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Parent Emeritus
Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 627341" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>MWM, I'm sorry you are dealing with this from your sister. I am no expert, but I do have a sister, and sometimes I have found the need to have some distance in order to keep myself in a good place.</p><p></p><p>FWIW, I think boundaries work both ways. For example, you absolutely have the right to state that you aren't comfortable participating in a conversation about your sister's abusive partner. However, the consequence may be that she feels hurt and chooses to talk to someone else instead. Because you set a boundary does not obligate her to feel great about it. She should respect it, though. A one-way conversation isn't very engaging anyway.</p><p></p><p>As for her text messages, I find them to be very provocative. Bringing up those issues was baiting, pure and simple. She may have wanted to upset you and get you to react negatively in some way so that she could be justified in her anger toward you. It may also have included elements of revenge or retribution. Great job not overreacting. I know about this because my difficult child sends me provocative text messages sometimes, often one-liners, meant to upset me. I think it makes him feel powerful. Once I realized this by objectively looking at the situation from a step back, I knew I needed to ignore these sorts of messages. That probably irritates him more than anything, but I am not going to take the bait. That's what it is. He is fishing; fishing for a big reaction from Mom. Well, he's not going to get it any more. </p><p></p><p>Whether you choose to ignore these sorts of messages from your sister or formally state that you are taking a break, it is important to disengage. And, it sounds like you have. Save yourself from the emotional toxicity. It will feel so great.</p><p></p><p>I hope you are doing alright and that your relationship with your sister improves after this setback.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 627341, member: 4855"] MWM, I'm sorry you are dealing with this from your sister. I am no expert, but I do have a sister, and sometimes I have found the need to have some distance in order to keep myself in a good place. FWIW, I think boundaries work both ways. For example, you absolutely have the right to state that you aren't comfortable participating in a conversation about your sister's abusive partner. However, the consequence may be that she feels hurt and chooses to talk to someone else instead. Because you set a boundary does not obligate her to feel great about it. She should respect it, though. A one-way conversation isn't very engaging anyway. As for her text messages, I find them to be very provocative. Bringing up those issues was baiting, pure and simple. She may have wanted to upset you and get you to react negatively in some way so that she could be justified in her anger toward you. It may also have included elements of revenge or retribution. Great job not overreacting. I know about this because my difficult child sends me provocative text messages sometimes, often one-liners, meant to upset me. I think it makes him feel powerful. Once I realized this by objectively looking at the situation from a step back, I knew I needed to ignore these sorts of messages. That probably irritates him more than anything, but I am not going to take the bait. That's what it is. He is fishing; fishing for a big reaction from Mom. Well, he's not going to get it any more. Whether you choose to ignore these sorts of messages from your sister or formally state that you are taking a break, it is important to disengage. And, it sounds like you have. Save yourself from the emotional toxicity. It will feel so great. I hope you are doing alright and that your relationship with your sister improves after this setback. [/QUOTE]
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Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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