The last few weeks have been crazy around here. difficult child ran away from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and showed up at my home around midnight. I asked him what he hoped to accomplish by running away & he said he wants the judge to send him to an "easier place" or hospital. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) decided to give him a 2nd chance & sent him to pych hospital for medication evaluation before returning. He stayed at hospital for almost a week. They had no new diagnosis. difficult child was so angry to be back at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he ran away again. The staff caught him and held him in a "time out" room for two days while he threatend to kill himself and run away again. Saying, "Hey I'm telling you I'm going to kill myself so you have to take me to the hospital". He was returned to detention where he continued to threaten to kill himself & the folks at juvie sent him to another psychiatric hospital for a week. He's now been returned to detention & is awaiting a court date. He'll be sentenced to a lock down facility & the only one around here is a VERY dangerous place with really violent offenders. I can't save him & I'm terrified he'll become like them in order to survive. I haven't seen him since the first runaway from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) on 3/31/07. I'm so livid with this kid. I feel like a horrible mom for not visiting him but why would waste the time to drive up there and let him manipulate me or blow up on me when I refuse to be manipulated. How do I forgive him and how do I forgive myself? Is there anything that's worked for you all? How do you deal with the anger. I feel like it's eating me up. I've been working two jobs for a little over a month and that has me physically exhausted. My boss is interviewing for my job and that has me stressed about money. I can't seem to deal with anything. Am I playing the victim and being as stubborn as my difficult child? Is it okay for me to not see him?