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Call him out?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 438924" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Is it ----that when you both are IN counseling - husband does all the nodding and uh huhing, and agreeing with the fury of a 12 mule team - and then when he gets to the house? It's like "PFT----whatever." and by the time you all roll around back to counseling- you are so worn out, and stressed you have forgotten 1/2 of the indiscretions and things he has done or NOT done because you are so busy that you just don't have time to (as it were) KEEP SCORE? So that when you are sitting there with the counselor - and he says "How's it going?" INSTEAD of really blasting out what you feel or going down a laundry list of "HOW DO I FEEL? Let me get out my list and tell you how my week with husband has gone." and let 'er rip - you maybe just sit there and say "WEll okay I guess except for (and name one or two things you CAN remember because you're so tired." </p><p></p><p>IF (and I'm guessing) but IF this is the case (because this is what happened to me with Dude) I was too tired to name all the JUNK that he did - and essentially by the time I got to therapy HE was getting away with MURDER....and KNEW it - like a kid sitting there praying I would forget this, and that and OH jheez I hope she doesn't bring THAT up -and most times I didn't. I was worn out. The therapist suggested I keep a note pad. During the week I could choose to or not to write down my pet peeves and either address them or NOT address them as I saw fit - CALL him on it - or NOT call him on it - but WRITE IT DOWN....date it - and time it and write a brief what I did. Then as I got to therapy - just RUN through it - and THAT WAS A HUGE difference to the therapist - because OTHERWISE?????? It sounds to HIM like - Meh ----things are pretty good. Except for that one thing or maybe two. When I started writing it down? HOLY HANDBAGS!!!!!! It was like - OKAY NOW we have something viable to work with - NOW we have a serious problem - but before that it was like - oneof those - "Wow - this must be the Mother not being a good Mother - issue, divorced, has new boyfriend/typical classic angry child scenario." And after the notebook? Yeah - we see ISSUES ----DEEP DEEP ISSUES and the focus went to THE CHILD and NOT the Mother. (believe me - The Mother (me) still had issues - but they were NOT the problems of the child. </p><p></p><p>Just sayin -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 438924, member: 4964"] Is it ----that when you both are IN counseling - husband does all the nodding and uh huhing, and agreeing with the fury of a 12 mule team - and then when he gets to the house? It's like "PFT----whatever." and by the time you all roll around back to counseling- you are so worn out, and stressed you have forgotten 1/2 of the indiscretions and things he has done or NOT done because you are so busy that you just don't have time to (as it were) KEEP SCORE? So that when you are sitting there with the counselor - and he says "How's it going?" INSTEAD of really blasting out what you feel or going down a laundry list of "HOW DO I FEEL? Let me get out my list and tell you how my week with husband has gone." and let 'er rip - you maybe just sit there and say "WEll okay I guess except for (and name one or two things you CAN remember because you're so tired." IF (and I'm guessing) but IF this is the case (because this is what happened to me with Dude) I was too tired to name all the JUNK that he did - and essentially by the time I got to therapy HE was getting away with MURDER....and KNEW it - like a kid sitting there praying I would forget this, and that and OH jheez I hope she doesn't bring THAT up -and most times I didn't. I was worn out. The therapist suggested I keep a note pad. During the week I could choose to or not to write down my pet peeves and either address them or NOT address them as I saw fit - CALL him on it - or NOT call him on it - but WRITE IT DOWN....date it - and time it and write a brief what I did. Then as I got to therapy - just RUN through it - and THAT WAS A HUGE difference to the therapist - because OTHERWISE?????? It sounds to HIM like - Meh ----things are pretty good. Except for that one thing or maybe two. When I started writing it down? HOLY HANDBAGS!!!!!! It was like - OKAY NOW we have something viable to work with - NOW we have a serious problem - but before that it was like - oneof those - "Wow - this must be the Mother not being a good Mother - issue, divorced, has new boyfriend/typical classic angry child scenario." And after the notebook? Yeah - we see ISSUES ----DEEP DEEP ISSUES and the focus went to THE CHILD and NOT the Mother. (believe me - The Mother (me) still had issues - but they were NOT the problems of the child. Just sayin - [/QUOTE]
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