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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 671977" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>But Cedar, look at how I loved my Mother, and the feeling of it almost killed me, after she died. </p><p></p><p>Words are cheap, especially the way we delude ourselves with them. That he can say whatever in the world he wants to himself and to you means nothing at all except the hurt of it and the self-delusion, and you have control over the former, how much it hurts you. By facing it. And you are.</p><p></p><p>You or I cannot control how our children live their lives <em>except with respect to how we permit their hurting us.</em></p><p>I hope for him he does not live by his idiocy for the rest of your lives. </p><p></p><p>But what can you do? Except live well yourselves. And you are.</p><p></p><p>I agree with D H. To be shamed by it is a bit like being shamed by how my sister treats me and M. </p><p></p><p>My mother was not shamed. But she at times was mad and sad.</p><p>Except in its effects. </p><p></p><p>Your son is a tough case. Let him be. </p><p></p><p>It would be a brave, brave thing to decide to tell my son I have changed my mind about Thanksgiving. But a true thing. It would be telling him the truth about our relationship right now for me.</p><p></p><p>Seeing it as a question of honor and respect, I see it must be done. Seeing it as an issue of choosing myself over him, is harder. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 671977, member: 18958"] But Cedar, look at how I loved my Mother, and the feeling of it almost killed me, after she died. Words are cheap, especially the way we delude ourselves with them. That he can say whatever in the world he wants to himself and to you means nothing at all except the hurt of it and the self-delusion, and you have control over the former, how much it hurts you. By facing it. And you are. You or I cannot control how our children live their lives [I]except with respect to how we permit their hurting us.[/I] I hope for him he does not live by his idiocy for the rest of your lives. But what can you do? Except live well yourselves. And you are. I agree with D H. To be shamed by it is a bit like being shamed by how my sister treats me and M. My mother was not shamed. But she at times was mad and sad. Except in its effects. Your son is a tough case. Let him be. It would be a brave, brave thing to decide to tell my son I have changed my mind about Thanksgiving. But a true thing. It would be telling him the truth about our relationship right now for me. Seeing it as a question of honor and respect, I see it must be done. Seeing it as an issue of choosing myself over him, is harder. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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