to be "life coach".
difficult child was to start first day of school today and did not. I am condient she will tomorrow. For her, it is the coal stuff: I will not like anyone.
Compassion