Yes, Cedar. I think that is the saddest thing about my life, that I had to hide my loving nature, because I had learned so early how much danger it brought me.
Yes.
In my own I want the walls green. A leaf green, with a darker green on the floor moldings so it looks like foliage and the oriental carpet, dark red. In the room in the other house that will someday be my office, I will do this. I have the carpet. I have the table. I will fill it with plants. Part of the room was a porch that was covered, so there are too ceiling heights. And the porch is windows wall to wall and beyond. I have 2 globe pendant lights. They may be too large, but I will try.
This room would be hard to rent. It has its own entrance, but you have to pass through the kitchen to reach the bathroom. It has a large closet where I will store the yarns and paints etc.
Cedar, are you aware that we are talking here about M's sister, the one you like who was helping me before my back pain?
If you are, I have a certain suspicion about her. When they came and fed the dogs, there was a trinket missing. She had admired years before two little miniature irons, that I had on my pantry shelf. The little one came up missing after she was here, already a couple of years ago. It was when we went to LA to move my mother's household things here.
In my heart of hearts I fear there is envy. (And really, if I am honest, she will never really be my friend.) I do not know what to do with those thoughts. I do not want to fear and mistrust everybody.
In any event I must have a relationship with her, for M. He is suspicious of her and her husband. Suspicion is not the word. Realistic, and watchful is more apt. But he knows how to love somebody with his eyes wide open.
Many of his siblings have tried to hurt him. He loves them. But he has an attitude of "you have to be careful because you do not know what they will do." (I guess this is key.) He takes responsibility for thinking a step or two ahead. And if he can't trying to help clean up the mess so as to reintegrate the family.
COPA
