Cedar, when your mother would say, "don't think, Cedar" I think she was envious.
Because of something that was all about her, and not you, she put you down by use of her tone of voice, how she looked, and punishing tone.
For you to think powerfully as you must have done as soon as you were walking and talking...was too much for her. She on purpose tried to make you think you were too big for your britches....to feel foolish and beyond your capacities. And she succeeded, for a time.
Which was exactly the opposite of what she felt. Because she felt you to be a threat.
Cedar, she felt threatened. There is no other explanation. You were too powerful for her to tolerate. So she cut you down to size. Smaller than her.
Had you not been too smart, she would of, could have tolerated it.
You must have been wordsmithing, weaving beautifully filagreed sentences at 3 or 4 or 5 years old, as you do now for us, almost 60 years later. She could not stand your sterling brilliance or eloquence or creativity.
Though loved by you, a hateful woman to silence you by shaming.
To serve herself. The worst parts of her. Envy of her own child who she needed to make small, to be herself, bigger. Than her beautiful baby girl.
COPA
