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Parent Emeritus
Been here before. Looking for some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 740909" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>She knows how to do laundry. At the very least she can do her clothes in cold water and throw in detergent and take them out without folding them. Not a skill she has to learn....my kids all could do this by 12. </p><p></p><p>To me your daughter has a princess complex. It is one thing to truly be frightened to leave the house. But she isnt afraid to do the laundry. She just insists you do it so you do.</p><p></p><p>If you demand nothing of her yet buy her toys, as if she were young, she will stay a child. She does not have the normal drive most 19 year olds have to become independent. Part of it could be autism or mental illness, but as stated before my autistic son has always done what my other kids did and he is independent snd out of the house now. And he darn sure has to do his own laundry, cook, and clean and work. We tried not to treat him like he was any different from our other kids. It helped!</p><p></p><p>It is hard to stop parenting but in my opinion by tje 20s we have transitioned from Mommy to Mother, a friend with some advice when asked and love always. You can love her without doing things for her that she can do for herself. Or buying her things. If she refuses to get help but you still clean up for her and make sure her environment is nice and even buy her expensive toys, why should she do the very hard task of helping herself? It is easier for her not to.</p><p></p><p>But you will die some day. Then who will care for her this way?</p><p></p><p>Nobody.</p><p></p><p>You can see what happens if you go on strike.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter needs help but the way you do it now doesnt motivate her.</p><p></p><p>Nothing changes if nothing changes. You may have to keep switching things up for her sake and yours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 740909, member: 1550"] She knows how to do laundry. At the very least she can do her clothes in cold water and throw in detergent and take them out without folding them. Not a skill she has to learn....my kids all could do this by 12. To me your daughter has a princess complex. It is one thing to truly be frightened to leave the house. But she isnt afraid to do the laundry. She just insists you do it so you do. If you demand nothing of her yet buy her toys, as if she were young, she will stay a child. She does not have the normal drive most 19 year olds have to become independent. Part of it could be autism or mental illness, but as stated before my autistic son has always done what my other kids did and he is independent snd out of the house now. And he darn sure has to do his own laundry, cook, and clean and work. We tried not to treat him like he was any different from our other kids. It helped! It is hard to stop parenting but in my opinion by tje 20s we have transitioned from Mommy to Mother, a friend with some advice when asked and love always. You can love her without doing things for her that she can do for herself. Or buying her things. If she refuses to get help but you still clean up for her and make sure her environment is nice and even buy her expensive toys, why should she do the very hard task of helping herself? It is easier for her not to. But you will die some day. Then who will care for her this way? Nobody. You can see what happens if you go on strike. Your daughter needs help but the way you do it now doesnt motivate her. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You may have to keep switching things up for her sake and yours. [/QUOTE]
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