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Bad Morning - At Wits End
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 372231" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It sounds like a really hard morning. It is never fun to adjust medications, esp if you have to titrate up slowly. Can you ask the doctor for a short acting stimulant like adderal to fill in those times that the intuniv isn't working? When the intuniv is full strength and working the prn stimulant can be eliminated.</p><p> </p><p>You may not like this next advice and point of view. I used to be like you and get upset over a lot of stuff my kids did. It helped NOTHING.</p><p> </p><p>My pcs mix different soda flavors every time they are at a fountain. As long as they drink it and don't get in anyone's way, it doesn't hurt anything. They know not to complain or ask for another drink if it is gross. I let it go because it really doesn't matter in the long run if they have sprite or sprite and dr pepper and powerade mixed together with a little lemonade and a shot of cherry syrup. <strong>I</strong> don't have to drink it so why should it bug me? I watched the kids at a party after the last soccer team a few years ago. My kid was NOT the only one mixing all the soda flavors. EVERY SINGLE KID THERE DID IT if they didn't have a parent standing there fussing about it. Kids from age 5 to 18 because a lot of teams went to the same place to celebrate. It didn't hurt anyone or anything.</p><p> </p><p>Why not either have just one cereal at a time or get a BIG container for each of them. Let them mix their cereal in that ahead of time and take a bowl when they want it. Or let them mix cereal as long as they clean up any spillage and eat what they mix? My kids rarely put milk on cereal They will drink milk, but we like it with-o milk on it. We lived with my parents for a while and it was a HUGE deal to my dad. For some reason it bugged him to no end. He FINALLY let it go when he forced my oldest (my difficult child with enormous sensory problems who gags at a LOT of textures, esp soggy ones) to eat a large bowl of cereal with milk. Wiz did NOT make the bowl of cereal because the rule was if you make it, you eat it. Gpa poured it (in a quart size serving bowl that he uses for cereal) and put the milk on it. About half way through the gagging got the better of Wiz and he puked on the table. My dad cannot STAND vomiting. After that Gpa never pushed the issue again. We still don't know why it was an issue because my mother and I have eaten dry cereal for most of my life. </p><p> </p><p>Some of the battles are making your day harder and don't need to be fought. If the kids will pick up spilled cereal let them mix it. As long as they eat it. It doesn't really hurt anyone, does it? Same for the stuff on pancakes. Make it policy that they have to wipe up the mess on the counters or there will be no more peanut butter and applesauce. If you need to have peanut butter and applesauce around and they won't clean it up, put it in your room or somewhere you can lock it up. Let them PROVE that they can handle it by cleaning up after themselves for a week. If the applesauce won't keep, get smaller jars or the individual cups. </p><p> </p><p>Keep some of those disinfecting wipes around for the kids to wipe up the counter or table with. You can also use baby wipes for this (they are cheaper and do a pretty good job). My boys both have sensory issues and smear their place at the table with dirty fingers. Every time. They also know they have to either get spray and a paper towel or a wipe to clean up their place after they eat. It took a while to work it out, but it is pretty routine now. My oldest lives with my parents, is almost 19 and still does it. It is annoying to find the mess if he doesn't clean it up, but other than that it hurts no one. The sky isn't going to fall and no one is going to take the kids away if they smear stuff on the table. They are old enough to wipe it off. Put a reward in place for cleaning up what they smear and be calm but consistent about having them wipe it up.</p><p> </p><p>You know your youngest cannot really function with-o his medications. Putting demands on him before his medications work is just going to make life hard and tense for all of you. He really cannot help being that hyper. It is how his brain is wired, not a choice that he is making.</p><p> </p><p>In the morning have your son do something with all that energy. Have him run laps around the house. get a mini trampoline and have him jump on it while he watches tv. Have him take the dog for a walk/run if you have a dog. He needs SOMETHING to do with that energy, so find a constructive, or at least not destructive, thing for him to do. Wait to make him get dressed until the medications kick in. He isn't going to do it before then anyway, even if you start the battle two hours earlier.</p><p> </p><p>Simplify his life and possessions. If he has blankets that he drags around that make a mess, find a smaller blanket that he can use or make him a cape out of blanket material. If he likes the weight of the bigger blanket sew some pockets into it and put some small heavy objects int here (sew the pocket closed with big stitches so you can remove the item or use something that can go through the washer and dryer, or use velcro to close the pocket). </p><p> </p><p>Take a look at the morning problems and ask if the battles are really worth it, if they are accomplishing anything, teaching the kids anything that they really need? If not, try to let it go. They are both old enough to clean up their messes, so supply what they need and have them do it. It will take time to get them to do it, but it will help in the long run. Your youngest may actually need to wait until his medications kick in to wipe up the table, but that is OK too. </p><p> </p><p>Your son's behavior makes me think that he has some sensory issues. Sometimes the brain doesn't process input from the senses in the typical way. Have your son evaluated for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory integration disorder) by a private occupational therapist. Schools have OTs on staff but they only look for problems that make an impact on their school day. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) will look for how it causes problems in every part of their life. There is a LOT that can be done to help sensory issues and in my opinion MOST kids with autistic spectrum problems have sensory problems. Our neuropsychologist thinks that Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is at the mildest end of the autistic spectrum. </p><p> </p><p>Battles in the morning set everyone up for a rotten day. If you can find a way to step back from the problems, get the kids to take responsibility for cleaning up at least part of their messes, and wait to put real demands on difficult child 2 until he actually CAN do the things, I think you will tame a whole lot of these problems.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry things are so rough. I remember those mornings when nothing went right ever and every day was the same battle over and over. None of it got better until I got control of myself and picked my battles wisely. Ten years from now nothing will have changed whether your son drank a mixture of every flavor of drink available or he drank just one flavor. The battles over stuff like this might have an effect in ten years because it is tearing up your relationship with your kids. Looking at it from that point of view also helped me. </p><p> </p><p>This is just suggestions. I know sometimes it is really hard to let go of things like this. It was for me. I was a HUGE screamer, esp in the mornings. I found a book about moms and anger that opened my eyes and really helped me figure out when I was getting mad, why and how to change how I reacted when I was mad. It also helped me see how my yelling and screaming and anger were HURTING my family, and how I could change that. The book has a Christian bent, but if you are not Christian it can still be very helpful, in my opinion. A few friends of other faiths have been able to use it while overlooking the religious aspects. It is called, "She's Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing With Anger" by Julie Ann Barnhill and is available at amazon.</p><p> </p><p>Adjusting your expectations can make a HUGE difference in the overall atmosphere of your home. I hope this helps and does not upset you. I DO understand how you are feeling, and how stressful it is to have kids making messes just as soon as you clean things up. </p><p> </p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 372231, member: 1233"] It sounds like a really hard morning. It is never fun to adjust medications, esp if you have to titrate up slowly. Can you ask the doctor for a short acting stimulant like adderal to fill in those times that the intuniv isn't working? When the intuniv is full strength and working the prn stimulant can be eliminated. You may not like this next advice and point of view. I used to be like you and get upset over a lot of stuff my kids did. It helped NOTHING. My pcs mix different soda flavors every time they are at a fountain. As long as they drink it and don't get in anyone's way, it doesn't hurt anything. They know not to complain or ask for another drink if it is gross. I let it go because it really doesn't matter in the long run if they have sprite or sprite and dr pepper and powerade mixed together with a little lemonade and a shot of cherry syrup. [B]I[/B] don't have to drink it so why should it bug me? I watched the kids at a party after the last soccer team a few years ago. My kid was NOT the only one mixing all the soda flavors. EVERY SINGLE KID THERE DID IT if they didn't have a parent standing there fussing about it. Kids from age 5 to 18 because a lot of teams went to the same place to celebrate. It didn't hurt anyone or anything. Why not either have just one cereal at a time or get a BIG container for each of them. Let them mix their cereal in that ahead of time and take a bowl when they want it. Or let them mix cereal as long as they clean up any spillage and eat what they mix? My kids rarely put milk on cereal They will drink milk, but we like it with-o milk on it. We lived with my parents for a while and it was a HUGE deal to my dad. For some reason it bugged him to no end. He FINALLY let it go when he forced my oldest (my difficult child with enormous sensory problems who gags at a LOT of textures, esp soggy ones) to eat a large bowl of cereal with milk. Wiz did NOT make the bowl of cereal because the rule was if you make it, you eat it. Gpa poured it (in a quart size serving bowl that he uses for cereal) and put the milk on it. About half way through the gagging got the better of Wiz and he puked on the table. My dad cannot STAND vomiting. After that Gpa never pushed the issue again. We still don't know why it was an issue because my mother and I have eaten dry cereal for most of my life. Some of the battles are making your day harder and don't need to be fought. If the kids will pick up spilled cereal let them mix it. As long as they eat it. It doesn't really hurt anyone, does it? Same for the stuff on pancakes. Make it policy that they have to wipe up the mess on the counters or there will be no more peanut butter and applesauce. If you need to have peanut butter and applesauce around and they won't clean it up, put it in your room or somewhere you can lock it up. Let them PROVE that they can handle it by cleaning up after themselves for a week. If the applesauce won't keep, get smaller jars or the individual cups. Keep some of those disinfecting wipes around for the kids to wipe up the counter or table with. You can also use baby wipes for this (they are cheaper and do a pretty good job). My boys both have sensory issues and smear their place at the table with dirty fingers. Every time. They also know they have to either get spray and a paper towel or a wipe to clean up their place after they eat. It took a while to work it out, but it is pretty routine now. My oldest lives with my parents, is almost 19 and still does it. It is annoying to find the mess if he doesn't clean it up, but other than that it hurts no one. The sky isn't going to fall and no one is going to take the kids away if they smear stuff on the table. They are old enough to wipe it off. Put a reward in place for cleaning up what they smear and be calm but consistent about having them wipe it up. You know your youngest cannot really function with-o his medications. Putting demands on him before his medications work is just going to make life hard and tense for all of you. He really cannot help being that hyper. It is how his brain is wired, not a choice that he is making. In the morning have your son do something with all that energy. Have him run laps around the house. get a mini trampoline and have him jump on it while he watches tv. Have him take the dog for a walk/run if you have a dog. He needs SOMETHING to do with that energy, so find a constructive, or at least not destructive, thing for him to do. Wait to make him get dressed until the medications kick in. He isn't going to do it before then anyway, even if you start the battle two hours earlier. Simplify his life and possessions. If he has blankets that he drags around that make a mess, find a smaller blanket that he can use or make him a cape out of blanket material. If he likes the weight of the bigger blanket sew some pockets into it and put some small heavy objects int here (sew the pocket closed with big stitches so you can remove the item or use something that can go through the washer and dryer, or use velcro to close the pocket). Take a look at the morning problems and ask if the battles are really worth it, if they are accomplishing anything, teaching the kids anything that they really need? If not, try to let it go. They are both old enough to clean up their messes, so supply what they need and have them do it. It will take time to get them to do it, but it will help in the long run. Your youngest may actually need to wait until his medications kick in to wipe up the table, but that is OK too. Your son's behavior makes me think that he has some sensory issues. Sometimes the brain doesn't process input from the senses in the typical way. Have your son evaluated for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory integration disorder) by a private occupational therapist. Schools have OTs on staff but they only look for problems that make an impact on their school day. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) will look for how it causes problems in every part of their life. There is a LOT that can be done to help sensory issues and in my opinion MOST kids with autistic spectrum problems have sensory problems. Our neuropsychologist thinks that Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is at the mildest end of the autistic spectrum. Battles in the morning set everyone up for a rotten day. If you can find a way to step back from the problems, get the kids to take responsibility for cleaning up at least part of their messes, and wait to put real demands on difficult child 2 until he actually CAN do the things, I think you will tame a whole lot of these problems. I am sorry things are so rough. I remember those mornings when nothing went right ever and every day was the same battle over and over. None of it got better until I got control of myself and picked my battles wisely. Ten years from now nothing will have changed whether your son drank a mixture of every flavor of drink available or he drank just one flavor. The battles over stuff like this might have an effect in ten years because it is tearing up your relationship with your kids. Looking at it from that point of view also helped me. This is just suggestions. I know sometimes it is really hard to let go of things like this. It was for me. I was a HUGE screamer, esp in the mornings. I found a book about moms and anger that opened my eyes and really helped me figure out when I was getting mad, why and how to change how I reacted when I was mad. It also helped me see how my yelling and screaming and anger were HURTING my family, and how I could change that. The book has a Christian bent, but if you are not Christian it can still be very helpful, in my opinion. A few friends of other faiths have been able to use it while overlooking the religious aspects. It is called, "She's Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing With Anger" by Julie Ann Barnhill and is available at amazon. Adjusting your expectations can make a HUGE difference in the overall atmosphere of your home. I hope this helps and does not upset you. I DO understand how you are feeling, and how stressful it is to have kids making messes just as soon as you clean things up. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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