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Can't bring myself to visit difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="wheredidmylittleguygo" data-source="post: 39920" data-attributes="member: 3182"><p>Heather - you're right he's certainly angry & frustrated about a lot of things. Poor kid won't open up & talk to anybody, counselors, psychiatrist, grandparents, nobody can get him to tell what's on his mind. </p><p></p><p>Linda - thank you for your words. If I force myself to visit him out of guilt then I will be resentful & exhausted. It wouldn't do either of us any good.</p><p></p><p>Oceans - I don't know if he's truly suicidal. When he ran away from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) a month ago it was because he wanted "some place easier, like a hospital or other Residential Treatment Center (RTC)" He kept repeating that he could do his time in the hospital because it wasn't hard. The hospital is not there to modify behavior so there's no challenge for him. I do think he's geniuinely sad about where he's at and how his life as come to a halt. I'm sad about it too.</p><p></p><p>nlg319 - I'll look back & see what I can find. I did love the toddler years. He had this curly hair black hair. I couldn't bear to cut it. He was funny and sweet. He has a good heart.</p><p></p><p>Jane - That is how I feel, I'm angry at him for something I consider my fault. I'm guilt ridden and angry with-him at the same time. The lockdown in our state is really bad. They don't have any choices there's just this place and something they call "state" and I hear that "state" is the worst but this place isn't far behind. You know you're in trouble when counselors, therapists, lawyers, & psychiatrists all cringe at the mention of him going there. It's just too tough for him. The punishment isn't going to fit the crime. There are private pay facilities but I can't afford them. </p><p></p><p>ants mom - That's exactly it, he forced this. He's gone so far and done so much. I couldn't rescue him if I wanted to.</p><p></p><p>The judge appointed a GAL for him. I've tried to call him but he doesn't answer. I wonder if he can find some better resources for difficult child. I hope this isn't what the rest of his teen years are like. He had a pretty good childhood. It all fell apart a few years ago but it wasn't always bad. </p><p></p><p>Just before he was released from hospital one of the social workers called me at work to ask why I hadn't come to see him. I told her I wasn't aware he was there until two days after they brought him there. I thought he was at detention, I showed up there to visit & they told me. Then I had to wait another day & a half to get the patient code because the hospital wouldn't confirm if he was there or not without the code. Then the sw continues to make little comments like "well, most people just drop these kinds of charges. They don't follow through with them" - so, what does that imply about me. I'm an evil, vindictive mom for trying to put a stop to him threatening me? </p><p>Then she says "I just don't want him to feel like he's been abandoned because he would be justified in feeling like that" - so aside from the year he lived with his dad I guess the last 12 years I took care of him don't count for anything? I guess the once a week parenting group and once a week family therapy (that only I go to because difficult child's gone & his dad won't admit to needing help)doesn't count for anything either. </p><p>Then she tops it off with "well you have to do what you have to do. good luck to you both." - what a hag.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wheredidmylittleguygo, post: 39920, member: 3182"] Heather - you're right he's certainly angry & frustrated about a lot of things. Poor kid won't open up & talk to anybody, counselors, psychiatrist, grandparents, nobody can get him to tell what's on his mind. Linda - thank you for your words. If I force myself to visit him out of guilt then I will be resentful & exhausted. It wouldn't do either of us any good. Oceans - I don't know if he's truly suicidal. When he ran away from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) a month ago it was because he wanted "some place easier, like a hospital or other Residential Treatment Center (RTC)" He kept repeating that he could do his time in the hospital because it wasn't hard. The hospital is not there to modify behavior so there's no challenge for him. I do think he's geniuinely sad about where he's at and how his life as come to a halt. I'm sad about it too. nlg319 - I'll look back & see what I can find. I did love the toddler years. He had this curly hair black hair. I couldn't bear to cut it. He was funny and sweet. He has a good heart. Jane - That is how I feel, I'm angry at him for something I consider my fault. I'm guilt ridden and angry with-him at the same time. The lockdown in our state is really bad. They don't have any choices there's just this place and something they call "state" and I hear that "state" is the worst but this place isn't far behind. You know you're in trouble when counselors, therapists, lawyers, & psychiatrists all cringe at the mention of him going there. It's just too tough for him. The punishment isn't going to fit the crime. There are private pay facilities but I can't afford them. ants mom - That's exactly it, he forced this. He's gone so far and done so much. I couldn't rescue him if I wanted to. The judge appointed a GAL for him. I've tried to call him but he doesn't answer. I wonder if he can find some better resources for difficult child. I hope this isn't what the rest of his teen years are like. He had a pretty good childhood. It all fell apart a few years ago but it wasn't always bad. Just before he was released from hospital one of the social workers called me at work to ask why I hadn't come to see him. I told her I wasn't aware he was there until two days after they brought him there. I thought he was at detention, I showed up there to visit & they told me. Then I had to wait another day & a half to get the patient code because the hospital wouldn't confirm if he was there or not without the code. Then the sw continues to make little comments like "well, most people just drop these kinds of charges. They don't follow through with them" - so, what does that imply about me. I'm an evil, vindictive mom for trying to put a stop to him threatening me? Then she says "I just don't want him to feel like he's been abandoned because he would be justified in feeling like that" - so aside from the year he lived with his dad I guess the last 12 years I took care of him don't count for anything? I guess the once a week parenting group and once a week family therapy (that only I go to because difficult child's gone & his dad won't admit to needing help)doesn't count for anything either. Then she tops it off with "well you have to do what you have to do. good luck to you both." - what a hag. [/QUOTE]
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