I am thinking and thinking and thinking about this.
I for the life of me, cannot figure out why my whole family was under the spell of my sister.
Were they really, or is that my perception of it?
But, it seems so.
This is my song for her at this point
[MEDIA=youtube]zXlW4FGc8A0[/MEDIA]
As a child,
growing up
under her shadow,
I was half a person.
And still,
I feel guilty
and ashamed
for writing this.
She slowly, insidiously,
purposefully,
killed me.
To the point where
I did not want to be home anymore.
She was the beautiful one,
the popular one,
and I
too sensitive,
too strange.
It was not my parents doing,
but they did not stop it.
Could they have stopped it?
Was she so clever that they did not see?
Am I imagining all of this?
Were all siblings this way?
All I ever wanted, was to be her friend.
We became "friends" later on in life.
Then I realized,
as long as things went her way,
it would go smoothly.
The minute I had a different opinion
or showed my true feelings
my true self
it went wrong.
It is so strange, I still love her.
Still hold a place in my heart for her.
I know better now, then to open up to her.
I am becoming whole
but she will only get half,
because I cannot trust her
with all of me.
leafy
