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Birthparents issues with adopted kids
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 221347" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>I agree, that waiting is the best bet. She is not mature enough now. Loth made some great points. I especially like this part:</p><p>"I realized that hating her was using up way too much energy and I began to realize that I really just felt nothing for her and wasn't <strong>obligated</strong> to feel anything for her. I don't think kids at age 12 are capable of reasoning that out."</p><p>This is true for many of us and our parents, not just adoptees.</p><p> </p><p>MWM, you offered yet another perfect example of why waiting is important. If the bparents are going to flake out, it will only hurt the child. We've had minor issues, and they still hurt. difficult child's bmom missed 2 or 3 of his birthday parties because she was "sick." difficult child finally figured out that she wasn't sick at all. I suggested that he call her and personally ask her to come to the party. It worked. She heard his voice on the ans machine and was totally guilted into not only calling back, but showing up. On time. (She and the grandmother are notoriously late for everything. One yr, the ice cream cake melted while we were waiting and difficult child was in tears.)</p><p> </p><p>Your adolescent will have a hard time now, but I think it would be much harder to throw her into an unpredictable fray and have to clean up the mess. </p><p> </p><p>Best of luck. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 221347, member: 3419"] I agree, that waiting is the best bet. She is not mature enough now. Loth made some great points. I especially like this part: "I realized that hating her was using up way too much energy and I began to realize that I really just felt nothing for her and wasn't [B]obligated[/B] to feel anything for her. I don't think kids at age 12 are capable of reasoning that out." This is true for many of us and our parents, not just adoptees. MWM, you offered yet another perfect example of why waiting is important. If the bparents are going to flake out, it will only hurt the child. We've had minor issues, and they still hurt. difficult child's bmom missed 2 or 3 of his birthday parties because she was "sick." difficult child finally figured out that she wasn't sick at all. I suggested that he call her and personally ask her to come to the party. It worked. She heard his voice on the ans machine and was totally guilted into not only calling back, but showing up. On time. (She and the grandmother are notoriously late for everything. One yr, the ice cream cake melted while we were waiting and difficult child was in tears.) Your adolescent will have a hard time now, but I think it would be much harder to throw her into an unpredictable fray and have to clean up the mess. Best of luck. :) [/QUOTE]
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