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Substance Abuse
Bad phone Call
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 690041" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Pasa, I am so sorry for the heartache of this, how well I know it. After hubs passed, Tornado was planning on moving home. I had to tell her that I loved her and the grands but we had already tried that route too many times and it failed miserably. She was of course upset with me but I dug my heels in. I told her that I needed peace and so did she and the kids and that all her father wanted was a better life for our kids and grands then what he had. Somehow she will have to understand.</p><p>When our d cs have expectations of us more than they do of themselves it is a recipe for disaster for everyone concerned. It is as if we are running alongside them while they ride their "two wheeled bike" faster and faster going downhill and they want us to keep hanging on.</p><p>I know it is hard and those phone calls bring temptation to cave, it feels awful during and after. I am learning to declare out loud, in my head and heart, that I deserve space and peace and they need the opportunity to prove that they can accomplish their potential.</p><p>That just does not happen if I continue to "hold on to the bike." </p><p>The whole question of "helping vs enabling" comes into play. How do we gauge which is which? I think for me, a lot will be contingent on attitude. If I feel stepped on and that I am being taken advantage of, I will trust that instinct and pull back. </p><p>It still doesn't make it any easier and I am grateful to have others share their stories with the hard raw emotions we face. </p><p>Hang in their dear, and so will I.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 690041, member: 19522"] Pasa, I am so sorry for the heartache of this, how well I know it. After hubs passed, Tornado was planning on moving home. I had to tell her that I loved her and the grands but we had already tried that route too many times and it failed miserably. She was of course upset with me but I dug my heels in. I told her that I needed peace and so did she and the kids and that all her father wanted was a better life for our kids and grands then what he had. Somehow she will have to understand. When our d cs have expectations of us more than they do of themselves it is a recipe for disaster for everyone concerned. It is as if we are running alongside them while they ride their "two wheeled bike" faster and faster going downhill and they want us to keep hanging on. I know it is hard and those phone calls bring temptation to cave, it feels awful during and after. I am learning to declare out loud, in my head and heart, that I deserve space and peace and they need the opportunity to prove that they can accomplish their potential. That just does not happen if I continue to "hold on to the bike." The whole question of "helping vs enabling" comes into play. How do we gauge which is which? I think for me, a lot will be contingent on attitude. If I feel stepped on and that I am being taken advantage of, I will trust that instinct and pull back. It still doesn't make it any easier and I am grateful to have others share their stories with the hard raw emotions we face. Hang in their dear, and so will I. (((Hugs))) Leaf [/QUOTE]
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