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Bonding out - scary
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 143337" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Stands, </p><p> </p><p>Had to laugh at your first sentence - "trying not to frustrate anyone". Hon - it's not anyone here that is going to be frustrated like you will. </p><p>In knowing the history behind this situation, some will not support your decision, but can support you as a Mother of a son with problems. </p><p> </p><p>Historically you have told us he takes advantage of you. Susan - in your heart if you can live with the decision you made to bond him out, and send him to rehab? Then it is on you. There is a lot of work in finding balance in our parental hearts vs. our parental brains. But in the end you have to make a decision that YOU can sleep with at nights. </p><p> </p><p>So on the up side let's say with your son out of jail he goes to rehab and does well . Isn't this what anyone would wish? You would be happy with the knowledge that you took a chance, your choice panned out, your son wants to be clean and sober, and it turned out to be better than leaving him in jail. Who among us wouldn't wish that for anyone? </p><p> </p><p>On the down side -there is history and knowledge. Let's say you bailed him out, he goes to rehab, things don't go as you hoped and he ends up back in jail. What's the worst part about that scenario? Some may say you knew better and you knew what would happen, and it did. Others would say I told you so, nothing has changed. I disagree, but will explain. I think what would change is you. Simply put you did what you did because you had to live with yourself and sleep at night. So ask yourself "Is this the last time I rescue my son?" If the answer is yes. Then should the outcome be unpleasant - you make a committment to yourself to detach. You tell yourself Susan - I'm going to allow you to do offer this one last chance to your son and then THAT has to be it! No more after this. After this - I live my life, continue to love my son, but I will detach. </p><p> </p><p>The frustrating part for parents lies in the heart. The frustrating part for friends lies in the heart also. However - that being said of you or anyone else - We are here, we do care, we WILL support you; but considering all that you have been through for your son, and how he has made you feel, my best wish for you dear friend is that I hope rehab works. I pray it does. But should it not? I also pray that this will allow you to find the end of your rope so you can't be hurt by your son's behaviors any longer and will start the process of detachment. Keep in mind - detaching does not mean you don't love your son. It means you love him enough to allow what is going to happen to happen and let go - and Let God. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know what more I could wish for you. My prayers are with you. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 143337, member: 4964"] Stands, Had to laugh at your first sentence - "trying not to frustrate anyone". Hon - it's not anyone here that is going to be frustrated like you will. In knowing the history behind this situation, some will not support your decision, but can support you as a Mother of a son with problems. Historically you have told us he takes advantage of you. Susan - in your heart if you can live with the decision you made to bond him out, and send him to rehab? Then it is on you. There is a lot of work in finding balance in our parental hearts vs. our parental brains. But in the end you have to make a decision that YOU can sleep with at nights. So on the up side let's say with your son out of jail he goes to rehab and does well . Isn't this what anyone would wish? You would be happy with the knowledge that you took a chance, your choice panned out, your son wants to be clean and sober, and it turned out to be better than leaving him in jail. Who among us wouldn't wish that for anyone? On the down side -there is history and knowledge. Let's say you bailed him out, he goes to rehab, things don't go as you hoped and he ends up back in jail. What's the worst part about that scenario? Some may say you knew better and you knew what would happen, and it did. Others would say I told you so, nothing has changed. I disagree, but will explain. I think what would change is you. Simply put you did what you did because you had to live with yourself and sleep at night. So ask yourself "Is this the last time I rescue my son?" If the answer is yes. Then should the outcome be unpleasant - you make a committment to yourself to detach. You tell yourself Susan - I'm going to allow you to do offer this one last chance to your son and then THAT has to be it! No more after this. After this - I live my life, continue to love my son, but I will detach. The frustrating part for parents lies in the heart. The frustrating part for friends lies in the heart also. However - that being said of you or anyone else - We are here, we do care, we WILL support you; but considering all that you have been through for your son, and how he has made you feel, my best wish for you dear friend is that I hope rehab works. I pray it does. But should it not? I also pray that this will allow you to find the end of your rope so you can't be hurt by your son's behaviors any longer and will start the process of detachment. Keep in mind - detaching does not mean you don't love your son. It means you love him enough to allow what is going to happen to happen and let go - and Let God. I don't know what more I could wish for you. My prayers are with you. Hugs Star And [/QUOTE]
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