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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 262832" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>When my father in law came to live in an ALF a couple of blocks away from me, my husband went to see him every day. After a while I noticed that father in law didn't do things for himself that he could do and that he was not mingling and making friends. I had husband stop the daily visits and just go 2x a week. It worked out well all around until father in law had a stroke which put him in the Alshiemer's ward (he did have it before the stroke but it was thought that he would not need the alsheimer's care ward for several years). </p><p> </p><p>We went back to the everyday thing immediately after the stroke and he got out of rehab. We did this because they sent him back to his cottage at first. We knew he could not function on his own so we helped him out. husband was sleeping there and then I would spend the day. This went on for a month until I realized that father in law would never be able to live alone in his cottage again. I told husband to stop sleeping there and I would only go twice a week. It was scary but we knew that it was the only way the facility would see that he wasn't able to be alone. father in law got into all kinds of situations and an emergency meeting was called by the facility. He was then placed in the Altshiemer's care facility where he was monitered at all times. It was hard for us to do but it was the best thing for him. </p><p> </p><p>One thing I kept askingmyself was "Why spend all that money for a facility if you are going to do all the work?" </p><p>It is one thing if you are enjoying the time and the running around that it entails but if it is a burden... then why? </p><p> </p><p>After father in law was placed in the closed facility and we knew that he would no longer be wandering off and getting lost getting into fights with strangers, etc. we moved about 45 minutes away. The facility was so used to me dropping everything and running for whatever that they would still call me for every little thing like when he lost his belt or needed shoelaces until I finally put my foot down and had them keep his clothing in the laundry room only giving him what he needed at the time. I also established an account with a company that would allow them to order things and then I would approve the purchase and pay for it. Now we go to visit when we want to. We go mostly unannounced and at many different times and on different days so we can see how they care for him. We stay only 20 minutes as he gets agitated and hellucinates about horrible things happening to us if we don't leave immediately. Since we do not want him to be uncomfortable we leave. </p><p> </p><p>Sorry I didn't mean to go on so much but my point was that if you continue to do for her she won't do for herself and she won't "settle in". Also if the facility thinks that they can keep you doing for her they won't assumethe entire responsibility for her care.-RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 262832, member: 2315"] When my father in law came to live in an ALF a couple of blocks away from me, my husband went to see him every day. After a while I noticed that father in law didn't do things for himself that he could do and that he was not mingling and making friends. I had husband stop the daily visits and just go 2x a week. It worked out well all around until father in law had a stroke which put him in the Alshiemer's ward (he did have it before the stroke but it was thought that he would not need the alsheimer's care ward for several years). We went back to the everyday thing immediately after the stroke and he got out of rehab. We did this because they sent him back to his cottage at first. We knew he could not function on his own so we helped him out. husband was sleeping there and then I would spend the day. This went on for a month until I realized that father in law would never be able to live alone in his cottage again. I told husband to stop sleeping there and I would only go twice a week. It was scary but we knew that it was the only way the facility would see that he wasn't able to be alone. father in law got into all kinds of situations and an emergency meeting was called by the facility. He was then placed in the Altshiemer's care facility where he was monitered at all times. It was hard for us to do but it was the best thing for him. One thing I kept askingmyself was "Why spend all that money for a facility if you are going to do all the work?" It is one thing if you are enjoying the time and the running around that it entails but if it is a burden... then why? After father in law was placed in the closed facility and we knew that he would no longer be wandering off and getting lost getting into fights with strangers, etc. we moved about 45 minutes away. The facility was so used to me dropping everything and running for whatever that they would still call me for every little thing like when he lost his belt or needed shoelaces until I finally put my foot down and had them keep his clothing in the laundry room only giving him what he needed at the time. I also established an account with a company that would allow them to order things and then I would approve the purchase and pay for it. Now we go to visit when we want to. We go mostly unannounced and at many different times and on different days so we can see how they care for him. We stay only 20 minutes as he gets agitated and hellucinates about horrible things happening to us if we don't leave immediately. Since we do not want him to be uncomfortable we leave. Sorry I didn't mean to go on so much but my point was that if you continue to do for her she won't do for herself and she won't "settle in". Also if the facility thinks that they can keep you doing for her they won't assumethe entire responsibility for her care.-RM [/QUOTE]
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