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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 672339" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>But I want more.</p><p></p><p>I want a son, that exact son that is mine to love me and honor and respect and enjoy and laugh with and hug me and buy me pretty things like he used to.</p><p></p><p>And tell me the funniest jokes, even if they were off color.</p><p></p><p>That is what I want. So, in our new way of seeing things, that is who I must be, for my son. That is the way of this thing, the lesson in it, somehow. Not to blame him for who he is not. Which I do, forever, in my secret heart because that is the nature of the wound, for me. </p><p></p><p>That is the nature of the wound, for me.</p><p></p><p>That is where the healing needs to happen, then.</p><p></p><p>Nothing to do with my son.</p><p></p><p>Huh.</p><p></p><p>Not in arrogance, but in something else that I do not know the name of. But while I don't know the name of that thing, I do know that I do arrogance.</p><p></p><p>Blazing arrogance.</p><p></p><p>Which is a defense mechanism, of course.</p><p></p><p>Drat.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>But you know what everyone, <em>I am really so mad about what Son has done to himself and to me. All those horrible things that happened. Those sad, lonely times when I missed him so much.... Plus I do not get to show off or be perfect mom and roar I just hate that. In fact, I feel like a really messed up mom.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Like, Cross eyed with Anger mom.</em></p><p></p><p>I don't know why everything has to be so complex.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 672339, member: 17461"] Yes. But I want more. I want a son, that exact son that is mine to love me and honor and respect and enjoy and laugh with and hug me and buy me pretty things like he used to. And tell me the funniest jokes, even if they were off color. That is what I want. So, in our new way of seeing things, that is who I must be, for my son. That is the way of this thing, the lesson in it, somehow. Not to blame him for who he is not. Which I do, forever, in my secret heart because that is the nature of the wound, for me. That is the nature of the wound, for me. That is where the healing needs to happen, then. Nothing to do with my son. Huh. Not in arrogance, but in something else that I do not know the name of. But while I don't know the name of that thing, I do know that I do arrogance. Blazing arrogance. Which is a defense mechanism, of course. Drat. *** But you know what everyone, [I]I am really so mad about what Son has done to himself and to me. All those horrible things that happened. Those sad, lonely times when I missed him so much.... Plus I do not get to show off or be perfect mom and roar I just hate that. In fact, I feel like a really messed up mom.[/I] [I]Like, Cross eyed with Anger mom.[/I] I don't know why everything has to be so complex. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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