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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 646513" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>If it's at all possible for you to get yourself to a therapist, I would strongly suggest you do so. You may also want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here.</p><p></p><p>Your husband and your kids are used to a certain way of being where they can manipulate you and get what they want. You are in a play where everyone knows their roles, it's a script you all have been reading for a long time. It is unlikely that your kids will change since they are the ones benefiting from this and it is also unlikely that your husband will change because he sounds like an enabler. Which leaves you. You are the one suffering and you are the one who is sick of the script, so unfortunately, YOU will have to be the one who has to change.</p><p></p><p>A therapist, or counselor or somebody you choose who can be a guide, will help you negotiate your way through this. The first thing that usually has to happen is you have to provide strict, impenetrable boundaries. Without boundaries, everyone is running amok. I would be jumping out of my skin too if I were you, you are living in chaos.</p><p></p><p>You are being held hostage by your kids and your husband's unwillingness to change this negative behavior which you are called in to run interference for. Turn off your phone. Stop responding. Stop running home to fix it. That may not sound like a good idea but as long as you continue doing it, you will be continually called in to do it. Whatever you allow becomes your experience. That is why most of us need professional help to get out from under. You're in an unhealthy, dysfunctional family dynamic which you have all practiced for a very long time. It is going to take one of you to step out and change your response. That is likely going to be you. If you want this to stop, it sounds as if you are going to be the one to stop it.</p><p></p><p>Its a process, it's going to take time and a commitment from you to make the necessary changes. It isn't easy which is why I always recommend therapy. Changing our usual responses takes courage, commitment and time. But it can be done, most of us here are in various stages of these very same changes I am suggesting to you. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting it helps. Get yourself some support. Read books like Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. Be kind to yourself and begin to take the focus off of your kids and begin putting it on YOU. Welcome. I'm glad you're here with us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 646513, member: 13542"] If it's at all possible for you to get yourself to a therapist, I would strongly suggest you do so. You may also want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Your husband and your kids are used to a certain way of being where they can manipulate you and get what they want. You are in a play where everyone knows their roles, it's a script you all have been reading for a long time. It is unlikely that your kids will change since they are the ones benefiting from this and it is also unlikely that your husband will change because he sounds like an enabler. Which leaves you. You are the one suffering and you are the one who is sick of the script, so unfortunately, YOU will have to be the one who has to change. A therapist, or counselor or somebody you choose who can be a guide, will help you negotiate your way through this. The first thing that usually has to happen is you have to provide strict, impenetrable boundaries. Without boundaries, everyone is running amok. I would be jumping out of my skin too if I were you, you are living in chaos. You are being held hostage by your kids and your husband's unwillingness to change this negative behavior which you are called in to run interference for. Turn off your phone. Stop responding. Stop running home to fix it. That may not sound like a good idea but as long as you continue doing it, you will be continually called in to do it. Whatever you allow becomes your experience. That is why most of us need professional help to get out from under. You're in an unhealthy, dysfunctional family dynamic which you have all practiced for a very long time. It is going to take one of you to step out and change your response. That is likely going to be you. If you want this to stop, it sounds as if you are going to be the one to stop it. Its a process, it's going to take time and a commitment from you to make the necessary changes. It isn't easy which is why I always recommend therapy. Changing our usual responses takes courage, commitment and time. But it can be done, most of us here are in various stages of these very same changes I am suggesting to you. Keep posting it helps. Get yourself some support. Read books like Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. Be kind to yourself and begin to take the focus off of your kids and begin putting it on YOU. Welcome. I'm glad you're here with us. [/QUOTE]
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