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Bothered me so much I can't sleep (long)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 171106" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((HUGS)))))</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry that the "professionals" are so stupid where you live. I hate when they treat you like they know it isn't bad when YOU know it is. We had 3 psychiatrist/therapist combos each tell us Wiz wasn't so bad, when he was trying to strangle his sister in the middle of the night and hacking through the school's webnanny system (yess, he was all of 12 when he did that), and telling me not to engage, when not engaging meant leaving him on top of his sister with his hands around her neck.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, I was gonna just talk to him. I wanted to kill him. Literally, many times. It took a heck of a lot of work with MY therapist to keep the boy alive.</p><p> </p><p>I know you are scared, frustrated, and feel all alone. Those times, know that I am with you. You have all of us here, your been there done that friends, who know how bad it is, who know how scared you are, and who know how hard you are trying.</p><p> </p><p>You ARE absolutely the mommy God wanted Tink to have, and you have or will develop all the tools you need to/ can develop to help both of you. </p><p> </p><p>I used to ignore the "I want to kill you" "I hate you" and other despicable things Wiz said, simply because I couldn't cope withthem. If I had addressed them in any way I would have screamed back in kind sometimes. I didn't, much as I was tempted to see what he would do if I did. It does make your heart freeze, and cuts deeply into you soul. I didn't say it in return, simply because I never ever wanted my son to hurt that way. I did say "I understand how you feel. I want you to feel free to talk to me about your feelings and know that I will love you no matter what you say." I said it calmly (even when I wanted to scream) and I meant it. If he stopped talking to me, no way to help him. </p><p> </p><p>Find something to say, say it with-o emotion, and say it every time she tries to hurt you iwth the I want to kill you/wish you were dead/would be better off with-o you, whatever. A therapist I respect to this day (and there are few of those!) taught me this.</p><p> </p><p>Do what you need to, know the makeup bag is a powerful tool for Tink, know that you CAN force her behavior when you need to be on her level by holding the makeup bag hostage. it isn't fun, but sometimes we must be at their level. </p><p> </p><p>I do think you need to find a way to get her to rage in her own room, rather than going to yours, unless the TV, etc... fun stuff are all in yours. But if you are in your room, and she is in the rest of the apt, what will keep her in the apt? What will keep her from running out of the apt, this raging child, and keep her safe while she is raging out in the world? At the very least, if you can't get her to her room, you MUST put alarms on the exits and arm them when she is in the main area and you are in your room. just to keep her safe in the apt. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs,</p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry the last few days have been so awful. Remember I am with you, giving you a hug right now!</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 171106, member: 1233"] (((((HUGS))))) I am sorry that the "professionals" are so stupid where you live. I hate when they treat you like they know it isn't bad when YOU know it is. We had 3 psychiatrist/therapist combos each tell us Wiz wasn't so bad, when he was trying to strangle his sister in the middle of the night and hacking through the school's webnanny system (yess, he was all of 12 when he did that), and telling me not to engage, when not engaging meant leaving him on top of his sister with his hands around her neck. Yeah, I was gonna just talk to him. I wanted to kill him. Literally, many times. It took a heck of a lot of work with MY therapist to keep the boy alive. I know you are scared, frustrated, and feel all alone. Those times, know that I am with you. You have all of us here, your been there done that friends, who know how bad it is, who know how scared you are, and who know how hard you are trying. You ARE absolutely the mommy God wanted Tink to have, and you have or will develop all the tools you need to/ can develop to help both of you. I used to ignore the "I want to kill you" "I hate you" and other despicable things Wiz said, simply because I couldn't cope withthem. If I had addressed them in any way I would have screamed back in kind sometimes. I didn't, much as I was tempted to see what he would do if I did. It does make your heart freeze, and cuts deeply into you soul. I didn't say it in return, simply because I never ever wanted my son to hurt that way. I did say "I understand how you feel. I want you to feel free to talk to me about your feelings and know that I will love you no matter what you say." I said it calmly (even when I wanted to scream) and I meant it. If he stopped talking to me, no way to help him. Find something to say, say it with-o emotion, and say it every time she tries to hurt you iwth the I want to kill you/wish you were dead/would be better off with-o you, whatever. A therapist I respect to this day (and there are few of those!) taught me this. Do what you need to, know the makeup bag is a powerful tool for Tink, know that you CAN force her behavior when you need to be on her level by holding the makeup bag hostage. it isn't fun, but sometimes we must be at their level. I do think you need to find a way to get her to rage in her own room, rather than going to yours, unless the TV, etc... fun stuff are all in yours. But if you are in your room, and she is in the rest of the apt, what will keep her in the apt? What will keep her from running out of the apt, this raging child, and keep her safe while she is raging out in the world? At the very least, if you can't get her to her room, you MUST put alarms on the exits and arm them when she is in the main area and you are in your room. just to keep her safe in the apt. Hugs, I am so sorry the last few days have been so awful. Remember I am with you, giving you a hug right now! Susie [/QUOTE]
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