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Can we chat about Matt?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 438514" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I read the original post again and want to share a concept. I don't know if you have read about EQ (Emotional Quotient or intelligence). It says that ability to handle a situation is largely dependent on our emotions at the time. That is why even an otherwise intelligent, normally functioning person can go to a doctor and not remember half of what was said and not ask the important questions he really needed to ask. it is a reason that for any big medical thing I have my mom go to take notes, or when we didn't live near her I had a friend go, took my own questions written down into the appointment, and often took a voice recorder. The stress of the appointment and the health issue leads to not remembering what was said and done.</p><p></p><p>Had I not had my mom there, I might not have been able to react fast enough to keep that one awful neuro from sticking a safety pin from his front pants pocket into my hands to test my nerves. Every other doctor either used a different tool or took a sterile needle out. But this guy took a safety pin out of his front pants pockets, having NOT washed his hands before or after he came in, and wanted to stick me with it. The hands were enough of an EEEEUUUWW but the safety pin truly grossed me out. The shock of it almost kept me from being able to speak up! But not my mother - she started and it got me going and that guy got so angry with us because women are NOT supposed to say he is doing something wrong and how dare I accuse him of having germs in his pocket! (And gee, he wondered why I didn't come back and schedule the surgery he wanted to do!! His office actually called me to ask that!!)</p><p></p><p>Anyway, add the exec function issues and other MH issues and it makes appts even harder for Matt. Esp given his anger over past MH treatment. </p><p></p><p>I don't think you can fix this, but you may be able to see wehre maybe it isn't just the MH causing the problems, that some is the emotional stuff. This might help you detach and let him learn to figure out how to handle things.</p><p></p><p>You are on the right track with working on detachment. As for you mom and relatives not wanting to be involved, you need to stay out of that also. IF he watns help and is near them, he may want to call them. That is up to HIM. What they say is up to THEM. There is no YOU in that relationship. His relationship with your mom and the other relatives needs to be what he and they work out and totally separeate from you. NOT that you cannot talk about him with them, the way family does, but you shouldn't be running interference for them. Let your mom and relatives either tell him they don't want Occupational Therapist (OT) be involved or let them go ahead and do what they want/agree to when he asks for their help. IF they cannot say no and want to, well, that is NYP. NOT. YOUR. PROBLEM. Regardless of where you live.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 438514, member: 1233"] I read the original post again and want to share a concept. I don't know if you have read about EQ (Emotional Quotient or intelligence). It says that ability to handle a situation is largely dependent on our emotions at the time. That is why even an otherwise intelligent, normally functioning person can go to a doctor and not remember half of what was said and not ask the important questions he really needed to ask. it is a reason that for any big medical thing I have my mom go to take notes, or when we didn't live near her I had a friend go, took my own questions written down into the appointment, and often took a voice recorder. The stress of the appointment and the health issue leads to not remembering what was said and done. Had I not had my mom there, I might not have been able to react fast enough to keep that one awful neuro from sticking a safety pin from his front pants pocket into my hands to test my nerves. Every other doctor either used a different tool or took a sterile needle out. But this guy took a safety pin out of his front pants pockets, having NOT washed his hands before or after he came in, and wanted to stick me with it. The hands were enough of an EEEEUUUWW but the safety pin truly grossed me out. The shock of it almost kept me from being able to speak up! But not my mother - she started and it got me going and that guy got so angry with us because women are NOT supposed to say he is doing something wrong and how dare I accuse him of having germs in his pocket! (And gee, he wondered why I didn't come back and schedule the surgery he wanted to do!! His office actually called me to ask that!!) Anyway, add the exec function issues and other MH issues and it makes appts even harder for Matt. Esp given his anger over past MH treatment. I don't think you can fix this, but you may be able to see wehre maybe it isn't just the MH causing the problems, that some is the emotional stuff. This might help you detach and let him learn to figure out how to handle things. You are on the right track with working on detachment. As for you mom and relatives not wanting to be involved, you need to stay out of that also. IF he watns help and is near them, he may want to call them. That is up to HIM. What they say is up to THEM. There is no YOU in that relationship. His relationship with your mom and the other relatives needs to be what he and they work out and totally separeate from you. NOT that you cannot talk about him with them, the way family does, but you shouldn't be running interference for them. Let your mom and relatives either tell him they don't want Occupational Therapist (OT) be involved or let them go ahead and do what they want/agree to when he asks for their help. IF they cannot say no and want to, well, that is NYP. NOT. YOUR. PROBLEM. Regardless of where you live. [/QUOTE]
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