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Birthparents issues with adopted kids
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 221494" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks again all. I tapped into a good resource today--a counselor who does post-adoption and this is a common issue for her. We talked for over an hour and both agreed that twelve is too young. </p><p>Then N. came home today all happy and in a good mood, like last night had never happened...lol. I let it go for now. I have learned that this is a normal part of development for a 12 year old adopted kid and that their brains are not sufficiently developed to deal with the details involved in meeting their birthfamilies. I will start to get in touch with them and write back and forth (or talk) when she is about sixteen to get ALL of us prepared. I will probably set up the first meeting with her therapist so all of us can meet together with one neutral person there. I think doing it slowly and with a lot of talking going on, on both sides, about what is best for N. is the way to go. Her birthmother is a very nice person and we got along really well. I think she'll be more than happy to work with me before the meeting, and, while we talk, I can fill her in on how N. is doing and send her pictures so that she doesn't feel the void in her own life. And maybe we can get the birth brother also involved. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son remembers him. They used to play together. </p><p>I have "20 Things Adopted Kids Want You to Know" reserved at the library for me when it comes back in. When I get on a topic, I go all out and tend to learn everything about it...lol. One thing I have read is that your child will actually be closer and more bonded to you if you go through the searching process with her and support her and embrace her birthparents. I CAN DO THAT!!!! I WILL DO THAT!!!! And most of the time, unless the child was adopted much older and knew the birth family before OR you had a hideous relationship with your child, you don't get dumped <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I feel much better now and ready to take on this topic full speed ahead. Thank you all <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I hope sometimes I can help you all as much as you help me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 221494, member: 1550"] Thanks again all. I tapped into a good resource today--a counselor who does post-adoption and this is a common issue for her. We talked for over an hour and both agreed that twelve is too young. Then N. came home today all happy and in a good mood, like last night had never happened...lol. I let it go for now. I have learned that this is a normal part of development for a 12 year old adopted kid and that their brains are not sufficiently developed to deal with the details involved in meeting their birthfamilies. I will start to get in touch with them and write back and forth (or talk) when she is about sixteen to get ALL of us prepared. I will probably set up the first meeting with her therapist so all of us can meet together with one neutral person there. I think doing it slowly and with a lot of talking going on, on both sides, about what is best for N. is the way to go. Her birthmother is a very nice person and we got along really well. I think she'll be more than happy to work with me before the meeting, and, while we talk, I can fill her in on how N. is doing and send her pictures so that she doesn't feel the void in her own life. And maybe we can get the birth brother also involved. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son remembers him. They used to play together. I have "20 Things Adopted Kids Want You to Know" reserved at the library for me when it comes back in. When I get on a topic, I go all out and tend to learn everything about it...lol. One thing I have read is that your child will actually be closer and more bonded to you if you go through the searching process with her and support her and embrace her birthparents. I CAN DO THAT!!!! I WILL DO THAT!!!! And most of the time, unless the child was adopted much older and knew the birth family before OR you had a hideous relationship with your child, you don't get dumped :) I feel much better now and ready to take on this topic full speed ahead. Thank you all ;) I hope sometimes I can help you all as much as you help me. [/QUOTE]
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