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CAN husband be trusted???
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 302664" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>There could be absolutely nothing going on. But if so - why be secretive about it?</p><p></p><p>Maybe ghe gts off on the clandestine nature of it all, feeling like he's sneaking around but he's not, really. But then - a bloke who does this, is also likely to be following through physically (if not now, then soon).</p><p></p><p>The thing is, for him to be hiding this from you, is disrespectful.</p><p></p><p>But a point also not yet made by anyoone - he is also showing disrespect and dishonesty to the women contacting him on his space. What is he letting them think or hope for? Even if his page announces to the world tat he is happily married, he could be saying (via phone or in person) that he is, in reality, separated. But not announcing it on the site because he doesn't want to be pestered by too many women. Or whatever excuse.</p><p></p><p>While there are some women who don't care if they're fooling around with a married man, they are in the minority. Most women who get tangled with a married man do so because at some early stage, the man either didn't tell them he was married, or let the women believe that he was in some way available (or soon to be available).</p><p></p><p>Ages ago I joined a website for people wanting to get back in touch with old schoolfriends (etc). I have been contacted by people I was at school with, including exchanging some emails very recently with a couple of guys I knew years ago. Nothing in it, and husband was free to open and read all my emails. But if I had done this via something like FB, it could have looked a bit 'hinky'. </p><p></p><p>The thing is - part of me does wonder about old flames. Where are they now, what do they look like, what are their lives like, etc. Part of me would like to cross paths with a couple of them again (other past flames I never want to see again, unless it is to see them as decrepit old timers while I look fabulous). If husband & I weren't so open with one another, there is even a chance I might secretly let curiosity get the better of me. I might coontact one of them, arrange to meet, maybe talk over the phone - but where would it lead? Who knows?</p><p></p><p>What I do know is - to contact such people form the past when you have a very different presetn and future, is OK as long as you are open about it with your current partner. But to be secretive about it is to not only disrespect your current partner, it is also disrepsectful and dishonest to the old contact. It's not fair, all around. </p><p></p><p>And someone who does this, not considering the possible fallout for the OTHER people involved (not just their partners) is someone who is being utterly, totally selfish, disrespectful and dishonest.</p><p></p><p>So, should you confront him?</p><p></p><p>THat depends on your answer to this question - what do you hope to achieve, if you confront him? Are you hopping he will confess all and be honest with you? Given hisbehaviour to date, is this likely? You know him, I don't. But if you confronted him, let's say, and he denied any wrongdoing or skulduggery, what then? Could you believe him?</p><p>Even if he broke down and confessed that he had been seeing someone behind your back, could you be sure he was telling you the whole story? And could you ever be sure of anything he told you in the future?</p><p></p><p>But if instead you choose to not confront him, then one BIG thing happens - you get to keep the element of surprise and secrecy. </p><p></p><p>If you want as close to absolute truth as you can get, then DON'T confront him. That way, you get to track his activities more accurately. if you want to confront him without giving away your surveillance of him online, then you could arrange to accidentally drop in where he just happens to have arranged a rendezvous. Or have a friend see him there and tell you. Anything to expose his activity enough for you to confront him but not give away your montiroing of his FB page.</p><p></p><p>But then - what do you expect to achieve?</p><p></p><p>I was reading a book today - a biography of Nancy Wake, the most decorated Australian woman in WWII. Possibly the most decorated of any nation, for WWII. It's an amazing story - she and her husband Henri lived in the south of France and worked clandestinely for the Resistance. They were amazing, in the things they did. It was very much a love match, they did a lot of things together. Nancy was a social butterly (a bit of a Paris Hilton) but with a brain and used her cover to get intelligence and also justify being seen in various social circles. She often was seen having lunch with her female friends. But despite her marriage being a love match there was a couple of times when she found out that Henri had cheated on her - a friend might say to her, "Why didn't you drop in and visit me last week when you were in the area? The hotel register said Henri was there with his wife, but you never came to see me."</p><p>Only Nancy knew she hadn't been there, her husband was there alone, she had thought, on business.</p><p>She loved him but wouldn't let it pass - they had a fight every time this happened. But no possibility of leaving him. Instead, she played her own (very French) game - it was fairly common practice for French women at that time to have some fancy lingerie, beautiful satin undergarments which they would wear either for a lover, or to see the gynaecologist. So just occasionally, to keep Henri guessing and not feeling too complacent, Nancy would lay out the clothes she planned to wear that day, allegedly for a lunch with her girlfriends, but make sure the beautiful satin lingerie was there also. Henri would know if she had an appointment with the gynaecologist (the only other reason for wearing her best undergarments). She wasn't having any affairs, but she kept him feelnig sufficiently insecure so he stopped taking other women away on his "business trips".</p><p></p><p>I was thinking - why don't you take a leaf out of Nancy Wake's story? Do some research on the signs your partner is having an affair, then YOU begin to display those signs. For example, make sure you carefully put makeup on and dress up a little more carefully, SOME of the time you go out alone. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes success and confidence is the best revenge.</p><p></p><p>by the way, the story of Nancy & Henri had a sad ending - he was taken away for questioning one day, soon after Nancy left to go into hiding. They had planned her departure to be as impromptu as possible, she simply rode off on her bicycle to go to the shops but they both knew she was having to go into hiding and they didn't know when they would see each other again. Next thing, Henri was captured and tortured to find out where Nancy was but he never told. So despite the affairs and the little mind games, they were both loyal to eachc other where it really counted. Henri's sacrifice allowed Nancy to continue saving lives on an even bigger scale.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 302664, member: 1991"] There could be absolutely nothing going on. But if so - why be secretive about it? Maybe ghe gts off on the clandestine nature of it all, feeling like he's sneaking around but he's not, really. But then - a bloke who does this, is also likely to be following through physically (if not now, then soon). The thing is, for him to be hiding this from you, is disrespectful. But a point also not yet made by anyoone - he is also showing disrespect and dishonesty to the women contacting him on his space. What is he letting them think or hope for? Even if his page announces to the world tat he is happily married, he could be saying (via phone or in person) that he is, in reality, separated. But not announcing it on the site because he doesn't want to be pestered by too many women. Or whatever excuse. While there are some women who don't care if they're fooling around with a married man, they are in the minority. Most women who get tangled with a married man do so because at some early stage, the man either didn't tell them he was married, or let the women believe that he was in some way available (or soon to be available). Ages ago I joined a website for people wanting to get back in touch with old schoolfriends (etc). I have been contacted by people I was at school with, including exchanging some emails very recently with a couple of guys I knew years ago. Nothing in it, and husband was free to open and read all my emails. But if I had done this via something like FB, it could have looked a bit 'hinky'. The thing is - part of me does wonder about old flames. Where are they now, what do they look like, what are their lives like, etc. Part of me would like to cross paths with a couple of them again (other past flames I never want to see again, unless it is to see them as decrepit old timers while I look fabulous). If husband & I weren't so open with one another, there is even a chance I might secretly let curiosity get the better of me. I might coontact one of them, arrange to meet, maybe talk over the phone - but where would it lead? Who knows? What I do know is - to contact such people form the past when you have a very different presetn and future, is OK as long as you are open about it with your current partner. But to be secretive about it is to not only disrespect your current partner, it is also disrepsectful and dishonest to the old contact. It's not fair, all around. And someone who does this, not considering the possible fallout for the OTHER people involved (not just their partners) is someone who is being utterly, totally selfish, disrespectful and dishonest. So, should you confront him? THat depends on your answer to this question - what do you hope to achieve, if you confront him? Are you hopping he will confess all and be honest with you? Given hisbehaviour to date, is this likely? You know him, I don't. But if you confronted him, let's say, and he denied any wrongdoing or skulduggery, what then? Could you believe him? Even if he broke down and confessed that he had been seeing someone behind your back, could you be sure he was telling you the whole story? And could you ever be sure of anything he told you in the future? But if instead you choose to not confront him, then one BIG thing happens - you get to keep the element of surprise and secrecy. If you want as close to absolute truth as you can get, then DON'T confront him. That way, you get to track his activities more accurately. if you want to confront him without giving away your surveillance of him online, then you could arrange to accidentally drop in where he just happens to have arranged a rendezvous. Or have a friend see him there and tell you. Anything to expose his activity enough for you to confront him but not give away your montiroing of his FB page. But then - what do you expect to achieve? I was reading a book today - a biography of Nancy Wake, the most decorated Australian woman in WWII. Possibly the most decorated of any nation, for WWII. It's an amazing story - she and her husband Henri lived in the south of France and worked clandestinely for the Resistance. They were amazing, in the things they did. It was very much a love match, they did a lot of things together. Nancy was a social butterly (a bit of a Paris Hilton) but with a brain and used her cover to get intelligence and also justify being seen in various social circles. She often was seen having lunch with her female friends. But despite her marriage being a love match there was a couple of times when she found out that Henri had cheated on her - a friend might say to her, "Why didn't you drop in and visit me last week when you were in the area? The hotel register said Henri was there with his wife, but you never came to see me." Only Nancy knew she hadn't been there, her husband was there alone, she had thought, on business. She loved him but wouldn't let it pass - they had a fight every time this happened. But no possibility of leaving him. Instead, she played her own (very French) game - it was fairly common practice for French women at that time to have some fancy lingerie, beautiful satin undergarments which they would wear either for a lover, or to see the gynaecologist. So just occasionally, to keep Henri guessing and not feeling too complacent, Nancy would lay out the clothes she planned to wear that day, allegedly for a lunch with her girlfriends, but make sure the beautiful satin lingerie was there also. Henri would know if she had an appointment with the gynaecologist (the only other reason for wearing her best undergarments). She wasn't having any affairs, but she kept him feelnig sufficiently insecure so he stopped taking other women away on his "business trips". I was thinking - why don't you take a leaf out of Nancy Wake's story? Do some research on the signs your partner is having an affair, then YOU begin to display those signs. For example, make sure you carefully put makeup on and dress up a little more carefully, SOME of the time you go out alone. Sometimes success and confidence is the best revenge. by the way, the story of Nancy & Henri had a sad ending - he was taken away for questioning one day, soon after Nancy left to go into hiding. They had planned her departure to be as impromptu as possible, she simply rode off on her bicycle to go to the shops but they both knew she was having to go into hiding and they didn't know when they would see each other again. Next thing, Henri was captured and tortured to find out where Nancy was but he never told. So despite the affairs and the little mind games, they were both loyal to eachc other where it really counted. Henri's sacrifice allowed Nancy to continue saving lives on an even bigger scale. Marg [/QUOTE]
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