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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 495405"><p>Thank you all... it means so much. Nancy I think he thinks he is not an addict because of statements that have been made and because he does not feel he is physically addicted. I don't think those in the programs have been telling him that. I know other people here have had professionals tell their kids that.. I am hoping none of those working with my son have told him that. What I have found in the 2 rehabs he has been in is that a lot of the young people coming ins main drug of choice is pot, like my son.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you the addiction is a powerful force. I think he finds he can do well if it is not around him and he is not faced with it directly... but the urge is strong that he does not refuse it when it is presented to him. Fact is you can not be around a sober community without someone somewhere relapsing... so to stay sober you have to want it and be committed to it yourself..and I don't think he is there yet. In our few texts yesterday he did not admit that he was drinking... it was all about the girl drinking but i don't buy that for a minute and obviously the sober house doesn't either.</p><p></p><p>The other issue he has which he has always had is his need to defy the rules. This is a problem he also has to face. I don't think this problem was created by substance use because it was there before substance use... probably why stealing beers to try them was so attractive to him in the first place. So to me the whole thing where this girl and he came up with this plan to call the place and explain she was his "cousin" is a part of that... and so his absolute defiance and disrespect and disregard for the rules where he was living is kind of appalling to me. They are treating him as an adult and so they didn't call and check with me that she was his cousin!!! I would have told him no way.</p><p></p><p>So to me this whole thing is a result of both of his issues substance use and his defiance..... and that combo is going to land him in jail or worse.</p><p></p><p>A part of me just can't believe he did this... it was so fricking stupid.... this was the place he wanted to be. No one put him there. It is where he wanted to go. Why on earth does he keep sabatoging himself for??? I can't fathom it.</p><p></p><p>I do know I have to stay strong. I can't rescue him. I did suggest yesterday that he might call the salvation army!! We had this text conversation yesterday which started with him saying "please". I am not sure if he texted me by accdent or if he asked me for something that I never got.... because he still hasn't told me what he was asking for. He did at one point say we would not be paying rent and i said I wasn't sure if that was a statement or a question but no we would not be paying rent. (Although at some point I would pay rent for a sober house again probably). He asked about insurance... and I did mention that it is the start of the year BUT I also said maybe he needs to be homeless for a couple of weeks before any more tx to really get it. I put money on the grocery card on Wednesday so he still has that. The Sears gift card (which was his xmas present) is being sent back to us and I told him we will hold it for him for when he is on a good path again. </p><p></p><p>My husband who is a wonderful guy actually felt a little guilty about taking back the Xmas gift of the gift card. I said I don't feel guilty at all... that was because he was doing well and on the right path. I am not giving him a card he can now sell for drugs... he got that but really he is so much more of a softie. Luckily he does check with me before agreeing to anything with difficult child... and difficult child knows this so tends to ask me first!. LOL.</p><p></p><p>I am determiend to get through this no matter what. I will not let him ruin my life.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 495405"] Thank you all... it means so much. Nancy I think he thinks he is not an addict because of statements that have been made and because he does not feel he is physically addicted. I don't think those in the programs have been telling him that. I know other people here have had professionals tell their kids that.. I am hoping none of those working with my son have told him that. What I have found in the 2 rehabs he has been in is that a lot of the young people coming ins main drug of choice is pot, like my son. I agree with you the addiction is a powerful force. I think he finds he can do well if it is not around him and he is not faced with it directly... but the urge is strong that he does not refuse it when it is presented to him. Fact is you can not be around a sober community without someone somewhere relapsing... so to stay sober you have to want it and be committed to it yourself..and I don't think he is there yet. In our few texts yesterday he did not admit that he was drinking... it was all about the girl drinking but i don't buy that for a minute and obviously the sober house doesn't either. The other issue he has which he has always had is his need to defy the rules. This is a problem he also has to face. I don't think this problem was created by substance use because it was there before substance use... probably why stealing beers to try them was so attractive to him in the first place. So to me the whole thing where this girl and he came up with this plan to call the place and explain she was his "cousin" is a part of that... and so his absolute defiance and disrespect and disregard for the rules where he was living is kind of appalling to me. They are treating him as an adult and so they didn't call and check with me that she was his cousin!!! I would have told him no way. So to me this whole thing is a result of both of his issues substance use and his defiance..... and that combo is going to land him in jail or worse. A part of me just can't believe he did this... it was so fricking stupid.... this was the place he wanted to be. No one put him there. It is where he wanted to go. Why on earth does he keep sabatoging himself for??? I can't fathom it. I do know I have to stay strong. I can't rescue him. I did suggest yesterday that he might call the salvation army!! We had this text conversation yesterday which started with him saying "please". I am not sure if he texted me by accdent or if he asked me for something that I never got.... because he still hasn't told me what he was asking for. He did at one point say we would not be paying rent and i said I wasn't sure if that was a statement or a question but no we would not be paying rent. (Although at some point I would pay rent for a sober house again probably). He asked about insurance... and I did mention that it is the start of the year BUT I also said maybe he needs to be homeless for a couple of weeks before any more tx to really get it. I put money on the grocery card on Wednesday so he still has that. The Sears gift card (which was his xmas present) is being sent back to us and I told him we will hold it for him for when he is on a good path again. My husband who is a wonderful guy actually felt a little guilty about taking back the Xmas gift of the gift card. I said I don't feel guilty at all... that was because he was doing well and on the right path. I am not giving him a card he can now sell for drugs... he got that but really he is so much more of a softie. Luckily he does check with me before agreeing to anything with difficult child... and difficult child knows this so tends to ask me first!. LOL. I am determiend to get through this no matter what. I will not let him ruin my life. TL [/QUOTE]
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