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Parent Emeritus
Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627352" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I appreciate your caring words but I've decided that after thirty years of this, with her both withdrawing totoally for nonsense reasons and then calling the cops if I call her to find out why she's angry (telling them I am harassing her), I'm done playing games with her. It is not going to change. I am not sure what her deal is, but it's unhealthy for me and disrupts the peace I have created in my life.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea why she does what she does and I don't think she really knows why she does what she does either, but the purpose of it is definitely to hurt me, punish me, teach me a lesson. She has not had good luck with relationships in her own life (I haven't always either, but I am more of a loner than she is so I've kept two very special friendships for very long periods of time). And two husbands...lol. Seventeen years for both and I get along well with my ex. Seems like my biggest problems are with my DNA collection.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, for the sake of my mental health and peace of mind, hereafter I am only going to talk to her if there is a family emergency with my father and she happens to call to tell me, although I think my brother will be the one to do it. After my dad is gone, I can't see any reason for us to speak again. She has never been there for me, although I have often been there for her, and a one way relationship, with abuse involved is not worth hanging onto.</p><p></p><p>I tried to have a normal relationship with my mother until the day she died and my mother would not allow it. My sister is a lot like my mother who was very mean to me often in a passive-aggressive way and my sister is VERY passive aggressive too. Nothing worse than being devious...that is thy definition of passive aggressive. I should have stopped trying with my mother, but I didn't and when she slapped me from the grave it hurt so much. I am not giving another DNA collection member the chance to break my heart over and over again. Not happening.</p><p></p><p>I feel very clearheaded, surefooted and calm right now. It's like I know that I did my best and that this is the only solution there is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627352, member: 1550"] I appreciate your caring words but I've decided that after thirty years of this, with her both withdrawing totoally for nonsense reasons and then calling the cops if I call her to find out why she's angry (telling them I am harassing her), I'm done playing games with her. It is not going to change. I am not sure what her deal is, but it's unhealthy for me and disrupts the peace I have created in my life. I have no idea why she does what she does and I don't think she really knows why she does what she does either, but the purpose of it is definitely to hurt me, punish me, teach me a lesson. She has not had good luck with relationships in her own life (I haven't always either, but I am more of a loner than she is so I've kept two very special friendships for very long periods of time). And two husbands...lol. Seventeen years for both and I get along well with my ex. Seems like my biggest problems are with my DNA collection. At any rate, for the sake of my mental health and peace of mind, hereafter I am only going to talk to her if there is a family emergency with my father and she happens to call to tell me, although I think my brother will be the one to do it. After my dad is gone, I can't see any reason for us to speak again. She has never been there for me, although I have often been there for her, and a one way relationship, with abuse involved is not worth hanging onto. I tried to have a normal relationship with my mother until the day she died and my mother would not allow it. My sister is a lot like my mother who was very mean to me often in a passive-aggressive way and my sister is VERY passive aggressive too. Nothing worse than being devious...that is thy definition of passive aggressive. I should have stopped trying with my mother, but I didn't and when she slapped me from the grave it hurt so much. I am not giving another DNA collection member the chance to break my heart over and over again. Not happening. I feel very clearheaded, surefooted and calm right now. It's like I know that I did my best and that this is the only solution there is. [/QUOTE]
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Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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