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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 612439" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>My husband took an early retirement.</p><p></p><p>It has been almost twelve years. I was like you. I thought we should keep working until the kids were okay. Now, twelve years later, the kids still are not okay, and we are beginning to age. </p><p></p><p>I feel my husband was very wise to insist that we begin the next phase of our lives, on time and as planned. </p><p></p><p>In this time, we have done amazing things. We have fallen back into the relationship that we had before we had children. We are each others "person" again ~ not the mother, not the father, but the lover, the helpmate, the heart of the thing. Though we are both very healthy, we do find ourselves slowing down, becoming more cautious, that kind of thing. It isn't that we are old, it is just that we are not as young and strong as we were those few short years ago.</p><p></p><p>Time is the one thing that can never be recovered.</p><p></p><p>I agree that it would be helpful for you and your wife to see a therapist or even, to attend Al Anon or NAMI meetings. Anything that will put you in touch with other parents who are going through this. It's too painful to do this, alone. The other thing I want to tell you is that my husband not only insisted on retiring, he insisted that we move.</p><p></p><p>Twice!</p><p></p><p>First, out of the house where we had raised the kids. Then, out of the house where both kids, at one time or another, had come home to live. Then, out of the state altogether. And do you know, we both feel a freedom, an ease and a sense of fun in the place that is far away and where our children have never been?</p><p></p><p>We don't even know how toxic our homes have become to us, to our relationship to each other, to our individual relationships to life, until we leave the area where our adult children have caused us such unremitting worry, stress, and pain.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 612439, member: 1721"] My husband took an early retirement. It has been almost twelve years. I was like you. I thought we should keep working until the kids were okay. Now, twelve years later, the kids still are not okay, and we are beginning to age. I feel my husband was very wise to insist that we begin the next phase of our lives, on time and as planned. In this time, we have done amazing things. We have fallen back into the relationship that we had before we had children. We are each others "person" again ~ not the mother, not the father, but the lover, the helpmate, the heart of the thing. Though we are both very healthy, we do find ourselves slowing down, becoming more cautious, that kind of thing. It isn't that we are old, it is just that we are not as young and strong as we were those few short years ago. Time is the one thing that can never be recovered. I agree that it would be helpful for you and your wife to see a therapist or even, to attend Al Anon or NAMI meetings. Anything that will put you in touch with other parents who are going through this. It's too painful to do this, alone. The other thing I want to tell you is that my husband not only insisted on retiring, he insisted that we move. Twice! First, out of the house where we had raised the kids. Then, out of the house where both kids, at one time or another, had come home to live. Then, out of the state altogether. And do you know, we both feel a freedom, an ease and a sense of fun in the place that is far away and where our children have never been? We don't even know how toxic our homes have become to us, to our relationship to each other, to our individual relationships to life, until we leave the area where our adult children have caused us such unremitting worry, stress, and pain. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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