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General Parenting
Been a while, need some encouragement, tips
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<blockquote data-quote="Nanaby3" data-source="post: 602445" data-attributes="member: 16658"><p>I have never replied or posted before but I would like to say that I understand what you are going through. Sadly, I couldn't get my fiancé to follow any type of structure with his son and I couldn't have the boy in my house any longer. My SS13 (step son) is exactly the same way. I locked up everything that I didn't want ruined and even had to hide my grandkids clothes and toys in my bedroom because SS13 would trash everyones stuff and his own. He physically assaulted his sister almost everyday. He would hug our 100lb dog and act like he was being nice and then the dog would yelp because the boy would pinch him on his belly or privates. I once caught him holding the dog and then kneeing him in the privates.</p><p></p><p>3 years ago, my 3 stepkids were taken from The Mom because of abuse and neglect and living with registered sex offenders. For a year, they only saw her 2 hours a week in supervised visits. She never did what the judge ordered so she never regained full custody of the kids. The only home these kids had were in my home. I have owned that home for 25 years and Dad had lived with me for 5 years before this. I did 95% of the care of raising on the step kids. I was met with much abuse from the kids and Dad didn't parent them at all. He talked to them, never gave a consequence for misbehaving. He left them to their own devices many times until the screaming became too much to ignore.So even though I too was just a step parent, I did more with the kids than Mom or Dad ever did.</p><p></p><p>I had to have him removed from my home and he went back to live with The Mom. The Dad could have moved out and got his own place with his kids, but he honestly couldn't afford to not work and provide for them. The Mom started calling the cops because of his behavior. SS was starting to hit his Grandfather and throwing rocks through windows. Now SS is legally in the state system and he did have to go to juvie for a few months, but the finally have him placed in a treatment center (well he goes in August). Our state is so screwed up or have so many kids that aren't parented, he still hasn't had an evaluation down with a psyche place.</p><p></p><p>In fact, his dad rented a nice cabin on a lake for this week to take his kids on a little vacation, something they have never really had. He wanted to go to the beach but he wanted to start with something safer because of his son's behavior. SS13 had a major meltdown out of nowhere this morning. He started throwing his clothes, fishing poles and my couch cushions over our bank onto the road. Dad had to take the boy back to The Mom, and SS took off his seatbelt and tried Occupational Therapist (OT) open the car door while it was moving. Dad said he almost had a very bad wreck trying to stop in the middle of the interstate to keep the boy in the car. Dad and his daughter ended up going on the vacation, but I know Dad will be miserable because SS is the apple of his eye.</p><p></p><p>Sorry for my personal rant there but you have gotten some good advice. If your girlfriend is not going to step up and get the boy the help he needs, then maybe it needs to be taken to a higher level with the authorities or CPS (Childrens Services). It seems that is the only way SS was able to finally get some help from someone. They all thought he could control it too.</p><p></p><p>One day this boy is going to physically harm one of his siblings or one of your own kids. If he would hurt one of your kids, you may not be able to hold yourself back. If it is serious enough, he could end up with a felony charge and not get any help thru the courts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nanaby3, post: 602445, member: 16658"] I have never replied or posted before but I would like to say that I understand what you are going through. Sadly, I couldn't get my fiancé to follow any type of structure with his son and I couldn't have the boy in my house any longer. My SS13 (step son) is exactly the same way. I locked up everything that I didn't want ruined and even had to hide my grandkids clothes and toys in my bedroom because SS13 would trash everyones stuff and his own. He physically assaulted his sister almost everyday. He would hug our 100lb dog and act like he was being nice and then the dog would yelp because the boy would pinch him on his belly or privates. I once caught him holding the dog and then kneeing him in the privates. 3 years ago, my 3 stepkids were taken from The Mom because of abuse and neglect and living with registered sex offenders. For a year, they only saw her 2 hours a week in supervised visits. She never did what the judge ordered so she never regained full custody of the kids. The only home these kids had were in my home. I have owned that home for 25 years and Dad had lived with me for 5 years before this. I did 95% of the care of raising on the step kids. I was met with much abuse from the kids and Dad didn't parent them at all. He talked to them, never gave a consequence for misbehaving. He left them to their own devices many times until the screaming became too much to ignore.So even though I too was just a step parent, I did more with the kids than Mom or Dad ever did. I had to have him removed from my home and he went back to live with The Mom. The Dad could have moved out and got his own place with his kids, but he honestly couldn't afford to not work and provide for them. The Mom started calling the cops because of his behavior. SS was starting to hit his Grandfather and throwing rocks through windows. Now SS is legally in the state system and he did have to go to juvie for a few months, but the finally have him placed in a treatment center (well he goes in August). Our state is so screwed up or have so many kids that aren't parented, he still hasn't had an evaluation down with a psyche place. In fact, his dad rented a nice cabin on a lake for this week to take his kids on a little vacation, something they have never really had. He wanted to go to the beach but he wanted to start with something safer because of his son's behavior. SS13 had a major meltdown out of nowhere this morning. He started throwing his clothes, fishing poles and my couch cushions over our bank onto the road. Dad had to take the boy back to The Mom, and SS took off his seatbelt and tried Occupational Therapist (OT) open the car door while it was moving. Dad said he almost had a very bad wreck trying to stop in the middle of the interstate to keep the boy in the car. Dad and his daughter ended up going on the vacation, but I know Dad will be miserable because SS is the apple of his eye. Sorry for my personal rant there but you have gotten some good advice. If your girlfriend is not going to step up and get the boy the help he needs, then maybe it needs to be taken to a higher level with the authorities or CPS (Childrens Services). It seems that is the only way SS was able to finally get some help from someone. They all thought he could control it too. One day this boy is going to physically harm one of his siblings or one of your own kids. If he would hurt one of your kids, you may not be able to hold yourself back. If it is serious enough, he could end up with a felony charge and not get any help thru the courts. [/QUOTE]
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