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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 672465" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not know what thread to put this on so I will put it here. I have gotten such a mastery on things, I think, I do not feel I need a new thread, every time my son calls me.</p><p></p><p>He called. I knew it would be him. He has not called in a week or more.</p><p></p><p>It is almost automatic that I ask, how are you? For a time, I had stopped myself. That was when I was only saying, Hi and Bye and maybe one or two words more.</p><p></p><p>But today, still feeling in a lot of pain, I asked how he was.</p><p></p><p>About the same, he said, and continued for a little bit, in a woe is me voice. And then he mentioned the Paris attacks which would fit into his conspiracy theories. I did not take the bait.</p><p></p><p>He got around to ask: How are things with you guys?</p><p></p><p>I explained that the last few days I have had back pain but am feeling a little better, thank you for asking.</p><p></p><p>So he started in with his parent of an errant child voice, disciplining me for how I never listen to him. His counsel on protecting my health and how for the past 2 years all I have done is complain to him about my health (not true.)</p><p></p><p>I was really hurting, standing there in the kitchen. Listen, I said. Don't you start on me about complaining and not doing anything to help myself. Every call from you I have to listen to your complaints about your life, and how there is nothing you will or can do. Every thing I say you negate.</p><p></p><p>He responded: This has nothing to do with me. If I was in medical school and married with two children I would be saying the same thing to you.</p><p></p><p>Well, when you are married with 2 children and in medical school come back and tell me how I do not do anything to help myself, but right now, I do not want to hear it.</p><p></p><p>I need to hang up. I am really in pain.</p><p></p><p>Him: You're going to hang up on me?</p><p></p><p>No. I am saying goodbye. That is not hanging up on you. It is telling the truth. That I have to go because I am in pain. Goodbye.</p><p></p><p>I feel bad. I do not want be difficult or rejecting. I am his mother. But I do not want to hear how I am remiss, after all I have endured from him. There needs to be more equality here.</p><p></p><p>But the bottom line is I do not feel good.</p><p></p><p>I do not like the rules: He gets to complain. On end. Without doing anything. I have to listen. Without comment.</p><p></p><p>I tell the truth about a temporary state of affairs (hopefully). He reprimands me for not listening to him about how to take care of myself.</p><p></p><p>In what part of this am I wrong? Or right?</p><p></p><p>Thank you,</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 672465, member: 18958"] I do not know what thread to put this on so I will put it here. I have gotten such a mastery on things, I think, I do not feel I need a new thread, every time my son calls me. He called. I knew it would be him. He has not called in a week or more. It is almost automatic that I ask, how are you? For a time, I had stopped myself. That was when I was only saying, Hi and Bye and maybe one or two words more. But today, still feeling in a lot of pain, I asked how he was. About the same, he said, and continued for a little bit, in a woe is me voice. And then he mentioned the Paris attacks which would fit into his conspiracy theories. I did not take the bait. He got around to ask: How are things with you guys? I explained that the last few days I have had back pain but am feeling a little better, thank you for asking. So he started in with his parent of an errant child voice, disciplining me for how I never listen to him. His counsel on protecting my health and how for the past 2 years all I have done is complain to him about my health (not true.) I was really hurting, standing there in the kitchen. Listen, I said. Don't you start on me about complaining and not doing anything to help myself. Every call from you I have to listen to your complaints about your life, and how there is nothing you will or can do. Every thing I say you negate. He responded: This has nothing to do with me. If I was in medical school and married with two children I would be saying the same thing to you. Well, when you are married with 2 children and in medical school come back and tell me how I do not do anything to help myself, but right now, I do not want to hear it. I need to hang up. I am really in pain. Him: You're going to hang up on me? No. I am saying goodbye. That is not hanging up on you. It is telling the truth. That I have to go because I am in pain. Goodbye. I feel bad. I do not want be difficult or rejecting. I am his mother. But I do not want to hear how I am remiss, after all I have endured from him. There needs to be more equality here. But the bottom line is I do not feel good. I do not like the rules: He gets to complain. On end. Without doing anything. I have to listen. Without comment. I tell the truth about a temporary state of affairs (hopefully). He reprimands me for not listening to him about how to take care of myself. In what part of this am I wrong? Or right? Thank you, COPA [/QUOTE]
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