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Parent Emeritus
Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627291" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>And if you get upset while everyone else is laughing, you "don't have a sense of humor" and "are always too sensitive." Outside the circle while everybody else laughs. Humor is a wonderful and healing thing but not when it's used to exclude other people and make yourself feel superior. My family of origin didn't use humor---they were very serious and still are----but when I was upset about something, I was always being "too sensitive." When I married and we had two sons, there was a lot of male humor, and if I protested, I "didn't have a sense of humor." Not having grown up around humor and not realizing how men connect with each other, I was outside the circle. I still don't find humor at someone else's expense funny. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Maybe, RE, this is necessary even in healthy families, so that we can grow up, and form our own attachments and our own families. I didn't know how to do this either. I was too attached to my mother, and the detachment process was painful (I wrote about it here on this site on another thread). Today, we have a much better relationship---more balanced and healthier. </p><p></p><p>I drove by the jail today when I got back from out of town, and I didn't feel anything, neither sadness, upset, fear or even relief. Just nothing really. I have another month of the reprieve. I believe I am making progress but I'm always cautious when I say that. </p><p></p><p>I hope you all had a good holiday weekend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627291, member: 17542"] And if you get upset while everyone else is laughing, you "don't have a sense of humor" and "are always too sensitive." Outside the circle while everybody else laughs. Humor is a wonderful and healing thing but not when it's used to exclude other people and make yourself feel superior. My family of origin didn't use humor---they were very serious and still are----but when I was upset about something, I was always being "too sensitive." When I married and we had two sons, there was a lot of male humor, and if I protested, I "didn't have a sense of humor." Not having grown up around humor and not realizing how men connect with each other, I was outside the circle. I still don't find humor at someone else's expense funny. Maybe, RE, this is necessary even in healthy families, so that we can grow up, and form our own attachments and our own families. I didn't know how to do this either. I was too attached to my mother, and the detachment process was painful (I wrote about it here on this site on another thread). Today, we have a much better relationship---more balanced and healthier. I drove by the jail today when I got back from out of town, and I didn't feel anything, neither sadness, upset, fear or even relief. Just nothing really. I have another month of the reprieve. I believe I am making progress but I'm always cautious when I say that. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend. [/QUOTE]
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Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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