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Bothered me so much I can't sleep (long)
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 170991" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Given the options, I think taking the bag was about the best you could do. As you said, any other consequences weren't happening. You went to her level in just grabbing it. As was said, the next time give her the choice, the candy returned or the makeup gone (permanently).</p><p> </p><p>As to her comment, I heard it and variations thereof many times. It wasn't that mine wanted to kill me or wanted me dead (there was no real concept that death was permanent), it was just "I want to do what I want and I resent you stopping me." I used to reply that I understood exactly how she felt but she was still stuck doing what I told her.</p><p> </p><p>Quit giving her reasons and letting her argue with you. Simply tell her what it is you want done, the consequence for not doing it and following through. Remember when you tried the flat effect and how much she didn't like it? Well, go back to it. Right now, she truly sees you as her equal. As much as you can, stick with the flat effect.</p><p> </p><p>Locking yourself in your room while she tantrums is ridiculous. She needs to be taken into her room, not you hiding. Right now, she truly has the upper hand. She wears you down and ultimately gets her way or forces you to come down to her level. I know, I was there many times. It honestly took me from age 7 to age 10 to get my home back from my child. It was three of the most difficult years I ever faced. I had to totally change my parenting. No arguing, no engaging. It wasn't easy and she fought it tooth and nail but I think it helped her in the long run. At least she didn't go the drug and drink route in her teens (a fear I truly had). As hard as it is, you need to get some control now or you are going to at least the fifth level of hell when she's older.</p><p> </p><p>One trick that worked for me was I when she started to melt down, I would let out a primal scream. The first time she stopped cold and asked me what was going on. I told her I was letting my mad worm lose so that it wouldn't explode inside of me. From then on, we would both let loose with the loudest scream we could get away with (sometimes totally silent because of location and time). It didn't always stop the meltdown but it certainly helped.</p><p> </p><p>Quit second guessing yourself. It is so easy to do that and then beat yourself up for not being perfect. Just do your best. Be as consistent as possible. If you give a consequence, make it stick (unless you decide it was truly unfair, then, when you've calmed down tell Tink you were angry and not thinking and the actual consequence is Y rather than X). Admit when you're wrong to yourself and to Tink (sometimes, anyway). Most importantly, let your mistakes go. If you would forgive your behavior in another, forgive yourself just as much. If you wouldn't, vow to never behave like that again and do your best to keep vow.</p><p> </p><p>In the meantime, ((((((((BBK))))))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 170991, member: 3626"] Given the options, I think taking the bag was about the best you could do. As you said, any other consequences weren't happening. You went to her level in just grabbing it. As was said, the next time give her the choice, the candy returned or the makeup gone (permanently). As to her comment, I heard it and variations thereof many times. It wasn't that mine wanted to kill me or wanted me dead (there was no real concept that death was permanent), it was just "I want to do what I want and I resent you stopping me." I used to reply that I understood exactly how she felt but she was still stuck doing what I told her. Quit giving her reasons and letting her argue with you. Simply tell her what it is you want done, the consequence for not doing it and following through. Remember when you tried the flat effect and how much she didn't like it? Well, go back to it. Right now, she truly sees you as her equal. As much as you can, stick with the flat effect. Locking yourself in your room while she tantrums is ridiculous. She needs to be taken into her room, not you hiding. Right now, she truly has the upper hand. She wears you down and ultimately gets her way or forces you to come down to her level. I know, I was there many times. It honestly took me from age 7 to age 10 to get my home back from my child. It was three of the most difficult years I ever faced. I had to totally change my parenting. No arguing, no engaging. It wasn't easy and she fought it tooth and nail but I think it helped her in the long run. At least she didn't go the drug and drink route in her teens (a fear I truly had). As hard as it is, you need to get some control now or you are going to at least the fifth level of hell when she's older. One trick that worked for me was I when she started to melt down, I would let out a primal scream. The first time she stopped cold and asked me what was going on. I told her I was letting my mad worm lose so that it wouldn't explode inside of me. From then on, we would both let loose with the loudest scream we could get away with (sometimes totally silent because of location and time). It didn't always stop the meltdown but it certainly helped. Quit second guessing yourself. It is so easy to do that and then beat yourself up for not being perfect. Just do your best. Be as consistent as possible. If you give a consequence, make it stick (unless you decide it was truly unfair, then, when you've calmed down tell Tink you were angry and not thinking and the actual consequence is Y rather than X). Admit when you're wrong to yourself and to Tink (sometimes, anyway). Most importantly, let your mistakes go. If you would forgive your behavior in another, forgive yourself just as much. If you wouldn't, vow to never behave like that again and do your best to keep vow. In the meantime, ((((((((BBK)))))))) [/QUOTE]
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