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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 223509" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Jennifer, my daughter was and is very manipulative. We won't discuss all the things that were stolen from me, my friends, her friends, classmates, teachers and, of course, stores. I learned to never ask a question because there wouldn't be a word of truth in the answer. And so on and so forth. The only thing I didn't have to worry about was her having sex. She really wasn't interested in her early to mid teens. So, trust me, when I say I do understand but nothing you have said about your daughter seems to warrant an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and a boarding school won't stop a dang thing.</p><p> </p><p>I feel sad every time I hear about a young girl having sex at 13, 14, 15, 16. They give away such a precious part of themselves without really knowing why except that it feels good. Of course, this has been going on for a long, long time. It's just more in the open now.</p><p> </p><p>Now, if this were my daughter, her life would be very miserable for a long, long time. Not for having sex. The repercussions for that will be very natural consequences -- a pap smear, a lecture by the doctor, a viewing of a few pics that I find on the internet of STDs (the more graphic the better, including those of the throat), etc. In other words, anything that will let her know that sex at any age, let alone at 15, does have serious consequences. Being the type of mom I am and since you don't trust boyfriend's parents to do a dang thing, I'd have him sit through a couple of sessions with me (not with easy child present) giving him the info he needs to make an informed choice. And, yes, that is how I would phrase it.</p><p> </p><p>For the lying and the texting, the first thing I'd do is remove texting from her phone and it would not be coming back until at least the beginning of next school year. Mom or boyfriend would be taking and picking her up for all events, checking with all parents if a sleepover, etc. for the rest of the school year. Of course, this is on top of being grounded for X amount of time (a month seems reasonable to me, but I am and was a mean mom). Basically, I would make the consequences for her behavior hurt and hurt a lot.</p><p> </p><p>And now a tip -- teens do not miss parents when parents are away. Teens revel in parents being gone. If your kid keeps contacting you, rest assured they are up to something. It's the nature of the beast. Teenhood is the time to start distancing from parents. Ergo, teens really do the worst, dumbest, most irritating things so that it is easier to leave the nest -- they think they will have tremendous freedom when on their own, their parents can't wait for them leave so they don't have to put up with the garbage any more. It starts when hormones start coming into the picture (do remember that it is only in recent history that kids stayed at home for so long -- marriage at 13 wasn't all that uncommon in the history of mankind; age 15 was very common less than 100 years ago; 18 was the average age for marriage in the 50s and 60s and kids frequently got married younger than that).</p><p> </p><p>So, let her know she blew it big time. She disrespected your home and your beliefs. She broke the rules. She lied. She tried to manipulate you. She deserves you coming down hard on her. Do make her life perfectly miserable for awhile. Also let her know that she will have to rebuild the trust and that's not going to happen until the punishment period is over and then only step by step. However, once the consequence/punishment period is over, let it go. Watch her but give her a chance to prove she can follow the rules. Parents of teens walk very fine lines. I used to say a tightrope walker had nothing on me -- I walked on a silk thread almost 24/7. It's part of the job. She's doing hers by testing, trying to rip those apron strings. You do yours by making sure those apron strings are very strong and very long.</p><p> </p><p>HUGS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 223509, member: 3626"] Jennifer, my daughter was and is very manipulative. We won't discuss all the things that were stolen from me, my friends, her friends, classmates, teachers and, of course, stores. I learned to never ask a question because there wouldn't be a word of truth in the answer. And so on and so forth. The only thing I didn't have to worry about was her having sex. She really wasn't interested in her early to mid teens. So, trust me, when I say I do understand but nothing you have said about your daughter seems to warrant an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and a boarding school won't stop a dang thing. I feel sad every time I hear about a young girl having sex at 13, 14, 15, 16. They give away such a precious part of themselves without really knowing why except that it feels good. Of course, this has been going on for a long, long time. It's just more in the open now. Now, if this were my daughter, her life would be very miserable for a long, long time. Not for having sex. The repercussions for that will be very natural consequences -- a pap smear, a lecture by the doctor, a viewing of a few pics that I find on the internet of STDs (the more graphic the better, including those of the throat), etc. In other words, anything that will let her know that sex at any age, let alone at 15, does have serious consequences. Being the type of mom I am and since you don't trust boyfriend's parents to do a dang thing, I'd have him sit through a couple of sessions with me (not with easy child present) giving him the info he needs to make an informed choice. And, yes, that is how I would phrase it. For the lying and the texting, the first thing I'd do is remove texting from her phone and it would not be coming back until at least the beginning of next school year. Mom or boyfriend would be taking and picking her up for all events, checking with all parents if a sleepover, etc. for the rest of the school year. Of course, this is on top of being grounded for X amount of time (a month seems reasonable to me, but I am and was a mean mom). Basically, I would make the consequences for her behavior hurt and hurt a lot. And now a tip -- teens do not miss parents when parents are away. Teens revel in parents being gone. If your kid keeps contacting you, rest assured they are up to something. It's the nature of the beast. Teenhood is the time to start distancing from parents. Ergo, teens really do the worst, dumbest, most irritating things so that it is easier to leave the nest -- they think they will have tremendous freedom when on their own, their parents can't wait for them leave so they don't have to put up with the garbage any more. It starts when hormones start coming into the picture (do remember that it is only in recent history that kids stayed at home for so long -- marriage at 13 wasn't all that uncommon in the history of mankind; age 15 was very common less than 100 years ago; 18 was the average age for marriage in the 50s and 60s and kids frequently got married younger than that). So, let her know she blew it big time. She disrespected your home and your beliefs. She broke the rules. She lied. She tried to manipulate you. She deserves you coming down hard on her. Do make her life perfectly miserable for awhile. Also let her know that she will have to rebuild the trust and that's not going to happen until the punishment period is over and then only step by step. However, once the consequence/punishment period is over, let it go. Watch her but give her a chance to prove she can follow the rules. Parents of teens walk very fine lines. I used to say a tightrope walker had nothing on me -- I walked on a silk thread almost 24/7. It's part of the job. She's doing hers by testing, trying to rip those apron strings. You do yours by making sure those apron strings are very strong and very long. HUGS [/QUOTE]
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