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Substance Abuse
Beginning of the end?
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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 127981" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>I so agree with MeowBunny!!!! It is beyond time to give it up! As she said, you are not allowed to parent McWeedy so stop trying already!</p><p></p><p>My husband also set a bad precedent with his 1st wife--she got to vent and scream and use him as her punching bag and he tried to do everything to please her. Guess what? Impossible. One night, out of the blue, she told him she couldn't be his wife anymore and that was the end of the marriage. She has since remarried--a guy who doesn't let her dominate him. I think you are doing everything you can to hang on to wife--we women really don't like men who let us push them around too much. Your wife gets mad at son and decides to get tough. You try to act on it but she changes her mind and who is she mad at now? You! You try to step aside and let her handle things and that makes her mad, you aren't being supportive. You cannot win! You cannot control wife and you cannot save your marriage by constantly trying to figure out what she wants you to do because she changes her mind all the time. She really needs you to set boundaries and be strong. You need to decide what you need to do and stick to it and be a stable, strong presence in that household--someone people can rely on to stand strong no matter what happens and no matter how angry they may feel. You are so afraid of losing wife that you will do anything to prevent it but I think if you can decide you will do what you feel is right regardless of whether you lose her or not you have a better chance of keeping her! She needs to be able to feel respect for you--she can't do that if you are afraid of making her upset or angry. </p><p></p><p>I hope I made some sense--I know what I am trying to say but have a hard time expressing it. I so strongly feel that if you can truly step back and just be there--not trying to catch McWeedy doing the wrong thing, not waiting up for him, being patient, waiting for the natural consequences to happen, and above all, let wife handle him the way she wants to without stepping in the middle, you will be at least a little better off!</p><p></p><p>Thinking of you,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 127981, member: 3208"] I so agree with MeowBunny!!!! It is beyond time to give it up! As she said, you are not allowed to parent McWeedy so stop trying already! My husband also set a bad precedent with his 1st wife--she got to vent and scream and use him as her punching bag and he tried to do everything to please her. Guess what? Impossible. One night, out of the blue, she told him she couldn't be his wife anymore and that was the end of the marriage. She has since remarried--a guy who doesn't let her dominate him. I think you are doing everything you can to hang on to wife--we women really don't like men who let us push them around too much. Your wife gets mad at son and decides to get tough. You try to act on it but she changes her mind and who is she mad at now? You! You try to step aside and let her handle things and that makes her mad, you aren't being supportive. You cannot win! You cannot control wife and you cannot save your marriage by constantly trying to figure out what she wants you to do because she changes her mind all the time. She really needs you to set boundaries and be strong. You need to decide what you need to do and stick to it and be a stable, strong presence in that household--someone people can rely on to stand strong no matter what happens and no matter how angry they may feel. You are so afraid of losing wife that you will do anything to prevent it but I think if you can decide you will do what you feel is right regardless of whether you lose her or not you have a better chance of keeping her! She needs to be able to feel respect for you--she can't do that if you are afraid of making her upset or angry. I hope I made some sense--I know what I am trying to say but have a hard time expressing it. I so strongly feel that if you can truly step back and just be there--not trying to catch McWeedy doing the wrong thing, not waiting up for him, being patient, waiting for the natural consequences to happen, and above all, let wife handle him the way she wants to without stepping in the middle, you will be at least a little better off! Thinking of you, Jane [/QUOTE]
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