Behavior while shopping- A vent and suggestions welcomed!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by thatboyofmine, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. thatboyofmine

    thatboyofmine New Member

    Just here to vent about our trip to the grocery store this evening. It began by me parking next to one of those big oversized carts in the parking lot and my son saw it and wanted to sit in it I said ok but you will need to wear the safety straps. He said " I am not a baby" and come to find out the straps were broken so he had to just sit. Usually I let him walk holding on to the cart and if he lets go he has to sit in the back of the cart, he is 4. So halfway through the store he realizes he can stand and I ignored it but then he started getting down and looking at things and coming back on. He said he was a trash man and it was kind of cute so I let it go. But as usual if I give him an inch he take many miles! He got down and got candy I said no, put that back. He stood there and said " say put them back please, sir", at the top of his lungs! I felt like the entire store froze and everyone was watching me for my reply as was my son. I just stood there and calmly said "put them back" and he did and then he ran to the check out where I was headed to and started pointing to candy saying "junk, junk, junk, this is healthy, right mommy",I replied with no it is candy, it was a reese bar. So I was trying to get all the groceries put on the belt and he put the candy carefully on the belt thinking I did not see him. I waited until I had all my groceries unloaded and took the candy and put it back on the shelf. He really did not complain because he looked over and said "water fountain" I said that is a good idea, why dont you go get a drink of water. By the time he got to the water fountain he saw this stack of cases if water bottles and started tugging on them. They were about 10 high and almost gave me a heartattack because he could really have gotten hurt. So as the cashier told me the total I had to go save his life which of course he did not see it as such and got mad and cried. I held his hand walked him to the register and then started heading to the car. He starts crying I have to go potty right now, I cant wait. I did not stop and went striaght to the car. We had been to the bathroom less than an hour ago and I knew it was all a ploy. Soooooo, once strapped in and groceries loaded I just sat there for a few minutes and went over the events calmly. All he said was, I am sorry mommy, can I still watch Kipper? I said no and he screamed and pounded the door the whole way home.
    Once home, I gave him a bath and read to him. I laid with him and rubbed his back for about 15 minutes and he fell asleep. It was all so crazy and I laid there looking at him, loving him so much and wishing I could come up with better ways to handle him when he gets in these zones. (for lack of a better word) He can be sweet for days and then we will have something like this. I could tell when I picked him up that he was off a bit and I even decided to stop and get dinner first because I was thinking that maybe he was hungry and he would feel better if he ate, apparently it was not the hunger that was bothering him.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    That bouncing from thing to thing to thing and thought to thought to thought sounds a lot like my difficult child 1 without his medications. Sorry it was so embarrassing for you.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You'll learn to trust your mommy gut.
    We had to learn that evenings were IN. As in - NEVER did we do ANYTHING after supper. It just didn't work. Still doesn't. We plan our lives ahead of time to avoid needing to go shopping at times when difficult child is likely to be overloaded. Hungry is one factor, but not the most major one. Tired is a factor - but the biggest is "overload". difficult child could handle an early supper and a bit of shopping... on a non-school day, when there was less overload. On a school day? Forget shopping anytime after school. There was no way he could handle it.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I never took my son shopping. I was afraid he's run away and hide (he liked to do that) and I'd have to call his name and look for him, while frantic shoppers helped me. I didn't care when I had to go shopping, even if it was much later than I liked w hen he was asleep and husband was home. I just didn't bring him.
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Mine were a pain in the store for a long oldest considered himself "Mr. Brilliant", so what I did was get one of those clipboards at the dollar store, wrote a "pseudo list" on the first couple of pages and gave him a washable marker. While I shopped, he'd walk along and "check mark" each thing on his "list." He was so busy doing that, he didn't think about messing around.

    Maybe "busy work" while he still feels like he's helping might work? Just a thought!
  6. thatboyofmine

    thatboyofmine New Member

    Thanks Beth, that is a great idea! A lot of times it is just that he has his own agenda so why not give him a list even if it takes some time to prepare pictures for him at least he would be busy and occupied. Also, after thinking it over I agree also with an earlier post that suggested down time during the week after daycare. When we come straight home and he has his safe and quiet environment he is fine. We will save shopping for weekday mornings going forward. : )
  7. MeginOz

    MeginOz New Member

    I can't offer any advice, but would like to congratulate you on staying calm (if only on the outside). Sounds like you handled the situation well - despite the fact that you probably wished there wasn't a situation to handle in the first place! Kudos to you. Only parents of kids like ours can appreciate how hard it is to stay calm and in control, most would take it for granted.
  8. Angela41

    Angela41 New Member

    My son was a holy terror in the grocery store between ages 4 and 5. The suggestions to be careful of the timing and give them something to do, were magic for us. My five year old counts, weighs, and puts the produce in the cart, tells me how much the items cost, and puts 1/2 of the groceries on the conveyor belt (which keeps him under control at the checkout). By the way, the grocery store is an excellent classroom;)
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I loved taking my kids to the grocery store! It was our conversational time and as Angela41 stated, a great classroom. I talked to them about everything involved in shopping and had them help look for items. "look at all the different types of bread! I think we will get plain bread today. That is in a different aisle.". "What kind of spaghetti sauce should we get? Hmmm, this one is cheaper (after saying prices of both) so I think we will try it.". "How old is the milk? Let's look at the expiration date. (show where the date is)I think we can drink it all before that date.". "These two cereals are about the same cost, which one would you like us to get?". "Look at the yummy fruit! What color apples do you like? What color are the bananas?". "We need to weigh the bananas to see how much they cost. Can you put them on the scale? You need to be gentle and then wait for the scale to stop. (show him how you read the scale).". "I think we can use four apples at home. They go in a bag. Can you help me count them and put them in the bag?"

    Leif you use coupons, hand him one when you are in the aisle and ask him to help find the item. If he chooses the wrong brand, "that is ketchup, however, the coupon says we have to get Hunt's. See on the picture the design? Can you help me find that one?"

    The grocery store has more opportunities to practice math skills, color recognition, and differences in sizes then any other place. When he is old enough to go ahead and get an item, he will do so with confidence knowing what to look for. He will know if you always stick to a certain brand or if you look for the lowest cost. He doesn't need to know how to read to learn where to find the bar code or expiration date. (match the bar code with the sales information if not sure you have the right one). You can work with letters by choosing one letter to search for. "Can you find the H on this item? (have him look for letters that start the word).

    Many times the best way to reign them back in is to point out something and engage in a different activity. "stay away from there" is harder for a child to follow then, "come look! These apples look so yummy, can you pick out two?". Or "count how many boxes we are putting on the conveyer belt."

    Keep everything light and fun. Don't be upset if he doesn't count correctly or can't find a letter. The purpose is to keep him focused on what you are doing which will keep him safe by your side. I would even hand him the money to hold once you get to the check out and he has helped unload the cart and let him give it to the cashier. "Can you pay? You need to stand here until the cashier asks for the $$$$.". That might keep him from wondering.

    And a big thank you when all is done. Let him know you enjoyed his help shopping and hope he had fun also.
  10. edwardcollin742

    edwardcollin742 New Member

    My little boy is stubborn. when i go for shopping with him then he always demand for the things. I tried to make him understand but still he is the same guy.
  11. I did everything I could to avoid shopping with difficult child when he was younger. I don't have any great suggestions except for avoidance sorry. My difficult child is still demanding but his public outbursts over unmet shopping demands did get better as he matured.