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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 438215"><p>I admit up front that I don't have enough experience of what you're describing--I have some, and I'll to that in a moment--but basically: what Lisa said.</p><p></p><p>My limited experience: my nephew difficult child is type 1 diabetic. Otherwise, quite intellectually gifted (although just about all of that has been whittled down to sub-normal via indolence & neglect from about 14 to present--i.e., 5.5 years), physically well-coordinated, etc. In other words, no deficits of any kind other that GFGness (which I admit is a HUGE deficit) and his diabetes. But his mother has been so ultra-focused on his diabetes as the big threat to his life and health that she has let that concern completely disable any possible wisdom that might've let her let him suffer the consequences of his mistakes and maybe, just maybe, begin to become an adult. She would not ever throw him out, despite huge reasons for doing so--because "he's diabetic and he won't take care of himself and he'll die if I don't look after him." She never made him fend for himself, live on his own, deal with the legal and social consequences of his actions--because "he's diabetic and if I leave him to his own efforts he'll just take drugs and not take his medications and then he'll die," etc etc. So she now has a 19-year-old emotional *infant* who has zero willpower, has never done anything to be proud of, never had any real adversities to measure himself against, and who's completely incapable of looking after himself, staying out of trouble, or solving his life's problems. And he's mean and heartless and amoral and violent and addictive and remorseless and manipulative and dishonest and lazy and unreliable and irresponsible and wildly immature and unlikable. All because of a) genetic inclination (whoever said it here was dead-on: GFGness is largely genetic and beyond the reach of upbringing or environment) and b) his mother let his diabetes justify her never letting him grow up, learn to be independent, learn life skills, learn to solve his own problems, etc. She never got out of the way and life do its work.</p><p></p><p>Don't do that. No matter what his deficits are. Let him slip and fall and hurt and learn. Otherwise your love and compassion for him, totally laudable and understandable, can kill him. I used to tell my sister, "His diabetes is not his most dangerous and potentially deadly condition. His lack of character is his his most dangerous ailment and is much more likely to kill him than his diabetes. You need to work on *that* with him *first* if you want to save his life. The diabetes is a minor ailment in comparison."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 438215"] I admit up front that I don't have enough experience of what you're describing--I have some, and I'll to that in a moment--but basically: what Lisa said. My limited experience: my nephew difficult child is type 1 diabetic. Otherwise, quite intellectually gifted (although just about all of that has been whittled down to sub-normal via indolence & neglect from about 14 to present--i.e., 5.5 years), physically well-coordinated, etc. In other words, no deficits of any kind other that GFGness (which I admit is a HUGE deficit) and his diabetes. But his mother has been so ultra-focused on his diabetes as the big threat to his life and health that she has let that concern completely disable any possible wisdom that might've let her let him suffer the consequences of his mistakes and maybe, just maybe, begin to become an adult. She would not ever throw him out, despite huge reasons for doing so--because "he's diabetic and he won't take care of himself and he'll die if I don't look after him." She never made him fend for himself, live on his own, deal with the legal and social consequences of his actions--because "he's diabetic and if I leave him to his own efforts he'll just take drugs and not take his medications and then he'll die," etc etc. So she now has a 19-year-old emotional *infant* who has zero willpower, has never done anything to be proud of, never had any real adversities to measure himself against, and who's completely incapable of looking after himself, staying out of trouble, or solving his life's problems. And he's mean and heartless and amoral and violent and addictive and remorseless and manipulative and dishonest and lazy and unreliable and irresponsible and wildly immature and unlikable. All because of a) genetic inclination (whoever said it here was dead-on: GFGness is largely genetic and beyond the reach of upbringing or environment) and b) his mother let his diabetes justify her never letting him grow up, learn to be independent, learn life skills, learn to solve his own problems, etc. She never got out of the way and life do its work. Don't do that. No matter what his deficits are. Let him slip and fall and hurt and learn. Otherwise your love and compassion for him, totally laudable and understandable, can kill him. I used to tell my sister, "His diabetes is not his most dangerous and potentially deadly condition. His lack of character is his his most dangerous ailment and is much more likely to kill him than his diabetes. You need to work on *that* with him *first* if you want to save his life. The diabetes is a minor ailment in comparison." [/QUOTE]
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