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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 672479" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is exactly so Cedar. When I could no longer even talk to my mother for years and years was when she took our inheritance, calling it hers.</p><p></p><p>It was not the money. It would be accepting that I was how she defined me. As somebody who had to endure whatever she wanted to do to me or with me.</p><p></p><p>And this must be why I am outraged when M treats me badly. I scream to say, no more. I will never again submit.</p><p>I do not have the confidence you do, Cedar, that I risked this. I hope so. Maybe someday I will go back and read the threads.</p><p>I think this is so, Cedar. I was never afraid of M. What I mean is that I was never afraid of myself with him. I was well held and well in check. So I was never afraid of what I would become that would make him leave me.</p><p>Yes. I think my work helped me along, too. I loved a lot in my work. And was loved back.</p><p>Yes.</p><p>Yes. This is what happened. Exactly this.</p><p>I think that for me it was I could love my son...and he thrived...and loved me back. I think they call that a virtuous circle. It was safe to love him. I was safe. I made him OK. And then it didn't work anymore.</p><p>Yes. Yuck. She really is my step-father. Yucky. Creepy determination, that has lasted decades and decades. Now I am questioning why I even emailed her. I hope it was to show mastery.</p><p>This was what my mother always said. She said my sister always felt inferior, that I had more (of everything except money and meanness, too), was stronger and had the better life.</p><p></p><p>Which is so weird because I was always vulnerable and Cinderella, and marginalized.</p><p>It is pretty wonderful. Except now we have to figure out how to do it without them. And accept them as they are, or want or choose to be.</p><p>He does Cedar. He loves you more than he can bear or can even know. I feel for him. I hope he can come to grips with his great love while you still live. If not, give him my phone number and I will help him through.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 672479, member: 18958"] This is exactly so Cedar. When I could no longer even talk to my mother for years and years was when she took our inheritance, calling it hers. It was not the money. It would be accepting that I was how she defined me. As somebody who had to endure whatever she wanted to do to me or with me. And this must be why I am outraged when M treats me badly. I scream to say, no more. I will never again submit. I do not have the confidence you do, Cedar, that I risked this. I hope so. Maybe someday I will go back and read the threads. I think this is so, Cedar. I was never afraid of M. What I mean is that I was never afraid of myself with him. I was well held and well in check. So I was never afraid of what I would become that would make him leave me. Yes. I think my work helped me along, too. I loved a lot in my work. And was loved back. Yes. Yes. This is what happened. Exactly this. I think that for me it was I could love my son...and he thrived...and loved me back. I think they call that a virtuous circle. It was safe to love him. I was safe. I made him OK. And then it didn't work anymore. Yes. Yuck. She really is my step-father. Yucky. Creepy determination, that has lasted decades and decades. Now I am questioning why I even emailed her. I hope it was to show mastery. This was what my mother always said. She said my sister always felt inferior, that I had more (of everything except money and meanness, too), was stronger and had the better life. Which is so weird because I was always vulnerable and Cinderella, and marginalized. It is pretty wonderful. Except now we have to figure out how to do it without them. And accept them as they are, or want or choose to be. He does Cedar. He loves you more than he can bear or can even know. I feel for him. I hope he can come to grips with his great love while you still live. If not, give him my phone number and I will help him through. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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