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Back in the dark lonesome hole.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 722344" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I deal with my daughter similarly to Nomad deals with her daughter, every single aspect of life with my daughter is limited, has boundaries and very clear cut ways of dealing with me. It took me awhile to get that all in place, but it works so much better for me. </p><p></p><p>There is no more disrespect in any way, I will not tolerate it in any fashion. After time, she got it. I would simply hang up or leave as soon as that "other daughter with the bad attitude" showed up. We see each other minimally, often I was driving her to chiropractor and acupuncture appointments but recently while I waited outside beeping and texting, she slept. She used to do that all the time, absolutely no regard for my time or feelings. This time I waited 3 minutes, no response from her so I left. She texted when she woke up that she was sorry and from this point on she will find a ride on her own. For me, that was a big deal. She apologized, took responsibility and she said she'd handle it on her own. A couple of years ago, I would have hung there banging on doors, phoning continually and I would have stressed myself out.....</p><p></p><p>When we left on our trip to Kauai, I told her I do not want any negatives, 'no texts with your present drama, this trip is about me and resting and you need to respect it and leave me out of the loop'. Not only has she done that, she does text us, but only to say I hope you're having a wonderful trip and I love you. Amazingly, during the CA. Fires that we were impacted by, she texted me daily telling me everything was alright, not to worry, that things were calming down. </p><p></p><p>My daughter is likely (undiagnosed) bi-polar as well. The strict boundaries around her behavior has made an enormous difference in my well being and peace of mind. She knows right from wrong and she can adapt to my rules, so I have an abundance of rules about almost everything. </p><p></p><p>The interesting thing is that as I enacted so many rules and boundaries around her behavior, she is a much nicer person, she is not as difficult to be around, her personality seems to have shifted, at least around me. I honestly think she feels better about herself too, not being such a selfish, entitled brat around me.</p><p></p><p>Newstart, you've made great strides and you seem "done." You have all the tools in place. You've come to the right place, we're all working our way thru this, you're sure not alone!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 722344, member: 13542"] I deal with my daughter similarly to Nomad deals with her daughter, every single aspect of life with my daughter is limited, has boundaries and very clear cut ways of dealing with me. It took me awhile to get that all in place, but it works so much better for me. There is no more disrespect in any way, I will not tolerate it in any fashion. After time, she got it. I would simply hang up or leave as soon as that "other daughter with the bad attitude" showed up. We see each other minimally, often I was driving her to chiropractor and acupuncture appointments but recently while I waited outside beeping and texting, she slept. She used to do that all the time, absolutely no regard for my time or feelings. This time I waited 3 minutes, no response from her so I left. She texted when she woke up that she was sorry and from this point on she will find a ride on her own. For me, that was a big deal. She apologized, took responsibility and she said she'd handle it on her own. A couple of years ago, I would have hung there banging on doors, phoning continually and I would have stressed myself out..... When we left on our trip to Kauai, I told her I do not want any negatives, 'no texts with your present drama, this trip is about me and resting and you need to respect it and leave me out of the loop'. Not only has she done that, she does text us, but only to say I hope you're having a wonderful trip and I love you. Amazingly, during the CA. Fires that we were impacted by, she texted me daily telling me everything was alright, not to worry, that things were calming down. My daughter is likely (undiagnosed) bi-polar as well. The strict boundaries around her behavior has made an enormous difference in my well being and peace of mind. She knows right from wrong and she can adapt to my rules, so I have an abundance of rules about almost everything. The interesting thing is that as I enacted so many rules and boundaries around her behavior, she is a much nicer person, she is not as difficult to be around, her personality seems to have shifted, at least around me. I honestly think she feels better about herself too, not being such a selfish, entitled brat around me. Newstart, you've made great strides and you seem "done." You have all the tools in place. You've come to the right place, we're all working our way thru this, you're sure not alone! [/QUOTE]
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