How many of us tried to change for FOO?
I did, but wasn't good at being someone else so got scapegoated anyway.
Many times her smirk let me know id never measure up.
She never did resolve her issue with her own mother. Im glad I get it...it was her, not me. Maybe in the afterlife, she finally gets the wrong of it.
I think this happens with most children. Where each of us is molded to reflect as best as can what is valued in her family and time and place. Childhood has a kind of brutality.I believe is that each of the children was scooped out in a way, and reformed in the image of the thing my mother needed to see reflected back to her.
This is so.It has to do with how a child would have been raised, by a mother who felt in such a way that her children are uncomfortable with her to that degree, as adults.
Yes. Those are the hardest to bear, when one's mother decides to go to war with a daughter who may look almost exactly like her, with her voice, who loved her with all of her heart.The other wounds, the wounds surrounding the births of my children, those happened from one adult woman to another.
Cedar, I had thought we had never met before. You know me so well, we must have--at some time and place so magical that I must store it away protected from all that might degrade it.Hypervigilence, an empathy so intense it's spooky rather than an awareness of our own feelings, a belief that we don't think or talk or reason well, a perfect inability to trust.
Limiting beliefs regarding our current abilities and potential.
That is the killing thing.
This is the hard part, Copa. I know women older than us who will NEVER get over it. But the fault is never a babies or a childs. I understand that now.The catch is we have to see what they did to us and accept the stink of it before we can put it away.
I would begin, work 2 minutes and be unable to sustain it. If working with M, I could not bear his impatience and orders. So not a thing got done.in our ability to be tumbled into our work, into the moment in front of us, body and heart and soul.
Which I am doing now. As I do so I review the long time of my grief and isolation, how I coped by buying this and that, anticipating my future, which I now fear putting into place.Whatever the work is, our attitudes toward it, our decisions to engage fully, matter very much to our healing. We use our work to stand before the invisible place, very present.
Yes. Written this way I see how my profession helped to reconstruct essential parts of me. The need to attend others was natural to me. But unbeknownst to me, the concentration and open heart with which I did so put into practice an incipient knowing and care for myself, as well.Negativity at the heart of us regarding our work and its value was a paramount thing preventing concentration.
Except for a brief period, I was an indifferent and largely half-hearted worker until I went back to graduate school. With this my attitude and value put into my work became driven and heartfelt. I brought this to my profession and never wavered in this. My sense of myself became one of self-respect.Talent or education decide the kind of work, but not the attitude toward our work or the ultimate value in it.
I am thinking and thinking and thinking about this.How many of us tried to change for FOO?
Yes, I have witnessed this with her.There are people that need to be dominant and do so by destroying achieving what they want, and feel they need at all costs.
I am trying to figure it out too.I for the life of me, cannot figure out why my whole family was under the spell of my sister.