Bad Bad Day

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SmartGrl001, Oct 17, 2008.

  1. SmartGrl001

    SmartGrl001 Christy two days ago it was rainy all day. I knew the night before that it would be raining all day and dreaded the thought of being stuck inside all day with my 3 year old. She won't sit and play, or color with me, or do anything real nicely with me for any period of time that would help. Usually she's like the energizer bunny on speed. But she had a really good day even being inside. Then yesteday she woke up and had a not so great morning, but we had to get dressed for her to go to school (2 hour preschool), and she didn't want to get dressed, didn't want to go to school (very unusual for her as she loves going out and loves being with other kids....I think she's starting to realize that they expect some sort of structure at school and it's bugging her...and that the "good" kids get stamps on their hands, and she has yet to get a stamp on her hand). I finally get her out the door, also carrying my 7 month old in the baby thing I know my 3 year old is across the street chasing birds. Now, we don't live on a busy street, but still. So we get to school and I warned the teachers she wasn't having such a good morning. But when I picked her up, they said she wasn't bad...maybe a little better than the last time, which was a little better than the time before. Still not good enough for a stamp. She did good sharing, and did good helping to clean up, but doesn't do good in circle time when they're expected to listen and participate in singing/dancing/sitting. The rest of the day wasn't bad.

    Today....OMG. I am just glad she's in bed right now. From the time she got up until the time she took her nap she was like the evil energizer bunny on speed....running around...chasing dogs....hitting and throwing things....telling people to shut up....hitting dogs....tantrum after tantrum....went into time out finally, and when her 2 minutes were up, I went to talk to her she said she didn't want to talk and turned her back to me. Of course the whole time she's in a time out she is screaming, and crying, and yelling, and "mommy come here...I sorry". but that's from the minute she's put in time out. They don't seem to work on her behavior, but it gives me two minutes of her at least sitting still, sort of. Not two minutes of quiet, but at least she's not breaking anything in time out. Seeing as they don't work, I only put her there as a last resort, and as a sort of "let's try to regroup". Sometimes it calms her down a little anyway.

    Then I go up to shower. there is a child gate at the bottom of the stairs so she can't just go upstairs and get into things, and so the 7 month old doesn't get brave and try the stairs, and so the dogs don't go up there unattended. Anyway, anybody going up the stairs without her is always a cause for a huge tantrum, and is anybody going outside without her. I guess after she noticed I went up the stairs she was telling my mom and my fiance that I "whipped" her. I think they misunderstood, I think she was trying to say "mommy with me" she doesn't ever say "Me with mommy"....but I guess it was a quite dramatic and long tantrum because she couldn't come with me.

    We went grocery shopping, (her, the 7 month old, their daddy, and their grandmother). Of course when it's all of us it's a 3 store thing. She wanted a special something (for her it can be anything....won't keep her interest anyway). the first two store she was told if she was good she could have something, and of course she wasn't good, and didn't get anything. I had to chase her down in the first store to get her out of there. So of course she's throwing fits. I had to pick her up to get her back to the car...of course the whole time she's yelling "owie" as if I'm hurting her (all I am doing at this point is carrying her). She doesn't want to get in her carseat. Ugh. The second store she wouldn't stop messing with the cart...and the 7 month old was in the cart. I finally put her in the seat because I couldn't handle her being able to go all over the store....she got mad at one point and started to take off on her father and I. So she got nothing there either, but this time didn't throw a fit. the third store she wasn't as bad, but we always have an issue with her just sitting in the child seat of the cart. She lays in it, tries to sit backwards where her little but ends up being on the handle for the cart, which is so dangerous I know, goes into the basket of the cart. Basically she needs her own cart in a grocery store. But...she didn't throw any tantrums in there...she didn't scream, hit, yell, cause a scene. We did get her something there.

    We got home and it was time for her nap. Since daddy was home today I napped with her. It just kills me how peaceful and happy she is when she is sleeping, and how disruptive and monsterous she is when she is awake. I always start crying when I watch her sleep. She had the feeding issues and reflux as an infant, and she doesn't seem all that happy now. I keep questioning why a child would be born if they were meant to be miserable their whole lives? I can't help but look at other mothers with children who do not act this way...where they can sit and draw or do crafty things, do a puzzle, teach them things, and wonder what it's like...and be envious because it must be nice to not be told to shut up or be treated like you are hated, at least for one whole day. It's so hard to give unconditional love to a child that seems to hate you. Ever since she was born I have taken parenting as a very serious issue...everything you do when you raise a child can have a lasting impact on them. I have tried really hard to be the mother I wanted to be, and it seems like with her it is going to be a fruitless effort. When she was 18 months I thought it was early terrible 2's. For the past year, I was chalking most of it up to the terrible 2's...but the older she gets, the worse she gets...the more she acts like some day she's just going to get to a point where she pops from all of the energy and aggression she puts out, and it's very very rarely a good energy.

    *sigh* sorry to go on and on. Maybe I'm just tired tonight. Maybe I'm just overemotional tonight. I don't know. I watch her some days and wonder how I'm ever going to get through all this....wonder if she's ever going to be a legitimately happy person. I wonder how she's going to make it through life...with school, personal relationships, the law (the way she acts I'm so fearful she'll end up in juvi by the age of 13). I'm terrified at the thought of her future. I know we haven't even started therapy, or anything else, just some days are so overwhelming all I can do by the end of the day is watch her in disbelief that she is so defiant, and acts so "crazy" hyper and aggressive.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm sorry about your no good rotten day. It's truly amazing how such a small child is capable of bringing us to our knees. It sounds to me as though you both need to feel some success. You as a parent and difficult child as a child. Personally, I'd try to lower the expectations of behavior a little bit until you get a grasp of what's happening with difficult child. Maybe pick two things like safety (for herself and others/pets) and speaking respectfully (no more shut up). Then give her a sticker for every hour (or even less time if necessary) she manages that. I wouldn't tell her until after she earns her first sticker so she doesn't self-sabotage. A lot of our kids just can't take the pressure of trying to behave appropriately.

    I would also get rain slickers and rain boots for the family, ditto for winter gear. I suspect she's one of those kids that needs to run it off and be in nature a lot to feel good. Maybe take her out to collect leaves and let her create a collage or just glue them to paper. Nothing is lost if she "ruins" it, but she's still getting a valuable experience. I usually do art projects on the patio or in the basement. :winks:

    I moved heaven and earth to not take Duckie into stores when she was this age, because she reacted much the same way as your difficult child. I used to wait until husband got home from work and we had dinner to shop. It was worth the late hour to not face the meltdowns.

    And as for you, young lady.... What are you doing to take care of you? Seriously! You need to make a little time for you at regular intervals to recharge your batteries.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, and wecome.
    You ARE a good mother. This is not your fault. I have a few questions that could help us help you. You may want to do a signature like I did below.

    1/Has she ever had any sort of evaluation beyond a regular pediatrician? Has she seen a Developmental Pediatrician or had any sort of evaluation at all? I like NeuroPsychs, even for little ones. They test very thoroughly. It is unusual though to get the final answer as to what is wrong with your child at age three. You can get a "working diagnosis" which is sort of like a temporary diagnosis, but then your child can still qualify for services, usually in public school, and they are free. Maybe she needs a special preschool. I personally really dislike little kids getting stamped hands for being "good." That is going to make your daughter, and others, think they are "bad." And in my opinion she's not bad. She does not seem able to calm down. This can be caused by many things, but it doesn't sound to me like it is her choice or her fault.

    2/ Are there any psychiatric or substance abuse problems on either side of her family tree? Any mood disorders? Any relatives who are may have any mental illnesses but went undiagnosed?

    3/How was her early development? I know she was difficult, but did she make good eye contact with you as a baby? Did she cuddle well? Did she speak on time? And I know she likes other kids, but does she interact appropriately with them for her age? (This is a hard question for a three year old, I know). How does she transition? Does it make her rage? Does she play with toys correctly and seem to have a good imagination? Does she ever copy what she hears and repeat it rather than speaking spontaneously?

    Others will come along. There is a lot of hope that your daughter CAN be a happy kid. You just need to see what is wrong and intervene early :)
  4. SmartGrl001

    SmartGrl001 Christy

    Hehe....sorry....I thought I did a signature again. This is not my first post...I started the post "At my breaking point". I was just posting to say what a horrid day it was yesterday. My definite release in anything is writing. It prevents me from going off on people. So I write. You'll have to excuse that on this board, as I'm sure I'll have many posts and many questions as we delve deeper into my daughter. I really thought I did a siggy though. I will do it again.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Underneath the "Quick Reply" box in which you can post a response, there is a box that says, "Show your signature." If that box is not checked, your signature will not show up.
  6. SmartGrl001

    SmartGrl001 Christy

    Let's see if this siggy shows up.
  7. karif

    karif crazymomof4

    First things first you are a wonderful mom. I understand believe me dealing with behaviors day in and day out without the hope of anything changeing, gets really old after a while. I don't know what she has been diagnosed with, if anything yet but you have to realize it is not her fault nor yours. I spent way to much time in my sons life blaiming him for his behaviors. When we finally went to a therapist and he told me what he had, I was heart broken for him. I looked at him in a differant light. You can manage her behaviors maybe behavior modification with a therapist or medication. Maybe look at her diet, if she tends to be more on the add or adhd there are specific diets that can work for her. NOw getting a 3 year old to cooperate on eating, well that's a whole other issue. You can look all that up on line. The main thing is don't beat yourself up. Love your daughter for who she is not what she has. God gave her to you for a reason, she isn't going to be misserable all her life, only when she is a teenager. (ha!ha!) Hugs and hang in there. You can read my sob story on I need help with my 3 year old!! on this board. :D
  8. weenie1

    weenie1 crazy mom

    I am sorry that u had a horrible day. It seems like we have alot of those type of days. You need to take time to take care of u. I know it is hard, my difficult child's are 11 and 9 and I feel quilty if I take time for myself, but I have learned from this group of wonderful people that if I don't take care of myself I will not be able to take care of my children.

    I can not say that life gets easier because it does not. U just get better at handling the things that are thrown at u. My difficult child 2 has had a teenage mouth on her since see was big enough to talk. Told husband that when she turns 13 that I was leaving and he could deal with her.LOL. :tongue:

    Just be sure to take time for yourself that is very important.