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Bad week, father in law is dying...been gone since Monday
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 444250" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>HNR </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for the loss you are facing with your father in law. It's obvious you do have a deep respect and love for that man, and he surely will be missed by your husband, you and I'm sure his Grandchildren. My deepest admiration for your breaking heart and know that you are in MY heart for support and strength in the coming days ahead. </p><p></p><p>Very much keeping one unpleasantry from another with regards to your Mother In Law. It's interesting how womens minds work isn't it? How we are so quick to form opinions about other wiomen? In my own life I know for a fact that with regards to Dudes small years of girlfriends even I have found myself wishing and telling people that I would NEVER EVER do do a girl what my Mother in Law did to me because it was horrid. The woman was beyond description of her heinous acts, her unkindness, her backstabbing, immoral, going out of her way to make me feel unloved and uncomfortable in every situation possible. Then there I was, faced with one of Dudes choices for a girlfrined. He called, said "I love her, I want to marry her Momma." and I nearly passed out when he sent the picture over a text. I swear to you I called Janet and said things that were not so kind. Not ugly, but not things she would have found complimentary. Nothing I would have felt comfortable repeating in her presence. I'm not opposed to multiracial people, she was about seven different races - no biggie. I'm not opposed to tattoed people. I'm not opposed to people with piercings, or bisexual people, or people that have an occasional drink or even people that want to do their own thing with recreational drugs - just don't do them near me. But when you roll all those things up into one 17 year old girl who from day to day changes her ethniticity from white, to black, to puertorican, to dominician, to latino, to cuban, to elsalvadorian depending on her mood, her temper, her attitude, her wanting to kill my son....and has more tattoos than a prison gang member - her skull was completely tattooed, down her back across her chest, her forhead, she had more holes in her from piercings than I could count - I'm figuring byt the time the metal wears on her body at age 25 her nose should be at her belly button - if not there at LEAST past her lip, and her guages are bigger than butter lids, I think her wife was more in love with my son that she was, or at least paid more attention to him, and her drinking and pot smoking pictures were the last thing I wanted to see on her FB page - Lovely hooka. So yeah - WE DO form opinions about people and it's HARD to rise above our stigmas and see the person underneeth all that and say "Wow so she's a great artist, and she loves you? Wonderful? When is the wedding, I can't wait for grandchildren = that should be interesting....all than and throw in Native american, French, Welsh, Irish and Dutch." WHoopie. Hope he goes and works for the UN. </p><p></p><p>Point I'm trying to make here - is Your mother in law? Does NOT have to like you. Not then, not now, not in the future. JUST BECAUSE you love her son? (shrug) Doesn't mean a whole lot. Good for you, you love her son. Doesn't mean squat to her. You need to stop looking for her approval. Doesn't mean you have to hate her either. You're not "sharing" him either. He lives with you. There is a certain amount of time that he needs to go be with her.....and you need to let her have him. When he does? (shrug again) GO do something for yourself. Stop inviting yourself to be with THEM. If he wants you there? Just say something like "OH you kow what? I had this other thing I really was going to do - why don't you just go on and hang out with your Mom, If I can catch up with you both I'll call." </p><p></p><p>I mean it would be great if you COULD get along with her----but you don't. OH WELL. In this world we are going to have people that we do NOT get along with. Agree to disagree and find another something to do. As far as her moving near you? I bet nothing is FURTHER from HER mind. I wouldn't worry about that either. Doesn't sound like she would WANT to be near you.....not being ugly but why come there - she has few things in common, at this stage shes NOT looking to build a freindship of BFF....let her live her life. No sense in teaching her a lesson - live your life - keep being nice like you are.....let her be who she is. And as far as the hugging and I love you - Nyeah.....I would stop that. Say what you mean. You don't love her. When you sign a sympathy card. I'd honestly get two. One for your husband to send his MOm alone.....let HIM sign it love - and maybe one from the grandkids since theyare older let them send THEIR own......and then one signed from you -----just THINKING OF YOU......and your name. NOT love - HNR. Or THINKING OF YOU - HNR and your hubby - </p><p>Otherns will probably come along and say different - but I think it would be a start on being sincere with her. You've tried "I love you -" Shes not receptive to it - so give her want she wants. Thinking of you. Leave it at that. Sending flowers? THINKING OF YOU......During this time. </p><p></p><p>Hope this helps - Hugs :& love </p><p>And I DO love you.....</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 444250, member: 4964"] HNR I'm sorry for the loss you are facing with your father in law. It's obvious you do have a deep respect and love for that man, and he surely will be missed by your husband, you and I'm sure his Grandchildren. My deepest admiration for your breaking heart and know that you are in MY heart for support and strength in the coming days ahead. Very much keeping one unpleasantry from another with regards to your Mother In Law. It's interesting how womens minds work isn't it? How we are so quick to form opinions about other wiomen? In my own life I know for a fact that with regards to Dudes small years of girlfriends even I have found myself wishing and telling people that I would NEVER EVER do do a girl what my Mother in Law did to me because it was horrid. The woman was beyond description of her heinous acts, her unkindness, her backstabbing, immoral, going out of her way to make me feel unloved and uncomfortable in every situation possible. Then there I was, faced with one of Dudes choices for a girlfrined. He called, said "I love her, I want to marry her Momma." and I nearly passed out when he sent the picture over a text. I swear to you I called Janet and said things that were not so kind. Not ugly, but not things she would have found complimentary. Nothing I would have felt comfortable repeating in her presence. I'm not opposed to multiracial people, she was about seven different races - no biggie. I'm not opposed to tattoed people. I'm not opposed to people with piercings, or bisexual people, or people that have an occasional drink or even people that want to do their own thing with recreational drugs - just don't do them near me. But when you roll all those things up into one 17 year old girl who from day to day changes her ethniticity from white, to black, to puertorican, to dominician, to latino, to cuban, to elsalvadorian depending on her mood, her temper, her attitude, her wanting to kill my son....and has more tattoos than a prison gang member - her skull was completely tattooed, down her back across her chest, her forhead, she had more holes in her from piercings than I could count - I'm figuring byt the time the metal wears on her body at age 25 her nose should be at her belly button - if not there at LEAST past her lip, and her guages are bigger than butter lids, I think her wife was more in love with my son that she was, or at least paid more attention to him, and her drinking and pot smoking pictures were the last thing I wanted to see on her FB page - Lovely hooka. So yeah - WE DO form opinions about people and it's HARD to rise above our stigmas and see the person underneeth all that and say "Wow so she's a great artist, and she loves you? Wonderful? When is the wedding, I can't wait for grandchildren = that should be interesting....all than and throw in Native american, French, Welsh, Irish and Dutch." WHoopie. Hope he goes and works for the UN. Point I'm trying to make here - is Your mother in law? Does NOT have to like you. Not then, not now, not in the future. JUST BECAUSE you love her son? (shrug) Doesn't mean a whole lot. Good for you, you love her son. Doesn't mean squat to her. You need to stop looking for her approval. Doesn't mean you have to hate her either. You're not "sharing" him either. He lives with you. There is a certain amount of time that he needs to go be with her.....and you need to let her have him. When he does? (shrug again) GO do something for yourself. Stop inviting yourself to be with THEM. If he wants you there? Just say something like "OH you kow what? I had this other thing I really was going to do - why don't you just go on and hang out with your Mom, If I can catch up with you both I'll call." I mean it would be great if you COULD get along with her----but you don't. OH WELL. In this world we are going to have people that we do NOT get along with. Agree to disagree and find another something to do. As far as her moving near you? I bet nothing is FURTHER from HER mind. I wouldn't worry about that either. Doesn't sound like she would WANT to be near you.....not being ugly but why come there - she has few things in common, at this stage shes NOT looking to build a freindship of BFF....let her live her life. No sense in teaching her a lesson - live your life - keep being nice like you are.....let her be who she is. And as far as the hugging and I love you - Nyeah.....I would stop that. Say what you mean. You don't love her. When you sign a sympathy card. I'd honestly get two. One for your husband to send his MOm alone.....let HIM sign it love - and maybe one from the grandkids since theyare older let them send THEIR own......and then one signed from you -----just THINKING OF YOU......and your name. NOT love - HNR. Or THINKING OF YOU - HNR and your hubby - Otherns will probably come along and say different - but I think it would be a start on being sincere with her. You've tried "I love you -" Shes not receptive to it - so give her want she wants. Thinking of you. Leave it at that. Sending flowers? THINKING OF YOU......During this time. Hope this helps - Hugs :& love And I DO love you..... Star [/QUOTE]
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Bad week, father in law is dying...been gone since Monday
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