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Board support needed for tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE-URGENTLY NEEDED
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 468811" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Jo, </p><p></p><p>If this is...as everyone else has suggested between your husband and you? And if it is as before suggested that it is HIS place to set things straight with his Mother and he has yet (once again) done so - it is creating (once again) more undo stress on you. You have surgery coming up, a job - not to mention other things (life) to deal with. As with this situation - and I've said it before very bluntly he's going to have to man up and deal with it or loose you - should that be your choice. You seem to be very adamant about the not living with her part from what you have said here. I can completely relate having had been forced to live with my x mother in law. I will NEVER do it again. I will live in a tent before I'd do it again. Some get along okay - and some would live in a box from the grocery - I'm the latter. </p><p></p><p>That being said - and in between the lines from her statements? HOW about - before she goes off and sells things/does the estate sales - SOMEONE suggest she try - THERAPY for her depression BEFORE she makes RADICAL changes in her life???????? A lot of what I see from what you've written is NOT --------NOT her trying to hone in on your life....but a NEED to IMMEDIATELY fill a VOID that a lot of people just can't handle when they loose someone or have a major loss in their life. Whether she got along with him or not - she apparently can NOT handle the silence and being lonely - ie: depression and is keeping herself busied by making MAJOR plans.....the bigger, the grander - the better for HER filling the void. She (forgive here) may not even REALIZE....she is being all intrusive. No one has said......"NO you may not move in with us, or IT WILL NOT work out, or whatever because let's face it - WHO wants to tell their Mother - they are not welcome to live with them AFTER they provided a place to live for them in the needy years of their lives. It would be nearly impossible if you ask me for this to occur and say - Oh well - assisted living Mom. In my mind - that equates Nursing home and well.....that's a banana peel away from the inevitable. She is probabaly a vibrant woman who needs - friends, activities.......and support - but right now mostly? Needs to understand her GRIEF....and HOW to fill the gap in her life that has been created from the missing parts created from the death of her mate. Not easily done. Possibly therapy and medications could help - depression depletes our SSRI's - and we don't even realise the impact of it in our brains chemical make up. IT's also taxing on your Hubby too. Not to mention - you. </p><p></p><p>Hope things went well - but I would suggest HE suggest BEFORE radical moves........Six months of therapy - THEN see how it feels in the Spring. Stand by that and then talk about assisted living. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 468811, member: 4964"] Jo, If this is...as everyone else has suggested between your husband and you? And if it is as before suggested that it is HIS place to set things straight with his Mother and he has yet (once again) done so - it is creating (once again) more undo stress on you. You have surgery coming up, a job - not to mention other things (life) to deal with. As with this situation - and I've said it before very bluntly he's going to have to man up and deal with it or loose you - should that be your choice. You seem to be very adamant about the not living with her part from what you have said here. I can completely relate having had been forced to live with my x mother in law. I will NEVER do it again. I will live in a tent before I'd do it again. Some get along okay - and some would live in a box from the grocery - I'm the latter. That being said - and in between the lines from her statements? HOW about - before she goes off and sells things/does the estate sales - SOMEONE suggest she try - THERAPY for her depression BEFORE she makes RADICAL changes in her life???????? A lot of what I see from what you've written is NOT --------NOT her trying to hone in on your life....but a NEED to IMMEDIATELY fill a VOID that a lot of people just can't handle when they loose someone or have a major loss in their life. Whether she got along with him or not - she apparently can NOT handle the silence and being lonely - ie: depression and is keeping herself busied by making MAJOR plans.....the bigger, the grander - the better for HER filling the void. She (forgive here) may not even REALIZE....she is being all intrusive. No one has said......"NO you may not move in with us, or IT WILL NOT work out, or whatever because let's face it - WHO wants to tell their Mother - they are not welcome to live with them AFTER they provided a place to live for them in the needy years of their lives. It would be nearly impossible if you ask me for this to occur and say - Oh well - assisted living Mom. In my mind - that equates Nursing home and well.....that's a banana peel away from the inevitable. She is probabaly a vibrant woman who needs - friends, activities.......and support - but right now mostly? Needs to understand her GRIEF....and HOW to fill the gap in her life that has been created from the missing parts created from the death of her mate. Not easily done. Possibly therapy and medications could help - depression depletes our SSRI's - and we don't even realise the impact of it in our brains chemical make up. IT's also taxing on your Hubby too. Not to mention - you. Hope things went well - but I would suggest HE suggest BEFORE radical moves........Six months of therapy - THEN see how it feels in the Spring. Stand by that and then talk about assisted living. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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