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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 612360" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Are you in your 30's? Is your son 14? If not, you don't have to be self-sacrificing anymore. You tried and it didn't do any good. Frankly, I'd be loathe to let her lay around doing nothing, even pregnant. Pregnant women work. Is she taking good care of herself? No drinking or drugs so she doesn't harm the baby? How much do you believe her words? </p><p></p><p>It does not appear she is changing. I hope she does once she sees the baby. Until then, you and your wife have every right to have a stress free, happy, healthy life in spite of your daughter's poor choices. You might want to read on detachment...the link is above. We all have trouble doing this, but to stay sane we HAVE to detach from the drama and dysfunction that is your daughter's world. You must have other loved ones and great friends who care about you and whom you can enjoy being around. You should spend your time with THEM. You also deserve to enjoy the hobbies you enjoy and the activities that you love. Your daughter should not derail that. </p><p></p><p>Our difficult child's tend to be ten years behind their age level in maturity and the only way for them to even have a chance at growing up, the adult child will need to be forced to stand on her own. difficult children tend to become very infantile, mostly around us. What good do we do them by fostering that dependence? </p><p></p><p>Have you ever gone to a Narc-Anon meeting, NAMI or your own therapist? If so, I highly recommend it. The focus for the rest of your life should be yourself first. You can do nothing for anyone if the stress kills you, ya know?</p><p></p><p>Hugs. I know this is very difficult to do, but it is a sanity-safer. Read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty. I think you should retire next year and travel with your wife and have a great time. You in my opinion should not support your daughter's family. She WILL use this baby against you. "Take care of ME or I"ll take her away." Yada yada. The difficult children share many traits.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 612360, member: 1550"] Are you in your 30's? Is your son 14? If not, you don't have to be self-sacrificing anymore. You tried and it didn't do any good. Frankly, I'd be loathe to let her lay around doing nothing, even pregnant. Pregnant women work. Is she taking good care of herself? No drinking or drugs so she doesn't harm the baby? How much do you believe her words? It does not appear she is changing. I hope she does once she sees the baby. Until then, you and your wife have every right to have a stress free, happy, healthy life in spite of your daughter's poor choices. You might want to read on detachment...the link is above. We all have trouble doing this, but to stay sane we HAVE to detach from the drama and dysfunction that is your daughter's world. You must have other loved ones and great friends who care about you and whom you can enjoy being around. You should spend your time with THEM. You also deserve to enjoy the hobbies you enjoy and the activities that you love. Your daughter should not derail that. Our difficult child's tend to be ten years behind their age level in maturity and the only way for them to even have a chance at growing up, the adult child will need to be forced to stand on her own. difficult children tend to become very infantile, mostly around us. What good do we do them by fostering that dependence? Have you ever gone to a Narc-Anon meeting, NAMI or your own therapist? If so, I highly recommend it. The focus for the rest of your life should be yourself first. You can do nothing for anyone if the stress kills you, ya know? Hugs. I know this is very difficult to do, but it is a sanity-safer. Read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty. I think you should retire next year and travel with your wife and have a great time. You in my opinion should not support your daughter's family. She WILL use this baby against you. "Take care of ME or I"ll take her away." Yada yada. The difficult children share many traits. [/QUOTE]
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