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Call him out?
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 438933" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>DF, counselor says he doesn't know HOW to respect. I get to teach him that, too. (yipee)</p><p></p><p>Star, I have started because I found that to be the case. I text myself on my phone. lol I could remember that there was 10 or 12 things, but I'd be so frustrated, I wouldn't remember what they were! So I started writing them down, and then I also found, I can prioritize, and if the list is big, I can just pick out the heavy hitters instead of the small stuff (this particular one would be, I think, small stuff - it can and has just lead to big stuff...so I'm not sure <em>when</em> to make the call on it).</p><p></p><p>One that really peeved me was a couple of weeks ago, he was kicking cgfg's horse because the horse doesn't know back, and I jumped all up in his business about it, 'cause I bought and paid for that horse, and I'll be you-know-what if he's gonna kick it to "teach" it to back. Not to mention what that teaches the kids. He got ticked off and stomped off and I called him on both counts right there. He said I am ALWAYS correcting him; everything he does. I asked for one other example, and, of course, he can give none, and blames his Learning Disability (LD) and memory problems. I said than you need to start either calling me out RIGHT THEN when I correct him unfairly, or writing it down to tell me later, cause I can't fix what I don't know is broken. And I have been painfully aware of my actions with him since, and not once have I caught myself "correcting" him. And as our last session approached, for the life of me, I couldn't recall that incident to save my life! The counselor had to reschedule, and I've since remembered and wrote it down, and have been writing things down since. But yeah, that was probably part of the problem, too.</p><p></p><p>And mostly, our sessions aren't even together. He goes to individual counseling with a man. The "together" counselor says we need to understand why he won't stand up to his parents before we can move forward much more than just my efforts to basically "parent" him. And that kinda/sorta makes sense. I guess. Kinda. </p><p></p><p>Doesn't make it any easier to live with him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 438933, member: 1848"] DF, counselor says he doesn't know HOW to respect. I get to teach him that, too. (yipee) Star, I have started because I found that to be the case. I text myself on my phone. lol I could remember that there was 10 or 12 things, but I'd be so frustrated, I wouldn't remember what they were! So I started writing them down, and then I also found, I can prioritize, and if the list is big, I can just pick out the heavy hitters instead of the small stuff (this particular one would be, I think, small stuff - it can and has just lead to big stuff...so I'm not sure [I]when[/I] to make the call on it). One that really peeved me was a couple of weeks ago, he was kicking cgfg's horse because the horse doesn't know back, and I jumped all up in his business about it, 'cause I bought and paid for that horse, and I'll be you-know-what if he's gonna kick it to "teach" it to back. Not to mention what that teaches the kids. He got ticked off and stomped off and I called him on both counts right there. He said I am ALWAYS correcting him; everything he does. I asked for one other example, and, of course, he can give none, and blames his Learning Disability (LD) and memory problems. I said than you need to start either calling me out RIGHT THEN when I correct him unfairly, or writing it down to tell me later, cause I can't fix what I don't know is broken. And I have been painfully aware of my actions with him since, and not once have I caught myself "correcting" him. And as our last session approached, for the life of me, I couldn't recall that incident to save my life! The counselor had to reschedule, and I've since remembered and wrote it down, and have been writing things down since. But yeah, that was probably part of the problem, too. And mostly, our sessions aren't even together. He goes to individual counseling with a man. The "together" counselor says we need to understand why he won't stand up to his parents before we can move forward much more than just my efforts to basically "parent" him. And that kinda/sorta makes sense. I guess. Kinda. Doesn't make it any easier to live with him. [/QUOTE]
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