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Back in the dark lonesome hole.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 722307" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Welcome Newstart, so sorry for your need to be here, you have landed in a place where loving people understand where you are coming from. It is wonderful to have support, and though we wouldn't wish this on anyone, just to know that we are not alone speaks volumes.</p><p>I am so sorry for the loss of your son. How hard it is to lose our loved ones, while faced with the maelstrom of this.</p><p>I don't know if my two have an underlying problem, drugs trigger similar behaviors. It is mind and heart boggling to witness the downward slide of hellish behaviors in our loved ones. We forgive and forgive, and give and give, only to have it shoved back into our faces. I don't think anything would ever be enough to elicit an iota of gratitude, they just seem to want to suck our very lives out of us.</p><p>The attitude of entitlement is outrageous.</p><p>In your posts, you have gone above and beyond to try to help your daughter.</p><p>One thing struck me......</p><p></p><p>She got better, when you removed yourself from the picture.</p><p>Huh.</p><p> So, it is possible. For her to know and do better. When you step back.</p><p>Nothing changes, if nothing changes.</p><p>I was thinking this morning that I had wasted so much time trying to fix something that was out of my control. The kids had a way of guilting me into feeling that it was my responsibility to remain engaged in the swirley whirley and drama of it all, heck, <em>I had a way of guilting myself</em>. Looking back, it was as if time stood still with it all, fast forward to the present, the reality is, <em>years </em>and <em>years</em> slipped by with my involvement and focus on wanting change for my two. <em>Life was rushing past me.</em></p><p>I still hope for change, but know it is not my call to make, that nothing I can say or do will invoke it. Except prayer. I gave them over to God, realizing that I had tried just about everything.</p><p>I guess all of my agony was not a waste of time, it was a learning process. </p><p>Let's just stop beating ourselves up over that, <em>because we can't change the past, but we can change our reaction and our behaviors</em>.</p><p>When we know better, we do better.</p><p>You sound more than ready to take back your control. </p><p>Your daughter is living at your expense, literally and figuratively and it is unacceptable.</p><p>You have value and worth, no one should be abusing you, least of all your own adult child. Me, too. Be it drugs, or mental illness, these d cs are adults, and we will not be around forever to clean up their mess and sweep away their consequences.</p><p>They have got to learn from their choices.</p><p>You can do this, and so can she, as she has already shown you.</p><p>Making lists of things you need to do is a good start.</p><p>You have already made a new start, by saying "Enough"</p><p>Good for you.</p><p>Stand your ground.</p><p>Welcome, Newstart.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 722307, member: 19522"] Welcome Newstart, so sorry for your need to be here, you have landed in a place where loving people understand where you are coming from. It is wonderful to have support, and though we wouldn't wish this on anyone, just to know that we are not alone speaks volumes. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. How hard it is to lose our loved ones, while faced with the maelstrom of this. I don't know if my two have an underlying problem, drugs trigger similar behaviors. It is mind and heart boggling to witness the downward slide of hellish behaviors in our loved ones. We forgive and forgive, and give and give, only to have it shoved back into our faces. I don't think anything would ever be enough to elicit an iota of gratitude, they just seem to want to suck our very lives out of us. The attitude of entitlement is outrageous. In your posts, you have gone above and beyond to try to help your daughter. One thing struck me...... She got better, when you removed yourself from the picture. Huh. So, it is possible. For her to know and do better. When you step back. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. I was thinking this morning that I had wasted so much time trying to fix something that was out of my control. The kids had a way of guilting me into feeling that it was my responsibility to remain engaged in the swirley whirley and drama of it all, heck, [I]I had a way of guilting myself[/I]. Looking back, it was as if time stood still with it all, fast forward to the present, the reality is, [I]years [/I]and [I]years[/I] slipped by with my involvement and focus on wanting change for my two. [I]Life was rushing past me.[/I] I still hope for change, but know it is not my call to make, that nothing I can say or do will invoke it. Except prayer. I gave them over to God, realizing that I had tried just about everything. I guess all of my agony was not a waste of time, it was a learning process. Let's just stop beating ourselves up over that, [I]because we can't change the past, but we can change our reaction and our behaviors[/I]. When we know better, we do better. You sound more than ready to take back your control. Your daughter is living at your expense, literally and figuratively and it is unacceptable. You have value and worth, no one should be abusing you, least of all your own adult child. Me, too. Be it drugs, or mental illness, these d cs are adults, and we will not be around forever to clean up their mess and sweep away their consequences. They have got to learn from their choices. You can do this, and so can she, as she has already shown you. Making lists of things you need to do is a good start. You have already made a new start, by saying "Enough" Good for you. Stand your ground. Welcome, Newstart. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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