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Parent Emeritus
Been here before. Looking for some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 739756" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>I agree with toughlovin - kicking out is something we do as a last resort when necessary for the safety and sanity of others in the family, or when the problem is more lack of motivation to leave the nest rather than true inability.</p><p></p><p>I think ahjeez and Ksm have some good advice on going slow, too. Maybe she does need to take a step back and reassess if she’s not ready for this yet. Volunteering could be a great place to start. I love ksm,s suggestion of the animal shelter. I know I always have found animals easier to connect to than most people. And she could connect with other people there in a safe low key environment. Or maybe there are other interests she has that would suggest volunteer opportunities.</p><p></p><p>I hope you’re able to get her to a full assessment. If she is diagnosed with high level Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), it may be a relief to her. It was a relief to me too know that I felt different because I AM a little different - but it doesn’t mean I’m broken. There are aspie communities out there. If you suspect this may be her eventual diagnosis, you might point her to the website Wrong Planet and see if anything there resonates for her. It can be tremendously freeing to know that there are others who experience the world the same way.</p><p></p><p>What ahjeez says about the stress of something as simple as ordering from subway is absolutely true. I was fortunate enough early in my career, before I was ever diagnosed, to have a wonderful boss and mentor who recognized that I was floundering on the people side of work even though my performance on task was great. He literally taught me how to shake someone’s hand, how to maintain eye contact in a conversation, how to approach someone with a question, how and when to talk during a meeting. He even taught me how to navigate corporate cocktail parties. I needed explicit direction in these things, and he was kind and intuitive enough to see that. It changed my life. Perhaps your daughter needs this kind of mentoring, too. </p><p></p><p>And if it’s not Asperger’s/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), other types of anxiety can be just as crippling. But I think the answer is the same -baby steps forward, don’t let her retreat but make sure she’s got support while she builds her skills, comfort level and confidence.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 739756, member: 23349"] I agree with toughlovin - kicking out is something we do as a last resort when necessary for the safety and sanity of others in the family, or when the problem is more lack of motivation to leave the nest rather than true inability. I think ahjeez and Ksm have some good advice on going slow, too. Maybe she does need to take a step back and reassess if she’s not ready for this yet. Volunteering could be a great place to start. I love ksm,s suggestion of the animal shelter. I know I always have found animals easier to connect to than most people. And she could connect with other people there in a safe low key environment. Or maybe there are other interests she has that would suggest volunteer opportunities. I hope you’re able to get her to a full assessment. If she is diagnosed with high level Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), it may be a relief to her. It was a relief to me too know that I felt different because I AM a little different - but it doesn’t mean I’m broken. There are aspie communities out there. If you suspect this may be her eventual diagnosis, you might point her to the website Wrong Planet and see if anything there resonates for her. It can be tremendously freeing to know that there are others who experience the world the same way. What ahjeez says about the stress of something as simple as ordering from subway is absolutely true. I was fortunate enough early in my career, before I was ever diagnosed, to have a wonderful boss and mentor who recognized that I was floundering on the people side of work even though my performance on task was great. He literally taught me how to shake someone’s hand, how to maintain eye contact in a conversation, how to approach someone with a question, how and when to talk during a meeting. He even taught me how to navigate corporate cocktail parties. I needed explicit direction in these things, and he was kind and intuitive enough to see that. It changed my life. Perhaps your daughter needs this kind of mentoring, too. And if it’s not Asperger’s/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), other types of anxiety can be just as crippling. But I think the answer is the same -baby steps forward, don’t let her retreat but make sure she’s got support while she builds her skills, comfort level and confidence. [/QUOTE]
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