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Been awhile, but the drama continues...
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<blockquote data-quote="hexemaus2" data-source="post: 191938" data-attributes="member: 4560"><p>My first thought was that the staff was indeed bluffing, but the more I have thought on it, the less bluff I think it is. While they are a children's hospital, they aren't equipped to house a child long term. They aren't authorized to do much more than simply stabilize him (they don't have anywhere for outdoor activities, routine exercise, etc that the state would mandate for long term inpatient care.) They might be able to hold him for another week or so, but eventually they would have to bring in DFCS - if for nothing else to assume liability for his continued care and to get the state to pick up his medical bill (which grows by $1,200 per day!!)</p><p> </p><p>I've talked to him about the entire situation every day since he's been there. As always, I visit him during normal visiting hours each day, and each day we talk about why he's there and what options we have. He knows I'm "going to send him away," as he puts it. He's heartbroken and understandably frustrated that I won't just let him come back home. What he doesn't understand is that this is "my Mike" I'm talking with now - the one who is calm, lucid, and can make rational decisions. However, once he comes home, "Fluffy" (his name for his uncontrollable angry side) will take over again and Lord only knows what will happen then. "My Mike" can make all the promises in the world for when he comes home, but I know how little "control" he has over "Fluffy." He hasn't come to understand or accept the same view I have. "My Mike" doesn't want to hurt anyone and can't seem to understand why he has to "go away" somewhere. </p><p> </p><p>As for difficult child 1, she's actually doing remarkably well. She's not in public school anymore. (That was a disaster!) However, she's taking online classes through the public school as a supplement to her home school studies. She's studying web design and loving it. (Her current grade is a 92 and she's always the first one to turn in assignments.) Her attitude erupts from time to time, but nothing more than what I would consider typical teen stuff. People look at me like I have six heads when I tell them that I think being a teen mom might actually snap her into the real world. (How could I possibly think a teen pregnancy could ever be a "good" thing?) It's far from an ideal situation, and definitely NOT a path I certainly would have chosen for her. However, I've seen so many good and positive changes in her overall behavior and attitude towards everything, that I can't help but think that it may turn out to be a good thing in the long run. </p><p> </p><p>What breaks my heart is that when we found out she was pregnant, everyone (friends and family) was so supportive of her to her face, but to me they expressed concern, fear, disappointment, etc. Like it was somehow the end of the world (which it isn't - there are far, far worse things that could befall a difficult child - as we all know.) Yet just a few short months later, when my oldest found out she was pregnant (she was the .1% for whom the pill did not prevent pregnancy) everyone was so happy for her, simply because "at least she's married." Yes, she's married, but only 3 years older than difficult child 1. At only 19, she's still too young to be a Mom too. But just because she is married, everyone has a much different outlook on her. And difficult child 1 sees this. She's not stupid. She knows her grandparents treat her sister's pregnancy differently and I know it hurts her. It breaks my heart for her, but I think it's somehow stealing her nerves and helping to motivate her to prove everyone wrong - that she CAN do this, she CAN handle being a Mom at such a young age. In that regard, difficult child 1 is alot like her own Mom (me - <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />) - the more you tell her she can't do something, the more determined she becomes to not only do it, but do it better than anyone else. </p><p> </p><p>I am proud of her in that she's looking ahead to her future, making plans for navigating college and work with a baby in tow, trying to get her ducks in a row so she CAN do this. Of that, I am immensely proud. While it's still not an ideal situation, I have hope that she will be able to make the best of it and be "okay" in the long run. She'll have some scars and bruises from the journey - just like I did - but I truly think that in the long run, she and the baby will be okay. (She's having a girl, by the way - which brought peals of evil laughter out of me when the doctor said it. She'll get to go through that rechid "I hate you, Mom" phase that girls seem to experience so much more intensely than boys. My little evil side just couldn't help but giggle at the thought - that whole "I hope you have one just like you" Mother's curse and all that. Bad mom, bad, bad, mom. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" />)</p><p> </p><p>And difficult child 3, well, he's my rock as always. I joke that he's my Switzerland - always the neutral party. His hyperactivity issues are so minor compared to the issues I've had with his siblings, that it's almost like having a easy child. Unfortunately, like me he has trouble sleeping at night. Like me, he enjoys being the only one awake while the rest of the world sleeps. It's so quiet and peaceful - especially in light of difficult child 2's issues and constant outbursts. Right, wrong, or indifferent, we both enjoy the times when we are both up all night and can just sit and talk, or read, or watch a movie. I truly enjoy his company. (I can have adult-level debates with him about politics, religion, society's stupidities, or just about any subject. He really is an amazing individual and so wise beyond his years that sometimes it's staggering to realize he's only 13!!) </p><p> </p><p>I can honestly say that there have been times where he is the ONLY reason I haven't given up and just quit. I couldn't live with myself if I left him on his own. He's such a caring, gentle soul. The kind of person who would spend his entire life trying to make the world a better place somehow. HE is what reminds me that all the difficult child b.s. I go through everyday ISN'T my fault or my "bad parenting." After all, he's turning out just fine (and finally maybe difficult child 1 will too!) He is my one and only true, constant joy in life - the one I can always depend on to be the light at the end of the tunnel for me, if that makes sense. He means the world to me. Not that I love him more than the others or anything, but I am so grateful that he's such a good kid and such a joy to be around. He is my bright spot in a sea of endless black.</p><p> </p><p>He and difficult child 1 are the only fears I have in regards to getting arrested tomorrow. Before I take this last drastic step, I plan to meet with our lawyers to make sure my decision won't put them at risk. If there's even a slight chance that DFCS could remove them from my home, I'll have to back down from refusing to take difficult child 2 home. Provided DFCS won't have any legal ground to remove them, I plan to dig my heels in and refuse to take difficult child 2 - even if that means going to jail. (But I plan to make a few calls to the local news media first, before handcuffs ever touch my wrists - someone out there needs to know the drastic measures parents like us are pushed to!) </p><p> </p><p>I have to keep believing that somewhere out there are the right answers for my son. I have to keep believing that if I take drastic measures, I'll force someone's hand to help my son before it's too late. At least I'll be able to lay my head down at night and know I did absolutely everything within my power to get him the help he so desperately needs. Especially given that the hospital staff brought up the subject of Conduct Disorder in regards to difficult child 2 for the first time ever. Even having such a diagnosis mentioned as a faint possibility later down the road scared the beejeebers out of me. (He doesn't fit the criteria yet, but he's darn close, according to the hospital staff.)</p><p> </p><p>I have to admit, I'm scared poopless at what I'm about to do, but it doesn't change the resolve I feel. I know I don't have any other options. This is, for all intents and purposes, the end of the line. In terms of the options I have, it's the least of all the evils I have to chose from. At least this way, no one gets hurt. </p><p> </p><p>But what a sad state to be left with such dismal choices. It shatters my already broken heart. It brings me darn near a meltdown of my own - I almost decked the woman at juvenile court when she simply walked out of the room without a word and refused to speak to me anymore. (*How dare I invade her perfectly rational little world and all of its perfectly acceptable little answers with the reality of my son's situation!?!*) I can honestly understand now how someone could be pushed to such an extent to "go Postal," if you know what I mean. I can see how close I am to such a breaking point and THAT is truly scary! I know I would never cross that line, but the fact that I can understand how someone who maybe isn't as strong could be pushed over that line? That kind of understanding is quite frankly, frightening. If it weren't for all I stand to lose, my other kids, my home, my business? I could see myself going off on someone and socking someone right in the nose for being so blind, stupid, and uncaring about my son. THAT scares me alot more than the prospect of going to jail for abandonment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hexemaus2, post: 191938, member: 4560"] My first thought was that the staff was indeed bluffing, but the more I have thought on it, the less bluff I think it is. While they are a children's hospital, they aren't equipped to house a child long term. They aren't authorized to do much more than simply stabilize him (they don't have anywhere for outdoor activities, routine exercise, etc that the state would mandate for long term inpatient care.) They might be able to hold him for another week or so, but eventually they would have to bring in DFCS - if for nothing else to assume liability for his continued care and to get the state to pick up his medical bill (which grows by $1,200 per day!!) I've talked to him about the entire situation every day since he's been there. As always, I visit him during normal visiting hours each day, and each day we talk about why he's there and what options we have. He knows I'm "going to send him away," as he puts it. He's heartbroken and understandably frustrated that I won't just let him come back home. What he doesn't understand is that this is "my Mike" I'm talking with now - the one who is calm, lucid, and can make rational decisions. However, once he comes home, "Fluffy" (his name for his uncontrollable angry side) will take over again and Lord only knows what will happen then. "My Mike" can make all the promises in the world for when he comes home, but I know how little "control" he has over "Fluffy." He hasn't come to understand or accept the same view I have. "My Mike" doesn't want to hurt anyone and can't seem to understand why he has to "go away" somewhere. As for difficult child 1, she's actually doing remarkably well. She's not in public school anymore. (That was a disaster!) However, she's taking online classes through the public school as a supplement to her home school studies. She's studying web design and loving it. (Her current grade is a 92 and she's always the first one to turn in assignments.) Her attitude erupts from time to time, but nothing more than what I would consider typical teen stuff. People look at me like I have six heads when I tell them that I think being a teen mom might actually snap her into the real world. (How could I possibly think a teen pregnancy could ever be a "good" thing?) It's far from an ideal situation, and definitely NOT a path I certainly would have chosen for her. However, I've seen so many good and positive changes in her overall behavior and attitude towards everything, that I can't help but think that it may turn out to be a good thing in the long run. What breaks my heart is that when we found out she was pregnant, everyone (friends and family) was so supportive of her to her face, but to me they expressed concern, fear, disappointment, etc. Like it was somehow the end of the world (which it isn't - there are far, far worse things that could befall a difficult child - as we all know.) Yet just a few short months later, when my oldest found out she was pregnant (she was the .1% for whom the pill did not prevent pregnancy) everyone was so happy for her, simply because "at least she's married." Yes, she's married, but only 3 years older than difficult child 1. At only 19, she's still too young to be a Mom too. But just because she is married, everyone has a much different outlook on her. And difficult child 1 sees this. She's not stupid. She knows her grandparents treat her sister's pregnancy differently and I know it hurts her. It breaks my heart for her, but I think it's somehow stealing her nerves and helping to motivate her to prove everyone wrong - that she CAN do this, she CAN handle being a Mom at such a young age. In that regard, difficult child 1 is alot like her own Mom (me - :winking:) - the more you tell her she can't do something, the more determined she becomes to not only do it, but do it better than anyone else. I am proud of her in that she's looking ahead to her future, making plans for navigating college and work with a baby in tow, trying to get her ducks in a row so she CAN do this. Of that, I am immensely proud. While it's still not an ideal situation, I have hope that she will be able to make the best of it and be "okay" in the long run. She'll have some scars and bruises from the journey - just like I did - but I truly think that in the long run, she and the baby will be okay. (She's having a girl, by the way - which brought peals of evil laughter out of me when the doctor said it. She'll get to go through that rechid "I hate you, Mom" phase that girls seem to experience so much more intensely than boys. My little evil side just couldn't help but giggle at the thought - that whole "I hope you have one just like you" Mother's curse and all that. Bad mom, bad, bad, mom. :raspberry-tounge:) And difficult child 3, well, he's my rock as always. I joke that he's my Switzerland - always the neutral party. His hyperactivity issues are so minor compared to the issues I've had with his siblings, that it's almost like having a easy child. Unfortunately, like me he has trouble sleeping at night. Like me, he enjoys being the only one awake while the rest of the world sleeps. It's so quiet and peaceful - especially in light of difficult child 2's issues and constant outbursts. Right, wrong, or indifferent, we both enjoy the times when we are both up all night and can just sit and talk, or read, or watch a movie. I truly enjoy his company. (I can have adult-level debates with him about politics, religion, society's stupidities, or just about any subject. He really is an amazing individual and so wise beyond his years that sometimes it's staggering to realize he's only 13!!) I can honestly say that there have been times where he is the ONLY reason I haven't given up and just quit. I couldn't live with myself if I left him on his own. He's such a caring, gentle soul. The kind of person who would spend his entire life trying to make the world a better place somehow. HE is what reminds me that all the difficult child b.s. I go through everyday ISN'T my fault or my "bad parenting." After all, he's turning out just fine (and finally maybe difficult child 1 will too!) He is my one and only true, constant joy in life - the one I can always depend on to be the light at the end of the tunnel for me, if that makes sense. He means the world to me. Not that I love him more than the others or anything, but I am so grateful that he's such a good kid and such a joy to be around. He is my bright spot in a sea of endless black. He and difficult child 1 are the only fears I have in regards to getting arrested tomorrow. Before I take this last drastic step, I plan to meet with our lawyers to make sure my decision won't put them at risk. If there's even a slight chance that DFCS could remove them from my home, I'll have to back down from refusing to take difficult child 2 home. Provided DFCS won't have any legal ground to remove them, I plan to dig my heels in and refuse to take difficult child 2 - even if that means going to jail. (But I plan to make a few calls to the local news media first, before handcuffs ever touch my wrists - someone out there needs to know the drastic measures parents like us are pushed to!) I have to keep believing that somewhere out there are the right answers for my son. I have to keep believing that if I take drastic measures, I'll force someone's hand to help my son before it's too late. At least I'll be able to lay my head down at night and know I did absolutely everything within my power to get him the help he so desperately needs. Especially given that the hospital staff brought up the subject of Conduct Disorder in regards to difficult child 2 for the first time ever. Even having such a diagnosis mentioned as a faint possibility later down the road scared the beejeebers out of me. (He doesn't fit the criteria yet, but he's darn close, according to the hospital staff.) I have to admit, I'm scared poopless at what I'm about to do, but it doesn't change the resolve I feel. I know I don't have any other options. This is, for all intents and purposes, the end of the line. In terms of the options I have, it's the least of all the evils I have to chose from. At least this way, no one gets hurt. But what a sad state to be left with such dismal choices. It shatters my already broken heart. It brings me darn near a meltdown of my own - I almost decked the woman at juvenile court when she simply walked out of the room without a word and refused to speak to me anymore. (*How dare I invade her perfectly rational little world and all of its perfectly acceptable little answers with the reality of my son's situation!?!*) I can honestly understand now how someone could be pushed to such an extent to "go Postal," if you know what I mean. I can see how close I am to such a breaking point and THAT is truly scary! I know I would never cross that line, but the fact that I can understand how someone who maybe isn't as strong could be pushed over that line? That kind of understanding is quite frankly, frightening. If it weren't for all I stand to lose, my other kids, my home, my business? I could see myself going off on someone and socking someone right in the nose for being so blind, stupid, and uncaring about my son. THAT scares me alot more than the prospect of going to jail for abandonment. [/QUOTE]
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