Well after coming here I have been getting out more and coming out about what happens here at home with my son more often with the right people. I did take him to play group a couple of times and I ran into his play group teacher today and we sat down and had a good talk because she wanted to know why I wasn't bringing him anymore. Mainly he has just been too difficult to bring and she may be the only child care professional who has seen one of his melt downs. Thats the thing at day care it seems they don't have alot of problems with him so its like its just me. Anyway the play group teacher has referred us to the Early Learning Centre so they can asess him. I hate what my mum said this week about me disciplining him. She said "you just sit and yell at him or sit and tell him to do stuff you need to get up and go to him and show him things" I nearly said " b***h if you had to run after him and be kept up half the night by him and try to be on the ball 24/7 with him you wouldn't be in a hurry to get up" She once again does not get it that I am just sooooooooooooo tired all the time with him and he commands my attention 24/7 and I mean how long can a person put up with that bull before just imploding. If I got up and ran to him everytime he did something wrong or commanded all eyes on him my life wouldn't be worth living. Also he can't seem to get more attention than my daughter and giving him more for being naughty is only going to make her resentful. This is what my mum did with my brother he was always screaming and crying and being naughty and she would run to his beck and call and me being the good child would become resentful and then it has given me heaps of other issues as an adult so there is no way on this Earth I am doing that. Arg mothers why can they not get it. I mean are the deaf, dumb and blind or just delusional. Giving him attention is only going to make him worse, he already has his own delusions of granduer I am not going to help the process. I am his mother not his slave. Oh and my neighbour maliciously dobbed us in to child protective services and made up a whole heap of lies like I wasn't getting my child's speech difficulties seen to and her borken arm was abuse and that my house is a health hazard and god knows what else. I know she did it because she made the threat to my dad first and my mum backs her up like she has a right. Of course the whole investigation was directed at my daughter who is actually not the problem child and is a perfect little angel. My mum though yesterday is backing up my neighbour. I will admit yes my house is messy and yes the dishes don't always get done and yes I do spend the majority of my day screaming blue murder at my son. Honestly I do what I can around here but I am exhausted all the time I can't function and if I am not looking at Elijah or with Elijah all the time he starts destroying my stuff till I stay with him so cleaning becomes redundant. Caring for Elijah is impossible for me right now and be blowed if I am going to live my life the way others want me to. I am going to live my life doing what I can with the time and strength I have. I mean if I try to take on Elijah and have my home up to scratch the way other people want it then I end up in bed for 2 months unable to get out from the exhaustion because no human has that kind of energy. I mean if I clean it he tears it apart within a couple of hours he pulls everything apart even rips matresses off the beds. Of course my mum's solution to everything is smack him or make sure he is too afraid to do it. I don't want my son to be afraid of me I want him to feel loved and nurtured and I want mummy to be a soft place to fall not the source of all his nightmares for crying out loud. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH can I kill her please!