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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 726611" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>No. I married him partly because I knew I was no longer welcome at home and had serious learning issues that made keeping even simple jobs hard. I did not think I could make it alone and he was handsome in my eyes and seemed stable but I knew it was a bad match. He demeaned me a lot but I saw this with my own parents and it wasn't until I had three kids that I realized that the was he talked to me and gave me no money wasn't normal. I divorced him after 17 years and after that met my current husband who is the opposite of ex. Awesome!</p><p></p><p>I personally don't think you should say anything about this man to your daughter. I think she knows he has quirks and, being the way that she is, will see through your pointing things out about him. It could anger her.</p><p></p><p> She is with him because she wants to be, warts and all. Now I asked my mom early on if I could come home and she told me I made my bed and I had to lay in it so I made the best I could out of my marriage, not thinking too hard that it was bad and focusing on my kids. I was happily married by 45. I got a lot of help for myself while married to the first man.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow I tried to answer your question. I did have to be on my own in my marriage and it did a lot of good for me to see I was more capable than I knew. It wasn't totally wasted time. I was rather difficult due to low self esteem and a depressive mood disorder in my 20s and early 30s. I would not have wanted my mother's two cents, if she had cared enough to see me much or voice it. It would have made me very angry for her to point out the obvious, even though it was true. And I felt I was with him partly because she gave me no safety net. But we were not close. She was cruel to me and very sensitive and cruel when I tried to defend myself.</p><p></p><p>Since</p><p> my depression has been successfully treated, late 39s, I am far more apt to take care of myself and much more prone to feeling I am worthy and discarding toxic people from my life. I was looking for a nice guy or none at all after the divorce.</p><p></p><p>If you want to preserve the relationship you have with your very touchy daughter, I would stay completely out of her relationship. "if you can't think of anything nice to say don't say anything at all."</p><p></p><p>I believe this man's present to Husband was his awkward attempt at humor. Eventually this will probably break up but feel that if you interfer even good naturedly you may push defiant daughter right into his arms. Please do not the create a middle age Romeo and Juliet!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 726611, member: 1550"] No. I married him partly because I knew I was no longer welcome at home and had serious learning issues that made keeping even simple jobs hard. I did not think I could make it alone and he was handsome in my eyes and seemed stable but I knew it was a bad match. He demeaned me a lot but I saw this with my own parents and it wasn't until I had three kids that I realized that the was he talked to me and gave me no money wasn't normal. I divorced him after 17 years and after that met my current husband who is the opposite of ex. Awesome! I personally don't think you should say anything about this man to your daughter. I think she knows he has quirks and, being the way that she is, will see through your pointing things out about him. It could anger her. She is with him because she wants to be, warts and all. Now I asked my mom early on if I could come home and she told me I made my bed and I had to lay in it so I made the best I could out of my marriage, not thinking too hard that it was bad and focusing on my kids. I was happily married by 45. I got a lot of help for myself while married to the first man. Anyhow I tried to answer your question. I did have to be on my own in my marriage and it did a lot of good for me to see I was more capable than I knew. It wasn't totally wasted time. I was rather difficult due to low self esteem and a depressive mood disorder in my 20s and early 30s. I would not have wanted my mother's two cents, if she had cared enough to see me much or voice it. It would have made me very angry for her to point out the obvious, even though it was true. And I felt I was with him partly because she gave me no safety net. But we were not close. She was cruel to me and very sensitive and cruel when I tried to defend myself. Since my depression has been successfully treated, late 39s, I am far more apt to take care of myself and much more prone to feeling I am worthy and discarding toxic people from my life. I was looking for a nice guy or none at all after the divorce. If you want to preserve the relationship you have with your very touchy daughter, I would stay completely out of her relationship. "if you can't think of anything nice to say don't say anything at all." I believe this man's present to Husband was his awkward attempt at humor. Eventually this will probably break up but feel that if you interfer even good naturedly you may push defiant daughter right into his arms. Please do not the create a middle age Romeo and Juliet! [/QUOTE]
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