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Board support needed for tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE-URGENTLY NEEDED
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 468522" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I tend to agree with DDD's take on this one. Years and years ago when Tony and I were newly together we were faced with something similar in our lives. We had my Billy who was around 5 at the time, Jamie was 2 and Cory was about 3 months old. Tony's dad was severely injured in an accident 3 months after he and I met and became a quadriplegic. That was in 1983. In 1986, his family asked us if we could take him in with us to care for him. Now remember, we were living hand to mouth at that time with Tony working construction, me going to school full time, 3 kids under 5, and living in a 2 bedroom mobile that was built in 1971. What was really bad was Tony's mom was dead. She had died when he was 15. Most of his sibling were in the same or worst shape as we were. His father hadnt had health insurance. </p><p></p><p>Oh Tony had wanted to take his Dad in. We both did. I had only met him one time before he was hurt. After he was hurt we went up there and the entire family was awful to me but he was nice to me. The only one who was. I wanted to take him in but I knew it wouldnt work. We were way too young and he was so severely disabled. I actually went down to a nursing home and talked to a social worker there and she helped me talk to Tony to see that he wasnt being selfish in telling his father and his family that he just couldnt do it. That he had his own family to take care of now and that he simply couldnt take on that kind of responsibility and do his father the kind of justice he deserved. In the end, his dad went into a nursing home. </p><p></p><p>Of course, look at us. We ended up being the caregivers to his grandmother and my mother but that was when we were older. </p><p></p><p>I dont blame you with this. I think you would be miserable in this situation. Your H isnt able to stand up against his mother when he is around her. Its not the same as my situation. I think your H would revert to a little boy and you would be left out in in the cold. It would be them against you all around. </p><p></p><p>I dont know that I would lay the moving out card on the table at the very beginning of the conversation. I think that would come out at the end if he simply cannot or will not agree that he can tell his mother she is not moving in with you. In fact, maybe the best way this should happen is if he has the conversation with her is in the therapist's office so he feels supported or has someone else around besides you. One time I was feeling rather upset by something my father had said to me and was afraid to call him and I made the call while in my therapist's office so she could be there for me if he said something to upset me. That might be a good way for your H to do this phone call. He can have a basic script written out ahead of time with bullet-ed points and it could even be on speaker phone so if something is said that he is confused by you or the therapist could help him. </p><p></p><p>That is just my thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 468522, member: 1514"] I tend to agree with DDD's take on this one. Years and years ago when Tony and I were newly together we were faced with something similar in our lives. We had my Billy who was around 5 at the time, Jamie was 2 and Cory was about 3 months old. Tony's dad was severely injured in an accident 3 months after he and I met and became a quadriplegic. That was in 1983. In 1986, his family asked us if we could take him in with us to care for him. Now remember, we were living hand to mouth at that time with Tony working construction, me going to school full time, 3 kids under 5, and living in a 2 bedroom mobile that was built in 1971. What was really bad was Tony's mom was dead. She had died when he was 15. Most of his sibling were in the same or worst shape as we were. His father hadnt had health insurance. Oh Tony had wanted to take his Dad in. We both did. I had only met him one time before he was hurt. After he was hurt we went up there and the entire family was awful to me but he was nice to me. The only one who was. I wanted to take him in but I knew it wouldnt work. We were way too young and he was so severely disabled. I actually went down to a nursing home and talked to a social worker there and she helped me talk to Tony to see that he wasnt being selfish in telling his father and his family that he just couldnt do it. That he had his own family to take care of now and that he simply couldnt take on that kind of responsibility and do his father the kind of justice he deserved. In the end, his dad went into a nursing home. Of course, look at us. We ended up being the caregivers to his grandmother and my mother but that was when we were older. I dont blame you with this. I think you would be miserable in this situation. Your H isnt able to stand up against his mother when he is around her. Its not the same as my situation. I think your H would revert to a little boy and you would be left out in in the cold. It would be them against you all around. I dont know that I would lay the moving out card on the table at the very beginning of the conversation. I think that would come out at the end if he simply cannot or will not agree that he can tell his mother she is not moving in with you. In fact, maybe the best way this should happen is if he has the conversation with her is in the therapist's office so he feels supported or has someone else around besides you. One time I was feeling rather upset by something my father had said to me and was afraid to call him and I made the call while in my therapist's office so she could be there for me if he said something to upset me. That might be a good way for your H to do this phone call. He can have a basic script written out ahead of time with bullet-ed points and it could even be on speaker phone so if something is said that he is confused by you or the therapist could help him. That is just my thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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