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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 734886" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>New start. Hi. And welcome.</p><p></p><p>I am dealing with some of the same stuff.</p><p></p><p>I have come to see that all of the problem is with me. My difficulty with staying centered in, true to myself. To even be able to identify and to hold on to my core beliefs and wants, let alone take care of myself in relation to my child.</p><p></p><p>You are doing this!!! You are aware of your needs and limits. You are being true to yourself. You are letting her own herself. This is.a gift to her.</p><p></p><p>The alternative would be to take over to solve things. To feel her feelings. This is what I do too much. You, not so much. Good job.</p><p></p><p>This is what I am learning for me.</p><p></p><p>The only possibility for control I have in life is over myself. When I start to live my son's life for him, I lose myself. </p><p></p><p>I cannot know best for another adult. My son needs to find his own wisdom, and identify his own course. You are giving your daughter this opportunity. By staying true to you.</p><p></p><p>My support needs to be freely given, without conditions. This is hard for me. I see so many things my son needs to change. Wrong. I have no vote here.</p><p></p><p>When I begin to have goals for my son, believe he should do this or that, I have abandoned myself. I have set myself up to be manipulated I have set up a power struggle. I, not he has set this up. I am at least half the problem.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing the more we let them solve things, the more of a shot we all have. But that does not mean I cannot support him. But first I need to be whole myself. And not be trying to deal with my own feelings, fears and lacks thru him.</p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting. I have learned a lot from your post. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 734886, member: 18958"] New start. Hi. And welcome. I am dealing with some of the same stuff. I have come to see that all of the problem is with me. My difficulty with staying centered in, true to myself. To even be able to identify and to hold on to my core beliefs and wants, let alone take care of myself in relation to my child. You are doing this!!! You are aware of your needs and limits. You are being true to yourself. You are letting her own herself. This is.a gift to her. The alternative would be to take over to solve things. To feel her feelings. This is what I do too much. You, not so much. Good job. This is what I am learning for me. The only possibility for control I have in life is over myself. When I start to live my son's life for him, I lose myself. I cannot know best for another adult. My son needs to find his own wisdom, and identify his own course. You are giving your daughter this opportunity. By staying true to you. My support needs to be freely given, without conditions. This is hard for me. I see so many things my son needs to change. Wrong. I have no vote here. When I begin to have goals for my son, believe he should do this or that, I have abandoned myself. I have set myself up to be manipulated I have set up a power struggle. I, not he has set this up. I am at least half the problem. I am seeing the more we let them solve things, the more of a shot we all have. But that does not mean I cannot support him. But first I need to be whole myself. And not be trying to deal with my own feelings, fears and lacks thru him. I hope you keep posting. I have learned a lot from your post. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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