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CAN husband be trusted???
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 302760" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I have not yet replied because I have been thinking about this a lot. If it were my husband it would be absolutely no big deal. None. We have each met up with old flames both together and separately. We are boring in that we made a promise to each other and God and we have NO intention of breaking our word in any way. It is an old fashioned viewpoint and not a common one. Even at times when we have problems we both would rather chop a leg off before we would break that promise.</p><p></p><p>Because Family is crucial to us and to break that promise would be to destroy the family we have made.</p><p></p><p>With your situation, given past mistakes and the level of mistrust you each seem to have, well, I think counseling would be a very good thing. NOT with a religious person who pushes the "Man is head of household and not to be questioned" type counselors that pop up with idiotic frequency, but with a qualified therapist who also has a long term marriage and "gets it" when speaking about marriages and problems.</p><p></p><p>I could easily see my husband thinking that I was off having fun at a casino so he would go look up old friends. Esp if he knows that I don't like or am not interested in the person. </p><p></p><p>We both have very good friends of the opposite sex. Including each other. There is no worry if I go off and do something with a male who is a friend. Or if he goes to dinner or whatever with a female friend. We are secure enough in ourselves and each other that it isn't a big deal. While we don't HIDE things, we sometimes don't mention something because we forget or it seems so insignificant that we overlook mentioning it.</p><p></p><p>4 months after our wedding, less than a month after Wiz was born we got a card from a former FIANCE of his. (He had 3 of them - they ALL lost out big!) She was coming in to town for a business meeting and wanted to have dinner with US. Now I knew her before I ever knew husband. We sort of had mutual friends long before we met. (After we started dating almost each one of them said they thought of matching us up but 1 or the other of us was in a relationship at that time, LOL!)</p><p></p><p>So I knew her. I don't dislike her but I am not at all interested in seeing her. She was a nuisance to me at one job. husband was going to skip the dinner because I really did NOT want to go. Wiz was still so little and I was always exhausted.</p><p></p><p>So he went. Had a nice time. Spent a lot of it gushing over Wiz and I. She did call and thank me for not minding him going. She did say he was a 1 topic date - and our family was his ONLY topic. ROFL.</p><p></p><p>so, given that you don't want the drama, and the history you have had, I would let it lie. If you MUST check his facebook, ask him to make you a friend. Set up your own page and keep a distant eye on things. </p><p></p><p>Just don't go for the drama unless you are ready for some BIG drama.</p><p></p><p>Sorry that this hurts so mcuh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 302760, member: 1233"] I have not yet replied because I have been thinking about this a lot. If it were my husband it would be absolutely no big deal. None. We have each met up with old flames both together and separately. We are boring in that we made a promise to each other and God and we have NO intention of breaking our word in any way. It is an old fashioned viewpoint and not a common one. Even at times when we have problems we both would rather chop a leg off before we would break that promise. Because Family is crucial to us and to break that promise would be to destroy the family we have made. With your situation, given past mistakes and the level of mistrust you each seem to have, well, I think counseling would be a very good thing. NOT with a religious person who pushes the "Man is head of household and not to be questioned" type counselors that pop up with idiotic frequency, but with a qualified therapist who also has a long term marriage and "gets it" when speaking about marriages and problems. I could easily see my husband thinking that I was off having fun at a casino so he would go look up old friends. Esp if he knows that I don't like or am not interested in the person. We both have very good friends of the opposite sex. Including each other. There is no worry if I go off and do something with a male who is a friend. Or if he goes to dinner or whatever with a female friend. We are secure enough in ourselves and each other that it isn't a big deal. While we don't HIDE things, we sometimes don't mention something because we forget or it seems so insignificant that we overlook mentioning it. 4 months after our wedding, less than a month after Wiz was born we got a card from a former FIANCE of his. (He had 3 of them - they ALL lost out big!) She was coming in to town for a business meeting and wanted to have dinner with US. Now I knew her before I ever knew husband. We sort of had mutual friends long before we met. (After we started dating almost each one of them said they thought of matching us up but 1 or the other of us was in a relationship at that time, LOL!) So I knew her. I don't dislike her but I am not at all interested in seeing her. She was a nuisance to me at one job. husband was going to skip the dinner because I really did NOT want to go. Wiz was still so little and I was always exhausted. So he went. Had a nice time. Spent a lot of it gushing over Wiz and I. She did call and thank me for not minding him going. She did say he was a 1 topic date - and our family was his ONLY topic. ROFL. so, given that you don't want the drama, and the history you have had, I would let it lie. If you MUST check his facebook, ask him to make you a friend. Set up your own page and keep a distant eye on things. Just don't go for the drama unless you are ready for some BIG drama. Sorry that this hurts so mcuh. [/QUOTE]
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